[TrailRunner14]

********* TRIGGER ************

Not really sure what’s happening, but I wanted to see if anyone has experienced a triggered flashback similar to what has happened to me. There have been 3 times that I have experienced this. IT IS TRIGGERING, SO PLEASE READ WITH CARE.

The first time I was meeting with my counselor and a part of me wanted me to share, with him, something that happened at my doctor’s office several years ago. It’s something that I “knew” but it had been “put back.” Now it wasn’t “back” anymore and it wanted (very much) to be heard. It’s like I almost couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. My hands and feet were buzzing and once I started talking, it seems like it took on a life of its own. I was sitting there, I was talking, but it wasn’t me. It’s very fragmented, what I remember about that session.

A couple of days later, it’s like pieces started coming together of what happened. Then, I remembered that his office did not look like his office. The door of his office was on the other side of the room, and I actually walked out of that door when I left. The chair I was sitting in didn’t look like the chair that was there. When I walked out of his office, the room I walked into – his reception area – was completely different. There were shelves along the wall, that aren’t there. I remember the lighting in the room was different (clinical) and the walls were a different color. I don’t know how in the world I got home. I know I drove and I got home OK. It was very dreamy.

We talked about it in my next session, and he said it was a flashback. It was like the details of the doctor’s office overlapped the reality of where I was.

The second time I was at the gym on the treadmill. I remember being there, but I was not feeling “all” there. No big deal. A couple of days later, I get these snap shots in my mind of my counselor at the gym, walking by, smiling at me on the treadmill. This major battle starts in my mind whether I dreamed that or did it really happen. I felt like an idiot, but I had to ask him so I wouldn’t feel like I was totally losing it. He is a member of that gym, and to the best of his knowledge he was there with his son that night. I don’t understand what happened there at all!!!

This week during my session, we were talking about transference, and how triggers could cause memories or emotions from me. I had been journaling about it last week. For some reason, my mind kept going to a session a couple of months ago. I can’t remember what we talked about during the session, except one part. He made the comment that at some point I wouldn’t be meeting with him every week. At some point it would be every two weeks, then once a month and then eventually when I needed to. In all actuality I know this to be true, and that is the goal. To be OK. But there was like a mini silent panic.

In my mind right now, I’m hearing him say that and I’m seeing him – in what looks like a different office, a different chair and from a different angle than I was when I was there for that session. I was sitting when we were talking originally, but as I see it now it’s like I was standing up, and standing at an angle to that space. It’s like I was an observer. – This is so weird!!!

I’ve just realized today, that it’s not my counselor in that chair! The person I see now in that chair has different hair than he does. Also, the person I saw at the gym feels like the person I see in that chair!

I know this sounds crazy!! But, by any chance AT ALL, has anyone experienced anything remotely similar to this?

[Gr3tta]

I have flashbacks. The memory that is the flashback can overlap with the memory of the reality that was happening at the time i had the flashback, for me.
I also have memories where i am an observer. I may also become aware of an other's memory of that same event as a participant. So i have memories of the same event from two different perspectives. This can happen due to flashback or therapy work.

[TrailRunner14]

Thank you!! It means so much that you replied with that. It's a validation that it's ok. It is a work in progress.

My heart is for you, if you experience this too. It's kind of like putting puzzle pieces together that you don't understand. In time they will come. I trust.

I don't understand but I pray that comes!

Thank you!!

I thank you again for replying.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Big Mama]

I used to have that issue in the beginning of T. I would go to to T, when I left, I would "wake up" and be outside of Walmart with a buggy full of groceries. I don't remember driving more then 2 or 3 min. Somehow I got groceries, I got the right things, drove myself there and everything.

This only happens when I have very triggering stuff go on in T. It is not uncommon. The T's only suggestion is don't drive. (good advice huh) My T had me think backwards and tell her the weeks events, what did I do each day, Ya know it is scary. I know my kids went with someone because I was alone, jsut now sure who with or how they got back home. (turns out it was with my sister, for a play date) After I told the T that I begged her not to take my kids. She told me she wasn't. I did nothing wrong, usually when that happens instinct keeps you safe. Just like leaving walmart with all the right groceries, Your aware but your not able to remember thats all.

You are not alone in this. ((( HUGS)))

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

********* TRIGGER ************

Not really sure what’s happening, but I wanted to see if anyone has experienced a triggered flashback similar to what has happened to me. There have been 3 times that I have experienced this. IT IS TRIGGERING, SO PLEASE READ WITH CARE.

The first time I was meeting with my counselor and a part of me wanted me to share, with him, something that happened at my doctor’s office several years ago. It’s something that I “knew” but it had been “put back.” Now it wasn’t “back” anymore and it wanted (very much) to be heard. It’s like I almost couldn’t stop it if I wanted to. My hands and feet were buzzing and once I started talking, it seems like it took on a life of its own. I was sitting there, I was talking, but it wasn’t me. It’s very fragmented, what I remember about that session.

A couple of days later, it’s like pieces started coming together of what happened. Then, I remembered that his office did not look like his office. The door of his office was on the other side of the room, and I actually walked out of that door when I left. The chair I was sitting in didn’t look like the chair that was there. When I walked out of his office, the room I walked into – his reception area – was completely different. There were shelves along the wall, that aren’t there. I remember the lighting in the room was different (clinical) and the walls were a different color. I don’t know how in the world I got home. I know I drove and I got home OK. It was very dreamy.

We talked about it in my next session, and he said it was a flashback. It was like the details of the doctor’s office overlapped the reality of where I was.

The second time I was at the gym on the treadmill. I remember being there, but I was not feeling “all” there. No big deal. A couple of days later, I get these snap shots in my mind of my counselor at the gym, walking by, smiling at me on the treadmill. This major battle starts in my mind whether I dreamed that or did it really happen. I felt like an idiot, but I had to ask him so I wouldn’t feel like I was totally losing it. He is a member of that gym, and to the best of his knowledge he was there with his son that night. I don’t understand what happened there at all!!!

This week during my session, we were talking about transference, and how triggers could cause memories or emotions from me. I had been journaling about it last week. For some reason, my mind kept going to a session a couple of months ago. I can’t remember what we talked about during the session, except one part. He made the comment that at some point I wouldn’t be meeting with him every week. At some point it would be every two weeks, then once a month and then eventually when I needed to. In all actuality I know this to be true, and that is the goal. To be OK. But there was like a mini silent panic.

In my mind right now, I’m hearing him say that and I’m seeing him – in what looks like a different office, a different chair and from a different angle than I was when I was there for that session. I was sitting when we were talking originally, but as I see it now it’s like I was standing up, and standing at an angle to that space. It’s like I was an observer. – This is so weird!!!

I’ve just realized today, that it’s not my counselor in that chair! The person I see now in that chair has different hair than he does. Also, the person I saw at the gym feels like the person I see in that chair!

I know this sounds crazy!! But, by any chance AT ALL, has anyone experienced anything remotely similar to this?

Hello, Trailrunner

What you describe is very familiar to me and what I have expereinced when I was in therapy. Your present moments and past moments are over lapping because of common associations which are triggered and basically connect them. The role your therapist plays also changes in the context of your flashback as well as in the context of the present and how well you are doing. You and who you are is all tied to everything you expereince and have experienced and your memory of all this. As memory comes together along with understadning what it is that is going on and what you have come through so does your sense of being one self.

Take care. you are the road to recoverying yourself and that is excellent.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by 1976kitchenfloor

Hello, Trailrunner

What you describe is very familiar to me and what I have expereinced when I was in therapy. Your present moments and past moments are over lapping because of common associations which are triggered and basically connect them. The role your therapist plays also changes in the context of your flashback as well as in the context of the present and how well you are doing. You and who you are is all tied to everything you expereince and have experienced and your memory of all this. As memory comes together along with understadning what it is that is going on and what you have come through so does your sense of being one self.

Take care. you are the road to recoverying yourself and that is excellent.

Thank you!

That all makes complete sense. It is a comfort to know that someone else has experienced this and I'm not losing it! When I posted this thread on Tuesday, I was having a flip out because all of it was coming together in my head. Yesterday I had a quiet day, and tried to sort some things out in my mind.

I'm trying to work "with" what comes, and not flip out and try to control it. That is not easy because I seem to be prone to "flip out" and compliance. Hopefully that will be a skill that comes as I get better.

Thank you for your encouraging words. They mean much!

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Thank you!

That all makes complete sense. It is a comfort to know that someone else has experienced this and I'm not losing it! When I posted this thread on Tuesday, I was having a flip out because all of it was coming together in my head. Yesterday I had a quiet day, and tried to sort some things out in my mind.

I'm trying to work "with" what comes, and not flip out and try to control it. That is not easy because I seem to be prone to "flip out" and compliance. Hopefully that will be a skill that comes as I get better.

Thank you for your encouraging words. They mean much!

Hello Again.

I wanted to tell you that during thse times I would need a lot of sleep in order to recover/soak it all in and process the feelings. That is going to be a big thing for you. You need to give yourself all the time you need to take your feelings in and work through them as needed. I once walked around for two weeks in what must have been like shock after one particularly heavy experience. Sometime after sleeping and ahving heavy dreams realted to past expereince I would go back to sleep in order to recover. Our minds are truly incredible in how they save us. That said, the processes involved inf recovery are difficult and take a lot out of a person. Take care and be kind to yourself. There is a reason for everything and it jsut take time to get to that point where it is all yours and makes sense to who you are/have become in and as One Self.

[TrailRunner14]

Thank you again for your kind and encouraging words! You are inspiring me about this process of being who I was created to be, not what has been in my past.

Today was a quiet day in my mind also. I believe my mind is processing it in its own place. If that makes any sense.

Something very interesting happened yesterday during some deliberate quiet time. That is still, quietly being absorbed. It will sort itself out in its own time. I would like to share it later after I come to terms with it.

I have discovered the calming benefit of coloring and enjoy doing this on my quiet days. I wanted to share it with you, and hope it makes your heart smile.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Shaly78]

Assuming you have DID, this could be discovery of the inner world especially if you guys wasn't at the gym at the same time. Unless, you have an abusive therapist, and know it the time, transference is a good thing and suppose to happen. Maybe him/her plays a role as a person you see from the past maybe many people depends how much him/her talks about themselves in therapy. When you separate transference and apply it to who it's really about then you are progressing and healing.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Shaly78

Assuming you have DID, this could be discovery of the inner world especially if you guys wasn't at the gym at the same time. Unless, you have an abusive therapist, and know it the time, transference is a good thing and suppose to happen. Maybe him/her plays a role as a person you see from the past maybe many people depends how much him/her talks about themselves in therapy. When you separate transference and apply it to who it's really about then you are progressing and healing.

Thank you!

I am learning a lot about transference and how it is working with my triggers. I have not been diagnosed with DID, I DO know that dissociation is blatantly obvious and that there are parts of me that deal with different situations that come up.

From what I have read and understand, there is a scale/range of this and I'm still sorting that out. There is healing that has happened and I'm gently encouraging progress.

It's still all puzzle pieces right now.

[1976kitchenfloor]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Thank you again for your kind and encouraging words! You are inspiring me about this process of being who I was created to be, not what has been in my past.

Today was a quiet day in my mind also. I believe my mind is processing it in its own place. If that makes any sense.

Something very interesting happened yesterday during some deliberate quiet time. That is still, quietly being absorbed. It will sort itself out in its own time. I would like to share it later after I come to terms with it.

I have discovered the calming benefit of coloring and enjoy doing this on my quiet days. I wanted to share it with you, and hope it makes your heart smile.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

This is so beautiful! thank you for sharing.