[peaches100]

I have had repeated experiences in my life of people misunderstanding how I feel. People who misinterpret the look on my face as unhappiness when I feel fine. People who assume I think certain things that I don't. At times, people have accused me of having wrong motives that I truly didn't have. Or occasionally, people have accused me of doing something that I would never do! It really bothers me because I don't understand why people would get me so wrong - especially if it is someone I've known a long time and who I feel should know me better and know what I'm all about.

Other things I've been told (or heard people have said about me) are:

I act like I am not genuine, but seem fake.

I am wishy-washy.

"When I first met you, I thought you were so stuck up, but when I got to know you, I realized you weren't that way at all."

When I was 12 and was jumping on the trampoline with my friend, she accidentally landed on my wrist and it caused a hairline fracture. When I showed up at school with an ace bandage on it, she thought I was faking it for attention and stopped being my friend.

At work, a person told my friend, "When I walked down the hall past her, I got very bad vibes from her." (I don't even know this person and don't even remember passing her in the hall).

One friend I was close to used to say the thing she liked the most about me was that I was honest. Later down the road, she accused me of being a liar and deceiving her about things.

As a little girl, I had problems with forgetting things, or not noticing things, but my parents always assumed I was just lazy or being lackadaisical. Once I set my friend's boombox on the stove because I assumed the burners were off, but they had been left on, so I melted it. My dad was so mean to me, telling me how stupid it was, etc. (Years later, he said he assumed I was on drugs, which explains why he was so mean to me.) But I wasn't! I just didn't notice the burner was on.

As a teenager, my friend's mom (who was a psychologist) told her that I seem "like a person who is hiding something."

As a child, my dad was constantly accusing me of having feelings, thoughts, and motives I didn't have. It bothers me so much when I experience this sort of thing as an adult. I truly don't get it!

I can work with someone on a project at work, but later I don't recognize they are somebody familiar when I see their face.

People tell me, "I saw you at a stop light and waved, and you ignored me."

Is this something that happens when you are dissociative? I can't figure out what I am doing that gives people the wrong impression...it has happened since childhood...

Any ideas what is causing this?

Peaches

[finding_my_way]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I have had repeated experiences in my life of people misunderstanding how I feel. People who misinterpret the look on my face as unhappiness when I feel fine. People who assume I think certain things that I don't. At times, people have accused me of having wrong motives that I truly didn't have. Or occasionally, people have accused me of doing something that I would never do! It really bothers me because I don't understand why people would get me so wrong - especially if it is someone I've known a long time and who I feel should know me better and know what I'm all about.

Other things I've been told (or heard people have said about me) are:

I act like I am not genuine, but seem fake.

I am wishy-washy.

"When I first met you, I thought you were so stuck up, but when I got to know you, I realized you weren't that way at all."

When I was 12 and was jumping on the trampoline with my friend, she accidentally landed on my wrist and it caused a hairline fracture. When I showed up at school with an ace bandage on it, she thought I was faking it for attention and stopped being my friend.

At work, a person told my friend, "When I walked down the hall past her, I got very bad vibes from her." (I don't even know this person and don't even remember passing her in the hall).

One friend I was close to used to say the thing she liked the most about me was that I was honest. Later down the road, she accused me of being a liar and deceiving her about things.

As a little girl, I had problems with forgetting things, or not noticing things, but my parents always assumed I was just lazy or being lackadaisical. Once I set my friend's boombox on the stove because I assumed the burners were off, but they had been left on, so I melted it. My dad was so mean to me, telling me how stupid it was, etc. (Years later, he said he assumed I was on drugs, which explains why he was so mean to me.) But I wasn't! I just didn't notice the burner was on.

As a teenager, my friend's mom (who was a psychologist) told her that I seem "like a person who is hiding something."

As a child, my dad was constantly accusing me of having feelings, thoughts, and motives I didn't have. It bothers me so much when I experience this sort of thing as an adult. I truly don't get it!

I can work with someone on a project at work, but later I don't recognize they are somebody familiar when I see their face.

People tell me, "I saw you at a stop light and waved, and you ignored me."

Is this something that happens when you are dissociative? I can't figure out what I am doing that gives people the wrong impression...it has happened since childhood...

Any ideas what is causing this?

Peaches

i think a lot of it actually is normal and has more to do with other people and less to do with dissociation or you.

i say that because so much of that is things i can relate to where i realized it was other people's perception and not being able to be inside a person's head to really KNOW what they are thinking or feeling.

people used to think i was a snob because i was quiet. then when they got to know me, they realized i was just shy and anxious.

the way people perceive things we do or say is just based on their own feelings and thoughts really and the inability for them to be able to see things in other ways. i have seen that a lot with certain family members of mine where they can never see any way or have any other thought than what they have, so it can create conflicts or sometimes cause me to question myself (depending on the topic/situation).

smaller things might be related to dissociation like maybe forgetting you did or said something (though some of that is very normal too even for people without a dissociative disorder). but overall, i'd say it is way more about other people. as for passing by people and not realizing it or recognizing it, again that is very normal. we cannot be aware of every single person or thing we see or hear, so not remembering is normal with that too. people get distracted or zone out a lot when they are thinking about other things and is really easy to do for anyone.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by peaches100

I have had repeated experiences in my life of people misunderstanding how I feel. People who misinterpret the look on my face as unhappiness when I feel fine. People who assume I think certain things that I don't. At times, people have accused me of having wrong motives that I truly didn't have. Or occasionally, people have accused me of doing something that I would never do! It really bothers me because I don't understand why people would get me so wrong - especially if it is someone I've known a long time and who I feel should know me better and know what I'm all about.

Other things I've been told (or heard people have said about me) are:

I act like I am not genuine, but seem fake.

I am wishy-washy.

"When I first met you, I thought you were so stuck up, but when I got to know you, I realized you weren't that way at all."

When I was 12 and was jumping on the trampoline with my friend, she accidentally landed on my wrist and it caused a hairline fracture. When I showed up at school with an ace bandage on it, she thought I was faking it for attention and stopped being my friend.

At work, a person told my friend, "When I walked down the hall past her, I got very bad vibes from her." (I don't even know this person and don't even remember passing her in the hall).

One friend I was close to used to say the thing she liked the most about me was that I was honest. Later down the road, she accused me of being a liar and deceiving her about things.

As a little girl, I had problems with forgetting things, or not noticing things, but my parents always assumed I was just lazy or being lackadaisical. Once I set my friend's boombox on the stove because I assumed the burners were off, but they had been left on, so I melted it. My dad was so mean to me, telling me how stupid it was, etc. (Years later, he said he assumed I was on drugs, which explains why he was so mean to me.) But I wasn't! I just didn't notice the burner was on.

As a teenager, my friend's mom (who was a psychologist) told her that I seem "like a person who is hiding something."

As a child, my dad was constantly accusing me of having feelings, thoughts, and motives I didn't have. It bothers me so much when I experience this sort of thing as an adult. I truly don't get it!

I can work with someone on a project at work, but later I don't recognize they are somebody familiar when I see their face.

People tell me, "I saw you at a stop light and waved, and you ignored me."

Is this something that happens when you are dissociative? I can't figure out what I am doing that gives people the wrong impression...it has happened since childhood...

Any ideas what is causing this?

Peaches

Im sorry but we can not tell you what this is or what is causing it. only your own or a treatment provider in your own location can tell you whether this is dissociation or not in you.

what I can tell you is in me most of what is in your post would not be called dissociation. in me it would be called normal, self image (comparing myself to other peoples expectations and such) and other peoples opinions of me.

my dissociative symptoms are things like feeling numb, spaced out and disconnected due to triggers.

my suggestion is contact your or a treatment provider, they will be able to do what we here online can not do...diagnose whether this is a dissociative problem in you or not.

[unaluna]

Winnicott called it a false self. Our true self was not reognized by our primary caretaker, so we dveloped a mask, a false self, to go thru the motions of life. I would say it is similar to dissociation? I see myself in much of what you describe here. Only like i never lost time or anything like that. Still, its like when i walk, im floating -my feet dont really touch the ground, unless its difficult for some reason - then it catches my attention. Its hard to stay in the present moment.