Does this make sense???

I'm the aware...an empty conscious.

The Others make me a person....they exist while I watch...an unwlling watcher, never the less.

I have very limited control next to no control. I can finally right now say all this, like an s.o.s. In the darkness because we are too relaxed.

An empty shell I am.

Will integration make me alive, r am I an Other wishing....hoping...wanting...

Its so hard to tell. I might just be a want to B.

God this sux.

Hugs!! Don't have words but my heart is there.

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((HUGS!))) Felt that way many times..An inactive participant watching all the others pass through me..the ghostwriter. Outward but no thoughts,except those provided.... "He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it."
Douglas Adams

I love that quote, is it yours or who is the author?

That's me. It seems that 'I am' through Others 24/7 depending on whats happening, seldom an active participant controled by them. I think that I keep us all stitched but do fail and fade at times, always watching and aware but inert like the Others. Or I'm just an Other watching that worries about us passing all the time, idk.

Even now I'm Fem and at work where the male worker should be. This is scary difficult trying to be him so that co-workers don't notice....but failing.

It's crazy being co-present so much that our thoughts get inner twined and who is who is lost.

Thats enough, he's just a worry wart. But now, got to try and work. Most likely when we get hands on he'll at least help us do his job.

Douglass Adams Sci-fi writer for the BBC. That quote comes from The Guide ( The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy) I don't remember which book off the top of my head... The guide was originally started as a radio show and then written into book form. The entire story is split into 5books. They are not very long but 200-300 pgs each. If I personally believed in religion; that would be the closest thing to a bible I have. Definitely worth checking out. Adams is really insightful and funny.

I hear ya about when some of the Co-conscious co-present stuff gets all mixed up. It's like ya know it's supposed to be a good thing progress or whatever..close the thoughts get close towards integration but it's hard cuz ya still feel like u not part then there's a nother or many voices all up in ur thoughts.. gets confusing. Esp when trying to get something done or just f'n get a clear straight thought out n then ur suddenly sidetracked by other stuff and lose ur focus. ex: today walked into the phone store trying to help my SO with an issue with his phone... like a 1/2hr later relize I'm babbling to the clerk about some asinine crap but my phone..n I'm like what am I going on about?? It's not even something that I care about or is really bothering me at all!! Idk, who has this phone issue but I have found myself lf coming outta this same rant daze like 6 or 7 ×S in the past month. Apparently it's really annoying someone but can't really ever catch who! Co-conscious I can usually handle in fact I'm fairly Co-conscious with a,couple others presently we still fracture off when dealing with certain stuff...but co-presense is weird when ya don't know the other voice or can't really tell it a part but ya start feelin like a puppet or possessed with their agendas being nailed thru ur thoughts. I can get headachy like an ice pick to the brain. A lot of times I get real lightheaded after n just end up feeling foggy for a while.

Want to tell you I understand what you are saying and describing. I've experienced it also. I have no words of wisdom, only words to tell you I know what you are saying. I pray that gives you comfort.

It is a work in progress. I've learned that for myself. Do be kind and love yourself and the parts of you that have kept you safe.

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