Depersonalisation and hyperawareness

I started suffering from depersonalisation quite horrifically following a prescription of Sertraline that had to end after three days because the side effects were unbearable and potentially dangerous (I think). Well after a further 3 days I had a panic attack that caused my depersonalisation. That started to clear up after about two weeks but then after drinking alcohol a few times it got worse and gradually I started thinking about the nature of life, humanity, consciousness - particularly the brain.

Suddenly, one night I was thinking a lot about these things and I started thinking about thoughts themselves and how strange it is to have them, and how strange it is to have consciousness and what consciousness actually is etc. I get freaked out by my own internal monologue and my own stream of consciousness. I'm terrified almost by my own ability to 'make' thoughts and experience thoughts. My problem is literally my own existence and life. Freaked out that I can only 'have' one thought at a time, why am I me and not someone else, that I feel like an object rather than a 'person', that I've unlocked a part of me that I can't unsee. Everything seems very meaningless and abitrary as a result. I'm constantly confused, terrified and lonely. I can't relax because the idea of 'relaxing' seems so arbitrary and strange. I don't enjoy anything because I'm constantly bewildered by my own consciousness. I kind of have a sensation that I'm trapped within myself, but not so much. I cannot for the life of me imagine how I can possibly ever feel better, because the very idea of 'feeling' seems strange and freaks me out. I get freaked out by how everything i experience is just a complex chemical reaction. There's a thousand million other things that terrify me and ways I've thought to describe what my situation is, but I never feel like I do it justice and I always feel like I'm incurable and completely alone in this.

I feel like this is different to DP but some other people with depersonalisation seem to suffer from this. I would describe my situation as Cognitive Hyperawareness OCD/Pure-O. And I've never really found anyone who's recovered from it. I get freaked out by people who say they've suffered with it for years.

Has anyone had this/recovered from this?

you feeling like this is different to DP may be because many locations dont call dissociative problems due to medications a dissociative disorder any more....for example here in america dissociative disorders now have a rule that the problem can not be because of drugs or alcohol. here drugs include prescription and non prescription medications.

my suggestion here since you are in london check with your doctors they can tell you whether problems due to medications, either taking them or because of stopping them are called a dissociative disorder or if they are now called a ...side effect....

if you were here in america it would be called a side effect and I recover from medication side effects (either while taking the meds or after discontinuing taking them) by first and for most contacting my doctors to see what they want me to do about it because only they can tell me that based on their medical and mental health care for me. then I just give it some time. some medications take a few months to leave my body completely due to type of medication, dosage and how my body works.

my suggestion contact your treatment providers to see what they want you to do and follow their plans for treating you for this problem.

as for OCD problems... I rarely have this problem but when I do I contact my treatment providers. they adjust my meds which helps me. I also use non medical ways like yoga, breathing and physical activities.

maybe your treatment providers can find a medication that works for you or a non medical way th at will help you.