I have clearly lost some time today

their are things that just don't add up

I am also struggling today with the whole briteness/ sun/ nice weather.

just can't cope with it

[Claritytoo]

in my second week of detox from xanax. It was pretty bad but not as bad as the first two days. I was going to step down again this monday but I"M still having withdrawal symptoms. I am going to wait to the end of the month and if I feel ok I will step down again. It really sucks but my choice was to take more xanax to relieve my symptoms or get off it. I am still glade I have chosen to get off it. I won't know if I need something to replace it until I am clean of it. I have noticed some coping behavior returning and that might not be good. So I will keep an eye on that.

most of yesterday was just bad, really rough in fact.

today, for the most part, I have avoided any reffrences to mother's day (including special tv broadcasts or radio request shows)

having not spoken in 12 years, makes today very hard to deal with..

Dr. D.i.c. Screwed up my lamictal dosage and won't prescribe the correct dose. The adjustment is from 400-300/day which is not kewl. Were only suppose to adjust 10 mg/week...not 100 in a day. Grrrr. Ouch

Today we've been distracted and fogged out. Reality really took a different twist so much that we left work early. It made a bad day worse.

That was yesterday...now it's like I'm in a daze in a body disguise. I always feel so awkward in public.

I guess I was a little sick yesterday because we are coughing up stuff plus everything else. Also having to work 6 days a week wears our body out.

[ACrystalGem]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I hear you on this.

my family was the same as yours, my mother especially (really abusive)

I never even met my father anyway, but from what I've heard about him, not sure I want to

I had siblings, but they were also abusive.

when is mother's day in the US?. I thought they fell on the same day

It's 14th May. So more of the same crap.

[Claritytoo]

At some point today I realized I am in South Carolina and that I don't know anyone. I know how I got here it's just the first time I felt like I was here. I don't really understand what I feel. It's kind of ****ed up

i've been feeling okay, I guess.

so i've had the same issues (struggling with sleep, struggling to find my purpose in life,), but i'm doing okay.

I am just glad that mothers day is over

really glad.

that day was tough on me!

[TrailRunner14]

I so hate Jeckle and Hyde nights. I just hit my head against the door frame. It hurt.

[TrailRunner14]

I may go to a hotel tonight and take my guys with me. My youngest has two friends over and I think that this place may not be the place to be.

kangaroo!

boing!

Ick. Had to swallow 12 pills this morning instead of the normal 7 cuz of cold. Too full to eat breakfast.

Ooooos, there it is...2nd 16 oz'r. Feeling much better, especially after that hour nap. Time for shopping!

[TrailRunner14]

Jeckle and Hyde night with the h last night.

It pisses the 12 yo one. She's sick and tiered of his emotional danger!

Star is still numb. She actually wants me to share with him, the h, what happened internally. She so wants to be heard and validated. I don't think it's a good idea right now. It doesn't feel like she would not be ran over with tread marks.

I'm caught in the middle. She wants to be heard. I don't want to throw her out there to be hurt.

[ACrystalGem]

Made a complete fool of myself on Twitter. I apologised but, bloody hell. I was feeling suicidal before and now I feel rubbish and suicidal

[Claritytoo]

stepped down 5mg xanax. I feel like I am ready to cry and jittery. I am afraid to go outside. In fact I just want to sit in one place and not have to move.

Originally Posted by Claritytoo

At some point today I realized I am in South Carolina and that I don't know anyone. I know how I got here it's just the first time I felt like I was here. I don't really understand what I feel. It's kind of ****ed up

We did that in Arkansas, in the middle of the woods in a trailer with a girlfriend and 2 kids. It was like, 'okay...lets see where this goes,. Lol

It didnt go well in the long run.

[TrailRunner14]

A part of me was found tonight. It's very internal and protected. It doesn't want to be pushed or pulled out into the open.

I've journaled since I got home from my appointment with my counselor. I believe that that part feels like he's a friend. That feels really good. No pushing and no agenda feels really great to her too!!

I have to go to bed but I have no desire to. Listening to a song that she likes. I'll share it.

My feet aren't buzzing anymore. That's good. I think she was validated.

Night.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

A part of me was found tonight. It's very internal and protected. It doesn't want to be pushed or pulled out into the open.

I've journaled since I got home from my appointment with my counselor. I believe that that part feels like he's a friend. That feels really good. No pushing and no agenda feels really great to her too!!

I have to go to bed but I have no desire to. Listening to a song that she likes. I'll share it.

My feet aren't buzzing anymore. That's good. I think she was validated.

Night.

hope you can sleep well.

it is scary when you find a new part. I know how scary it can be

been dealing with yet more flashbacks this week.

it's been tough

still not sleeping (yep, still)

not really eating that healthily, I mean we eat some oranges for breakfast every morning, and then spoil it all with unhealthy junk food (so I don't actually know why we bother eating oranges)
still very unsure of our future

Possible trigger:

we'd rather die than live at the moment.

it just seems so much easier than trying to navigate our minds and coming up with things we want to accomplish in life

the only thing we want to accomplish in life is die.

we don't want to end up emortal (and we've said this before,) but we stil have that fear that we've lived our lives so badly we might end up emortal.

I almost forgot to mention about natalie (our protector)

Possible trigger:

she is still feeling very homicidal, thankfully she's not actually acted on any of it yet, but she certainly still feels that way.

[Claritytoo]

I am having a hard reading on this site. Everything seems triggering. Part of me wants to deny that we are DID. I am trying to fit back into the world. It's a very confusing time.

[TrailRunner14]

Claritytoo. When I feel overwhelmed and way too triggery, it helps me sometimes to journal what I'm feeling. Sometimes I can't get to that place, but when I can it helps me.

Kinda disgusted with this whole thing.

Due to circumstances beyond my control....the fem Other's aren't going to present much more because of criminal and threatening behavior by ignorant people.

This is for safety concerns. As for this forum...I'm not a big talker, and all this bothers me.