Originally Posted by Luce

Scary stuff, SS. No wonder you are feeling so switchy and losing time. Sounds like inner ones might be feeling a 'little' scared.
Do you know what things you might try to help you feel safer and more grounded?

we wish we could talk to you in chat.

(can't actually believe we missed you again!

we can't tonight though, promised someone we'd help them learn another site

we also have our crystal- and that does help us a little

lots of time loss yesterday.

who was out, what were they doing, and why.

questions, questions, questions..

presently feeling okay.

(okay so someone decided to throw a party in here yesterday, but other than that...)

yeah pretty present

our tummy hurts.

(but then again, we're not entirely sure if we ate yesterday or not)

we're going to eat something in a bit

yesterday evening must have been bad switchy wise

we certtainly don't remember what happened, and we didn't come on here, so...

We have immense feelings of hiding, being unnoticed, scared, inadequate, deleting more posts then posted out of fear of being judged, afraid of saying something embarrassing to an Other...

We are so small.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We have immense feelings of hiding, being unnoticed, scared, inadequate, deleting more posts then posted out of fear of being judged, afraid of saying something embarrassing to an Other...

We are so small.

You are welcome here, AC. All of you are welcome here. I miss you when you are not here. I wonder how you're doing. I worry that you are not okay. Your guys are welcome here. Your gals are welcome here. Your DID is welcome here.
I would hope this is one place you *can* be 'you' (plural) just as we can be us too.

Originally Posted by Luce

You are welcome here, AC. All of you are welcome here. I miss you when you are not here. I wonder how you're doing. I worry that you are not okay. Your guys are welcome here. Your gals are welcome here. Your DID is welcome here.
I would hope this is one place you *can* be 'you' (plural) just as we can be us too.

that was a great post.

yeah you are welcome here AC

i'm just posting stuff on here before I go and watch some tara.

(I kind of want to find out something, and I think maybe the next few episodes will tell me)

okay just totally lost about an hour.

not embarrassed..

[Aardwolf]

Back, and not for the better

Trigger warning....inner real
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Originally Posted by Luce

You are welcome here, AC. All of you are welcome here. I miss you when you are not here. I wonder how you're doing. I worry that you are not okay. Your guys are welcome here. Your gals are welcome here. Your DID is welcome here.
I would hope this is one place you *can* be 'you' (plural) just as we can be us too.

Thank you....in our exuberance of an eureka moment...we did overly outward embarrassing things through individual expression, but now it's like an anvil chained to our ankles of which has been taken wrong I guess. Anyways...

Ultimately.....now that the honeymoon is over....we are back to reality and what this has meant and that done to us from birth....

We are devastated. Our path to demise has been kicked off and there isn't any forseeable hope in our life for life.

Our M.I. (DID BIPOLAR) has left us lost daily....floating, drifting, staying in routine to stay stabile, fake smiling but switching to fake it, empty, scared, always triple checking, analyzing every gesture, action or words, racing thoughts in multiple voices, unsuredness, lost, foggy minded, fear, shame, embarrassment, anxiety panic attacks, memory loss, distracted, tranced, on gaurd, paranoid, inner strife, agitation, constant switching....lost of identity, turmoil, bad thoughts, stress, physical pain, other people's attitudes, ......a daily moment to moment existence.

We have given most of our stuff away and told our son that he better get on with his life away from me/us.

Prolonging the torture....why?

[Luce]

I hear your pain, AC. I wish I could take it away for you, or ease it for you, and I know I can't. I just wish you didn't have so much pain and distress. Life isn't meant to be so freaking hard.

[Luce]

Me - overwhelmed. Life is so freaking hard and I am failing it.
In so many ways.

[Luce]

And then it just gets worse.
My one person has gone.

thanksgiving can go die in a fire

not just because we're from the UK, and don't celebrate it, but because as far as we know we have nothing to be thankful for, nothing at all.

we're certainly not thankfull for all this thanksgiving crap
can it stop all ready

early hours of this morning.. we felt our family were with us

left a sour taste in our mouth

Originally Posted by Luce

I hear your pain, AC. I wish I could take it away for you, or ease it for you, and I know I can't. I just wish you didn't have so much pain and distress. Life isn't meant to be so freaking hard.

Thank you for saying that. Life is what life is....nothing new here.....some whining gets out of us every now and then.

I'm sorry that you are dealing with so much.

this morning was weird.

felt like we were alive, in a world that wasn't

like we were the last people (for the life of us, we couldn't find the day, the time, nothing)

still coming to terms with the fact that the world is still here and it's fine

it didn't explode or anything

watched united states of buckk (I said that?. i mean tara), even i'm thinking of just not watching it

had lots of family memories this afternoon
even felt they were close, but I know they arn't

just not sure what triggered it

lots of time loss today.

friend of mine said at least 4 hours, but suspect longer

[Claritytoo]

My son is hospitalized again due to his delusional thinking. He became aggressive and assaulted me. I called the police and they took him to the psych ward in the local hospital. They transferred him to a psych hospital not to far away. He started eating but he still won't take his meds or shower. He wanted to take my car so he could kill himself. Something to do with saving the universe. He is not talking to me and maybe that is best for both of us. I have decided to move out of state before his disorder becomes too much for me. It sounds selfish but he don't trust me and now I don't trust him so whats left. I will still help when I can just from further away. Part of me feels dead. But I will just have to live with the feeling.

We've been in a pecuilar neutral quiet mood. A new Other (fem) with a long drawl was out most of the day. We are also begining to realize how we girls are actually are.

Just got nail polish on my ipads screen! Lol. Scraping away.

[Aardwolf]

Today is one of those days that i don't wish to repeat. Ever.

Yet is keeps repeating, again.

Never felt so miserable

Where did the sunshine go, why are the clouds so grey and dark, why does the lightning burn but fail to provide light.

[Luce]

Got some self care stuff you can do, ACQPL? Grounding exercises / curl up with a blanket / watch a favorite show / make yourself a cuppa / listen to soothing music? Did you see the thing recently about the most calming music on the planet?

[Luce]

I am noticing that the fall out from yesterday's T session is a huge old faceslap of denial (DID? Pffft... history or abuse? Not me...) but I guess even in the denial I am able to notice things.
Just realized that two members of our front group - the group we consider ourselves to know really well - I haven't really 'known' at all. It's like that movie, the sixth sense... at the end of the movie you find out he's a ghost, and when you look back on it you can see the evidence was there all along.
I've been looking at this one of us all along, and never realized who she is to our system until now... I see now I have been looking in all the wrong places for the reason we are stuck here in this awful situation.

ETA - ermigawd, so many things are falling into place. Can't believe I didn't see this before. I must have been completely blind to have not realized this.