For as long as I can remember, I've been very dismissive of my physical body - I've pretty much abandoned it completely! I'm well into adulthood now and this abandoning of my body has really taken its toll on my physical health

I think the reason I haven't wanted to be in my body was pain.. The pain I experienced as a child was too immense, too intense.. The shame from my dad abandoning me I can still kind of recall this burning sensation all over my body as if all my nerve endings were on fire.. It was just too much for a young kid to handle.

So, I learned to shut myself down. It's insane, but sometimes I get this sense that the blood in my veins moves slower than normal.. I breathe only as much as is needed for staying alive.. I clench my stomach into a knot so it wouldn't work. Anything to keep myself 'out of my dad's way', to not bother him in any way..

I've also always been dead proud that I came up with this coping mechanism.. But now it's doing more harm than good. And I'm glad to say I feel I'm coming up with better ways of coping.. I'm learning that the way to deal with pain is to tolerate it long enough to get the message - I don't have to live in pain forever! Nor do I need to try and deny or ignore it.. I'm also learning there's no need to feel shame anymore

I want to own my body so I can love and take care of it, give it what it needs.. It SO deserves that!

[Scotch]

Originally Posted by not.dead.yet

But now it's doing more harm than good. And I'm glad to say I feel I'm coming up with better ways of coping.. I'm learning that the way to deal with pain is to tolerate it long enough to get the message - I don't have to live in pain forever! Nor do I need to try and deny or ignore it.. I'm also learning there's no need to feel shame anymore

I want to own my body so I can love and take care of it, give it what it needs.. It SO deserves that!

thank you, Scotch!