**************warning*****************************************
This is a humorous way of trying to cope with "me". Please, it is not meant to be dis-respectful... It is what I do when, things are going every which way. But if not taken in that light may seem... dis-respectful...

It is how I cope.. when things get very, very tough...

so if you haven't guessed... things are rough rigth now...

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Sometimes, you just want to say to "everyone" ie the population within me - just please "settle" down for awhile.
And do "they" listen.....ahhhhhhhhhh no.

Each is off and running doing their own therapy... grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
But ya know, I have one and only one body.. not 5,10 bodies or even one spare. So I beg with them, I plead with them, I brib them, I TELL them.. but "no one" listens to me.
I also remind them, that though I am "21", maybe "32", maybe "42"........... my body is 51 and ya know .. the body hasn't been treated so well over the last 5 years and yes ED has left it's toll.. So let's "settle" down.

There are agreements... NO you can't dress like you are 21 - you are 51.. but you can have the jewlery that you want..
OK?... OK...
And if you promise not to binge, you may have yougrt and blueberries OK? OK

So much activity.. within one mind... sometimes feels like my head is going to "pop"..

And, for "me" personally, I get tired of maintaining the peace.

How do you explain to the "one" that wants massage for aching, aching muscles that it upsets another who dreads touch? So the one goes to massage............ and the rest of us deal with the one that is "screaming" from the massage.
gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz... that's so much fun isn't it.

Peace "people" I say.. just let there be peace...

But does "anyone" listen to me......ahhhhhhhh no.

The therapist talks "concensus" "folks"... just reach a "concensus" - then puts "me" in charge of getting it and keeping it. Well, I think THAT is his job.. or at least I want to give it back to him.

Then there is the "internet man" as I call him. Stirring up memories to such a degree, that one alter has finally come forward after all these years and is sharing her enormous pain... with all... so our "system" inside is reacting in all different ways.

Peace "people" I say .... let there be peace,,,

I say "puppy" for the "internet man"... "NO" is the answer back - how do you explain that this is not a nice person on-line, and must be given up.. and the 12 year old is inside of you and she is more powerful than you right now.. cause she is re-living her nightmare of her pedophile experience???? The "internet man" is her pedophile so she is just there.. in that exact moment in time when this experience happened to her. Wouldn't you want to save your 12 year old daughter from such an on-line person? Well, I want to save my 12 year old self and I want to save myself and the "rest within me" from harm.
So I say "puppy".......... "puppies" are very nice...

Peace "people" I say..... let there be peace..

Son drops by, tells me that because he is so upset about his girlfriend and her "looking around for another man" that he got drunk that weekend - and in a drunk blackout hit his very best friend. ahhhhhhhhhhh "everyone" is called to "arms" on that. So son has an "intervention", and the next morning - enters therapy - we are now sharing our T with out son. No "one" is happy about that. But priority is that our son's welfare comes first - always.
Reactions set in over the "concensus" desicion - the welfare of our son... - quitting therapy ourselves, not quitting, anger, grief... it's all there - but each is feeling a different emotion. So each must come to terms separtely and deal with their own issues about it.
Talk about brain activity.Gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz..

Peace "people"....let there be peace.

I drop my SUV off for repairs... that will be $1,000 dollars please........ grrrrrrrrrrrrr
I have all of this activity in my brain.. reactions to all these experiences and then ......every day life intrudes... so I say OK>> fix it.. and then I add...... "please" for the counter man........ though I want to sit and scream... and I have an athsma attack but "someone" has removed my quick inhaler from my purse. Great.. "I" have asthma.. "I " tell the "others".. the body "goes" we all go. And then "I" make it a rule to never, ever take the inhaler out of the purse again - because though "you" may not need it "I" do.

Then my 22 year old, sensing a "weakness" a "tiredness" - is what he hears in my voice when he calls (he does not know about the DID) picks that night to come over - ever so
casually - just dropping by you know..
And asks me for a "loan" ... that won't be paid back $7,500.
The "mom" feels so sorry for his sob story, yep.. the deal is made.. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
So the next morning UPROAR.. a loan and $1,000 - not to mention that loaning the money was not a good learning experience for our son.. opinions, opinions.. that is all "I" have heard today.. obviously the loan decision was not a "consenus", "I" fell down on my job to obtain it.

I sleep from exhaustion.

peace "people"...... let there be peace..

no peace.. for "me".. the one that is to get and maintain the "consences" grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr that is the T job...
though "I" truely doubt that he would be up for the job - would probably drive him over the edge too.
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How do you possibly explain the brain activity to other people? I haven't but have tried to explain to therapists that do not believe in DID..

It isn't worth explaining anymore... "I am who I am, I will be who I am". That works for me. And thank God that I have a T who understands DID.

Someday, they will prove that DID exists.. by brain activity and scans.. it is just a matter of time..

But for me I don't need proof that "I" exist..

A little DID humor.. hehehe..
"I exist therefore, I am"

and let "me" add, gezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Night time.. and no sleep..

[SeptemberMorn]

I wanted to reply, but I had no idea what would be appropriate... then I remembered that my sense of humor, most often, gets me through the rough times. You got a few smiles from me on second read.

As I sat and stared at your post while trying to think of what to say, the words "things are rough right now" came into focus.

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Freewill}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I pray for you "Peace 'people' I say.. just let there be peace..."

[pegasus]

You write of the internal conflicts very well, yes I too wish you peace.

((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))

[bipolar_bear]

((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((freewill)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

BB

[Fuzzybear]

I too wish you peace!

[gostryter]

geeeeeeeeeeeeeezzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz & you keep wanting me to message you!!!!!

oh, sweetie!!! i wish i could make it all settle down!!!!

you are all the best.. wonderful people...

thank you for caring and sharing your lives with me..

Let there be peace for each and everyone of us at PC..

[January]

((((((((((( Freewill )))))))))))

I too, wish you the wonderful gift of peace.

Hugs,

Jan

[InACorner]

good luck at finding peace....your in my thoughts...in a nice friendly way...

[InACorner]

<font color="#000088">I also wish you all the peace you can dream of having!((((((((((Peace for Freewill))))))))))</font>

((((((((freewill))))))

I am just now seeing this post so I wanted to let you know you are in my thoughts and prayers. I love you and hope you feel peace soon. I know of what you speak and I can understand so much. So many love you and send you good thoughts and prayers. Take care of you and know you are loved so much.

purplesercrets