I wish I wasn't me

I wish I could just vanish forever.



i'm done

I just hate dealing with memories and stuff

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way! Please don't give up!!

Think about how strong you will feel, if everybody "came together" on the same side. I don't mean that to sound cliquish at all!! I'm in a hard place right now too, and that's what I am trying to hang on to.

Please know I hear you and I care. Wish I knew more to say, to encourage you. I understand what you are saying.

((( hug ))) - if you would like one!

((((((((( hugs )))))))))

the fact that for the past 2 weeks i've barely had any idea what's going on does not seem enough

now I have to deal with god dam christmas, and on the outside, I've never felt so alone and so abandoned

trying to just put on a brave face isn't working

(why do I have all the torture happen to me?)

today I have some christmas chocolates ariving.

small comfort.

i'm such a greedy piggy they will just be gone in a day

I bet I don't even have a christmas dinner

i dont like holidays
i just ignore them, like birthdays

we're here for ya

I'm sorry you are having such a hard time right now.
What do you think has triggered up all these feelings right now? Do you think it might be related to what you were told about your family?
Are there any insiders who can help you through this rough patch?

the stuff we were told about the family probably has a lot to do with it (we are worried in case they do fijnd us), but I think also it's that realisation- the sane as I get every year, well what have i actualyl accomplished in the past 12 months??. how has 2016 been of any value at all?

insiders that can help me... I guess a few.

lolita being 1, if only she'd just come out (she likes telling jokes, and it's great fun)

alicia too. I think my littles are cool

Sometimes littles in us come out in hard times to ease the overwhelm a little. Maybe they can come out and give you a break for a while.

Sometimes things are as they are for a while and in the end it turns out to be necessary for that part to have happened in order to pave the way for the next part. There have been times in this life when we too have felt things have been at a standstill, with no progress, no improvement, just endless pain. But over the greater span of time it has become clear that that time was needed. Sometimes the value is hard to see when you are in it. Stagnation is sometimes necessary to prompt us into change.

I think it's been drummed into all of us who have been abused that we are of no value if we do not "accomplish" things.

Maybe the question is, who is to judge whether we accomplish anything? Sometimes we are the harshest judges of ourselves.

And of course the FOO, PUS etc
(Family of origin, parental units, in my case anyway weren't exactly supportive... understatement)

maybe you're right

it does make a lot of sense