[bornunderabadsign]

I've known I suffered from DID for three years now but I don't know how to explain it to my family/friends. Not all of my alters have tried explaining but a few have and with mixed results. A few of them I was able to remain aware but not all and one of them failed miserably and only ended up ticking people off or hurting their feelings. I don't really know how to get it across to them that I'm not always present and try to explain why I have bought things that seem childish, inappropriate, or not for my gender. They think I'm weird and I know I'm weird but it isn't my fault that I'm weird or strange or mercurial and that upsets me.

How did you explain to your people?

[Luce]

Easy. I didn't.
or we did tell one friend. And learned not to tell anyone again.

[bornunderabadsign]

Originally Posted by Luce

Easy. I didn't.
or we did tell one friend. And learned not to tell anyone again.

I was afraid of that. I wish people were more understanding.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Our family is awful so it's useless to even try to get them to understand anything...but our SO and one friend knows. The SO learned of our condition rather abruptly after many years of hiding/denial not just to him but we were in denial as well...so they were bad confusing times all around. Then the dam just kinda broke open and He got flooded with a lot of stuff. So not ideal! He still struggles with understanding it, and it's hard to live with us, but it's feels much better to be able to talk to someone besides the TV and this forum about stuff..not that he really likes hearing all of our crap..but it feels like opening up to him has helped us make a lot of progress...we hope he stays
The friend was just told. Just told that we were dxd with DID...after the SO. Just told when we were chatting about our lives and issues. She had a few questions but she has known us for a,longtime and it isn't a big deal. Our relationship hasn't changed any. Both of us come from backgrounds and upbringing involving multiple childhood and adult traumas, so we tend to talk about MI things with ease and from the common ground of trauma. And when things are going badly. We just relate to the issues and feelings the dx is a nonpoint. I wish I could offer you some awesome sage wisdom..but don't know anything but our own blah blah blah...sorry. ~S

[bornunderabadsign]

I tried dating and I thought I found a nice guy but I was too much of a handful and well it didn't work out. I think the worst part was that he couldn't understand that only two of us wanted him more than just a friend and when we would fool around sometimes one of the others would get upset and make a big deal about what we were doing.

I only ever had one friend that understood but she and I are no longer friends because well she scared me and only the wounded and the warrior could deal with her and they aren't very nice but are nicer than some others in that they mostly won't react violently unless provoked.

Originally Posted by bornunderabadsign

I was afraid of that. I wish people were more understanding.

maybe in a distant distant future, people will

but that's a long way off me thinks

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Our family is awful so it's useless to even try to get them to understand anything...but our SO and one friend knows. The SO learned of our condition rather abruptly after many years of hiding/denial not just to him but we were in denial as well...so they were bad confusing times all around. Then the dam just kinda broke open and He got flooded with a lot of stuff. So not ideal! He still struggles with understanding it, and it's hard to live with us, but it's feels much better to be able to talk to someone besides the TV and this forum about stuff..not that he really likes hearing all of our crap..but it feels like opening up to him has helped us make a lot of progress...we hope he stays
The friend was just told. Just told that we were dxd with DID...after the SO. Just told when we were chatting about our lives and issues. She had a few questions but she has known us for a,longtime and it isn't a big deal. Our relationship hasn't changed any. Both of us come from backgrounds and upbringing involving multiple childhood and adult traumas, so we tend to talk about MI things with ease and from the common ground of trauma. And when things are going badly. We just relate to the issues and feelings the dx is a nonpoint. I wish I could offer you some awesome sage wisdom..but don't know anything but our own blah blah blah...sorry. ~S

your friend sounds awesome.

I am glad you have someone to talk to!

[bornunderabadsign]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

maybe in a distant distant future, people will

but that's a long way off me thinks

I hope that it happens in my lifetime but I don't think it will.

[elevatedsoul]

i didnt... i dont :/
i tried talking about it with my mom but she freaked, i just tell people i have PTSD...
easier than trying to explain dissociation...

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Oh! I've even tried the ptsd route with my mum. Her response was "you've never suffered from any trauma! You were just a horrible child who couldn't connect or understand others emotions and you were so overly sensitive that you screamed and cried about every little thing! If you think you suffered any trauma at all you're ridiculous. I suffered trauma from raising you! You destroyed my marriage! Wah wah wah waaaa... "(that's where we stop listening and she just sounds like the Charlie Brown big people)...don't narcissistic alcoholics just make the best parents

[elevatedsoul]

i get that alot :/
"what did you go through to give you ptsd?"
and infamous "ive had to deal with stuff like that my whole life"

never understanding, people are self centered... they dont even listen, why waste energy trying to explain something to them they dont wanna know or care about anyway

[amandalouise]

before I answer a bit of info... here in the USA we have privacy laws. that means no one has to tell anyone that they have any mental or physical health problems. short version its now illegal for employers to even ask if someone that works for them or that is looking for a job has a mental or physical illness and treatment providers can not go around telling family and friends, employers and any one else that they are treating someone for mental or physical illnesses.

in general with me knowing about these laws in the USA I knew I did not have to make a big deal about any of my mental and physical health problems.. its just a normal part of life for human being to have health issues here in the USA. I wouldnt go around telling my family and friends hey I enjoy this that and the other thing in my sexual life why would I go around telling everyone on this blue earth all about my having mental illnesses. frankly its none of their business.

there are a select few that do know some aspects of my issues... example in my job I witnessed a domestic violence horrific/ traumatic death. in order to be cleared for work I had to see a therapist for PTSD issues. part of having PTSD is things like anxiety, depression, dissociative issues. so of course my co workers and my boss knows I had those work related problems and per work requirements for any one in this agency I had to be cleared for work by a therapist.

My wife knows. my therapist and I told her years ago when it became clear we wanted to live together and be life partners (this was before NY State cleared the way for same sex marriages). My wife was an integral part of my healing process including my therapy and such. there wasnt this big huge deal about how to tell or otherwise. it was just a passing conversation of working out all the moving in together stuff, .... you know all that stuff you expect each other to share when becoming a couple living together... what each others finances are like, what each others rental histories are like, what each others favorites and dislikes are, what allergies each other has what health issues need to be considered.. all that normal relationship stuff comes out during the natural process of having an intimate relationship with someone that is changing to a life relationship situation.

my point with me I never made my mental illnesses to be this big huge oh my gosh who and how am I going to tell someone I have depression, how and who do I tell that I have PTSD, or bipolar or DID or I have this cold or that problem.

I just dont put myself through that kind of stress. I live by if I have to worry about how to tell someone something then obviously Im not ready to tell them and just dont tell them. I dont have to. there is no laws that say I must tell so and so I have this or that mental disorder.

[finding_my_way]

like others, i usually said i had depression, anxiety, or ptsd. i told two family members and a friend who all responded in a positive way, but i haven't really talked about it with them since. i explained things in vague ways, but my sister scared me because somehow she knew a bit about dissociation and mentioned it is like having memories, feelings, etc. separated like in a filing cabinet. it was strange to hear her say that because for so long, she was one of the many who denied that anything was wrong with me and wasn't someone i could trust.

i did not and will not share with them or others information about the others though as that is kept between me/myselves and therapist. it took me 14 or so years to even tell the therapist more in depth things, so it's not something i am willing to share with many people at all.

other people do not believe me (online) and/or react negatively, so they are not people i can trust. it is really difficult because sometimes i just need someone to talk to who kind of knows me or has for years, and it hurts that some do not/cannot believe me. i never was a person to make things up or fake things, and that is like more salt in the wounds. it is more dangerous to be honest in most cases about DID. plus, if i cannot fully understand it, i can't really expect others to.

only one person in my family knows. my sister. i told her one night about having DID. and she said something like "your whole life makes sense all of a sudden!" she said she had known, somehow, that i had different personalities, because it was so obvious to her.

[bornunderabadsign]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

Oh! I've even tried the ptsd route with my mum. Her response was "you've never suffered from any trauma! You were just a horrible child who couldn't connect or understand others emotions and you were so overly sensitive that you screamed and cried about every little thing! If you think you suffered any trauma at all you're ridiculous. I suffered trauma from raising you! You destroyed my marriage! Wah wah wah waaaa... "(that's where we stop listening and she just sounds like the Charlie Brown big people)...don't narcissistic alcoholics just make the best parents

My parents are not the best. My mom always suffocated me with affection and general neediness and my dad has always suffered from bad mood swings and they fought a lot and it was really loud. They denied their own issues for so long but are now getting help. I think some of my problems are because of them. Dad would be the cool loving guy one minute and physically/emotionally abusive the next. Luckily my dad didn't have any substance abuse problems other than his addiction to his own meds. A few time mom and me left Dad and that just made things worse and then they would get back together and things would be nice for a while only to turn sour again.

I was twenty before they would really let me out of the nest for any length of time i.e. a day or more.

Originally Posted by bornunderabadsign

I hope that it happens in my lifetime but I don't think it will.

I don't know why it's so difficult. I really don't.
I have had moments in the past where people have asked me, so, tell me how you are feeling

so I go ahead and tell them and they interupt... well, accept for that

so don't ask.

you don't want to know, don't ask

I told my family and they were like "ywah right". You know, "these things don't happen to people like us" point of view.

I love: "quit being depressed, look at me, I should be depressed by I choose not too"...huh?

The only way I can see them accuatelly absorbing it is to have a professional consult with them. That might work....but they may also get labeled as a quack.

People tend to disbelieve something that they don't understand. I just keep living our weird life minus them.

[L.P.]

I dont explain it or tell nobody or nothin like that. Had other ones in my system tell folks tho. One of em told the husband guy and he took that news bad at first but hes more cool bout it all now. He already knew what DID was n all that so most of that time was about him havin to figure out how to live comfortable along side us what when we first got the dx cuz folks was poppin out all over n all that. It was rough now n then but ok other times.

Then we have one friend somebody told n that lady flat out said how it was about time we done went n figured that one out cuz she knew back when we was real for real teenagers. Lol. Best reaction ever. That friend is a cool cat. We all like her. Her kid knows we got DID to. Well he aint really a kid he's like 20somethin but whatever. He's cool with most of us to.

We had one protector lady for a time who was doin lots of life n she told her one friend n he got DID to so that aint no biggie. That same protector told another friend who was kinda just her friend to. That other one was cool with it to. I think this one person inside we got told out bio dad but i dunno for certain. The bio dad is capt. oblivious or capt. denial so i dunno how come that one went n told him. Pointless imho. He gonna forget he heard that one asap.

Messed up thing bout us is most of us weirdos anyhow. Lol. It aint real messed up or nothin if one of our all out grown ups is outta nowhere skippin down a grocery store isle or somethin so nobody who sees us nowhere gives us a second glance if we aint actin like how we was before. Weird masks a lot of stuff. We always flew under the radar embracin the weird. Aint gotta splain nothin when 'oh she's just weird' will do.

~Gwen~

[bornunderabadsign]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I told my family and they were like "ywah right". You know, "these things don't happen to people like us" point of view.

I love: "quit being depressed, look at me, I should be depressed by I choose not too"...huh?

The only way I can see them accuatelly absorbing it is to have a professional consult with them. That might work....but they may also get labeled as a quack.

People tend to disbelieve something that they don't understand. I just keep living our weird life minus them.

Yeah, for the longest time my parents and even my brothers didn't really believe in mental issues. It was like it was some kind of pseudoscience. My brothers still don't get it they just say get over it like it is something that one can think themselves out. Parents changed their tune when they started to get some help for themselves.

They seem to think that I'm bipolar... and that I can remember everything I say or do...

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I told my family and they were like "ywah right". You know, "these things don't happen to people like us" point of view.

I love: "quit being depressed, look at me, I should be depressed by I choose not too"...huh?

The only way I can see them accuatelly absorbing it is to have a professional consult with them. That might work....but they may also get labeled as a quack.

People tend to disbelieve something that they don't understand. I just keep living our weird life minus them.

you forgot the classic one, "you're only depressed because you choose to be"

uggg i'm fed up of that one

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

you forgot the classic one, "you're only depressed because you choose to be"

uggg i'm fed up of that one

You forgot these classics......quit your crying get your s**t togetger and pull yourself up by your boots straps, just like everyone else does!...you're just not pushing yourself hard enough!..Aarrgghh! (Lol)

[Luce]

You know there is probably a gene responsible for DID. There is a study called the Dunedin longitudinal study that has been going for many years and they are discovering all sorts of things from that. Like they have learned that schizophrenia is caused by a short (weak) gene, but not everyone who has this weak from of that gene develops schizophrenia. But they found that everyone who had that weak form of the gene AND smoked cannabis developed schizophrenia.
And this person contacted the Dunedin researchers and said please look into my family, nearly EVERY single person in my family is a violent criminal. And the researchers did. And they isolated a short form of a gene which they figured out is responsible for violent criminal behavior. And then they looked at the violent criminals in their subjects in the Dunedin study, and they found that every violent criminal had that very particular weakened version of that particular gene. But they also found that many other people had that same weakened gene, but were not violent criminals. So they went back through all of their many years of mountains of data to see what other commonalities they could find. What they found was that every person who had the weakened form of that specific gene AND had childhood trauma and DIDN'T have restorative experiences of some form became a violent criminal. Every single one. The people who had the short gene and no trauma turned out like every day typical citizens. the people who had the long gene (the normal form) and no trauma were fine. Interestingly the people who had the long gene (strong) but also had trauma were also fine. Well, they may have some trauma effects, but they did not turn out to be violent criminals.

Anyway, my point is many different mental health and behavior issues can be traced to a weakened form of a specific gene that gets triggered by some event in the environment. Schizophrenia. Depressive illness (true)! Violence. And it stands to reason that every human trait, behavior or 'condition' is likely caused in the same manner - a weakened form of a gene that is triggered by an event/s in the environment. Which explains why some people can have the same or similar events happen to them and not be affected, while for others it completely changes their world.
I reckon one day they will locate the gene or genes responsible for DID.

[Michael W. Harris]

See if this excerpt helps any. I wrote it to a medical malpractice law firm.

After a divorce in 1991 I realized I had a dissociative disorder, aka multiple personality disorder. This mental illness is caused when a toddler gets traumatized so severely the toddler goes into shock. The toddler’s brain is not developed yet so this state of shock is exactly the same as a state of hypnosis. Another way to explain this is that the toddler’s brain gets broken before it even has a chance to develop.

The family is so dysfunctional that they continue to traumatize the child throughout his/her life. Therefore the child develops other personalities within the state of hypnosis which are not the same as the child’s conscious mind. There are specific triggers which cause the individual to go into this state of hypnosis. In my case because I was continually traumatized by my two year older brother and my mother, people who I innately loved, significant others can cause me to switch into that hypnotic state. My significant others could not tell one personality from another. The problem is that I do not remember all the communication that goes on and it causes severe problems in my relationships.

Originally Posted by Luce

You know there is probably a gene responsible for DID. There is a study called the Dunedin longitudinal study that has been going for many years and they are discovering all sorts of things from that. Like they have learned that schizophrenia is caused by a short (weak) gene, but not everyone who has this weak from of that gene develops schizophrenia. But they found that everyone who had that weak form of the gene AND smoked cannabis developed schizophrenia.
And this person contacted the Dunedin researchers and said please look into my family, nearly EVERY single person in my family is a violent criminal. And the researchers did. And they isolated a short form of a gene which they figured out is responsible for violent criminal behavior. And then they looked at the violent criminals in their subjects in the Dunedin study, and they found that every violent criminal had that very particular weakened version of that particular gene. But they also found that many other people had that same weakened gene, but were not violent criminals. So they went back through all of their many years of mountains of data to see what other commonalities they could find. What they found was that every person who had the weakened form of that specific gene AND had childhood trauma and DIDN'T have restorative experiences of some form became a violent criminal. Every single one. The people who had the short gene and no trauma turned out like every day typical citizens. the people who had the long gene (the normal form) and no trauma were fine. Interestingly the people who had the long gene (strong) but also had trauma were also fine. Well, they may have some trauma effects, but they did not turn out to be violent criminals.

Anyway, my point is many different mental health and behavior issues can be traced to a weakened form of a specific gene that gets triggered by some event in the environment. Schizophrenia. Depressive illness (true)! Violence. And it stands to reason that every human trait, behavior or 'condition' is likely caused in the same manner - a weakened form of a gene that is triggered by an event/s in the environment. Which explains why some people can have the same or similar events happen to them and not be affected, while for others it completely changes their world.
I reckon one day they will locate the gene or genes responsible for DID.

Well...when I was younger 30 years ago...I smoked a lot of weed and all I got was really really stoned which caused dissociation. Our mind went blank because we were high. No goingi skitzo here even though we are sorta bipolar. Lol

As far as a gene for going DID....as far as we can tell....I'm the first but also have dealt lived through lots of really soul crushing stuff.

[Michael W. Harris]

I do not believe that dissociative disorders or even most mental illnesses are genetic. But...how each individual responds or the symptoms that they exhibit may be genetic.

It will be proven in the long run that most adult mental health problems come from childhood traumas, abuses and developmental issues rather than having a genetic component. Adult PTSD comes from adult traumas not genetics.