[PinkButterflies8915]

I'm not sure exactly how to start this so I'm just going to detail this straightforward. Please keep in mind I had these symptoms before I found out what OSDD was. I've had them since about 14 but I believe I had lesser symptoms before this age, but I cannot remember. My childhood was abusive and I would rather not go back to it.
Anyway, here is the gist of it. I feel like I am two different people. I have my main self, which is me and how I normally act. However I also have times where I feel like I am actually a different person. I do not feel like this person is a version of myself, I feel like she is literally a different person entirely. She has a different appearance that I visualize in my mind's eye. She is around the same age as me though. She goes by a different name, and has a completely different appearance to how I see "myself". I do not see her as me, or as an imaginary figure, however I can almost never talk to her unless it is very quiet inside my mind and then not for very long. The only time I see her as "me" is when I feel like she is around somewhere, that is the only way I can explain it. I get this feeling in my head, like a spacey feeling, I feel compelled to act like she does, her traits are very consistent. She likes to dress a certain way, has her own preferences or whatever, however she does not control my body, she is just a part of me. I apologize for the scattered nature of this post. Questions are fine and greatly encouraged, I want to know what is going on. To add, I have never experienced psychotic symptoms.

[PinkButterflies8915]

I would like to add that I cannot tell when one of these "changes in self" will happen and I cannot induce this change to happen.

[finding_my_way]

hi. i cannot say whether it is or is not that, but it does sound similar to my experience with some parts i have. i have some who come closer to the front which is more when i can feel them, their differences, etc. and others who are more in the background/far away where i can get bits and pieces of things that way too.

i have had the experience of some kind of impressing upon me their feelings, thoughts, etc. which are usually really intense and hard for me to separate myself from which causes me to become confused about what is mine and what is theirs. it also causes me to feel disoriented and fuzzy/spacey and can affect my external behaviors, usually subtle.

does this cause difficulty in functioning for you or you are just curious about what it could be in general?

[PinkButterflies8915]

Originally Posted by finding_my_way

hi. i cannot say whether it is or is not that, but it does sound similar to my experience with some parts i have. i have some who come closer to the front which is more when i can feel them, their differences, etc. and others who are more in the background/far away where i can get bits and pieces of things that way too.

i have had the experience of some kind of impressing upon me their feelings, thoughts, etc. which are usually really intense and hard for me to separate myself from which causes me to become confused about what is mine and what is theirs. it also causes me to feel disoriented and fuzzy/spacey and can affect my external behaviors, usually subtle.

does this cause difficulty in functioning for you or you are just curious about what it could be in general?

I would say it mainly impairs my concentration and distresses me because I am not sure exactly what it is. However I had a moment recently where my part was upset for some reason, and this seemed to affect me emotionally as well. In other words I felt depressed but I did not feel like it was my depression. It mainly causes problems for me by causing me to space out severely and what I think are identity changes also bother me a lot.

[elevatedsoul]

i feel the same way

dont have any advice... just therapy...

does she cause problems for you?

its possible that i just have borderline personality though... (or both)

welcome aboard

Welcome sweety to PC! We would love to hear everything that you have to share because it sounds so familiar...we can relate.

In our case....we are co-conscience...so much that the lights never go out...but we do take over as we do.

But I can also say that when Others are stimulated...they can give physical sensations in their attempts of expressing their opinion with out taking over.

You are not alone in this.

I can't and won't analyze you...but just share my experiences.

[PinkButterflies8915]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

Welcome sweety to PC! We would love to hear everything that you have to share because it sounds so familiar...we can relate.

In our case....we are co-conscience...so much that the lights never go out...but we do take over as we do.

But I can also say that when Others are stimulated...they can give physical sensations in their attempts of expressing their opinion with out taking over.

You are not alone in this.

I can't and won't analyze you...but just share my experiences.

Thank you so much. It gives me some kind of hope that others can relate to my experiences. I am glad to be here.

[elevatedsoul]

thats what is so important to me as well, being able to relate with someone... atleast one other person...
because its such an alienating feeling, living like this... not knowing whats happening and feeling like you are the only person in the world with this problem... not feeling understood and feeling isolated and left out... ignored and abused, ashamed and confused....

[amandalouise]

your question/ statement with in your post........I want to know what is going on.

I'm sorry I cant tell you what is going on with in you and your body. only your own treatment providers can tell you that.

what I can tell you is that at the bottom of my post is a link to what OSDD with a specifier of number 1 is here in america...

I can also tell you what my own treatment providers would look at to see if what you posted would be OSDD specifier 1 in me...

they would first look at what dissociation symptoms I have...(this is because in the diagnostics i would have to have some dissociative symptoms (feeling numb, spaced out, disconnected... and other dissociative symptoms) that affect social, occupational, functioning in the more dominant parts of my life. after those key dissociation symptoms are found then my treatment provider would have to look at the specifiers and decide which number fits my dissociation symptoms....

1 means the dissociation problems that I have do not cause lots of memory problems, doesnt cause me lots of questioning who and what I am, doesnt cause me lots of switching into and out of alters, most of the time I dont feel like Im different people with different jobs, purposes reasons for being created, different moods (sense of agency stuff) but my dissociation problems are long term happening many times.

if i fit all that then my treatment provider says yes you have OSDD with a specifier of number 1.

for OSDD with a specifier number 1 a person does not have to have alternate personalities, they can but its not necessary.

I know many people with OSDD with a specifier of number 1 that do not have alternate personalities in the sense of DID like alters. their occasional switching into parts is more like ego states, introjects and such other types of alters.

Again I cant tell you what is going on with in you, for that you will need to contact your own treatment providers in your off the computer location.