[flockpride]

Hi
Does anyone else get lonely with the DID situation? I cannot talk to anyone. It feels like I have to keep a secret and that contributes to shame, which is already an issue from the abuse and trauma.

This forum has been helpful. Are other people in support groups?

I'm tired of dealing with this. Some days I want it to stop.
I have a part that can step in and behave as though this is not an issue. Other parts can't do that anymore because of co-consciousness. I liked it better when I didn't know and could drift through life competent and forgetful. Not really.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Hi
Does anyone else get lonely with the DID situation? I cannot talk to anyone. It feels like I have to keep a secret and that contributes to shame, which is already an issue from the abuse and trauma.

This forum has been helpful. Are other people in support groups?

I'm tired of dealing with this. Some days I want it to stop.
I have a part that can step in and behave as though this is not an issue. Other parts can't do that anymore because of co-consciousness. I liked it better when I didn't know and could drift through life competent and forgetful. Not really.

before integration no I never felt lonely. my having DID meant I was never alone, always had someone to talk to because the alters were there. example if I was feeling numb and wanted to talk about it all I had to do was think or say I feel numb and Rainy would answer something like yea I wish I felt numb I just feel scared and I would say something like wanna trade?

my point no matter what I was going through I was never alone because the alters were there.

my internal system was also comprised under the abusers rule of do not tell. so given this rule by my abusers again I was never lonely or wanted to seek out someone to talk to, in fact I went out of my way to avoid any situation that resulted in discussions that would reveal any secrets or personal information.

theres also the fact that people dont usually go around talking to others outside their treatment providers about their mental and physical health problems. in the normal realm of things people talk about their jobs, their kids, their school. they dont go around saying hey guess what I have DID how about you what kinds of mental problems do you have... my point since normal people dont go around spilling their guts about their mental and physical health challenges then why should the mentally ill.

Im not saying theres anything wrong with it, just that in the american culture it just isnt normal conversation to go into great detail about ones mental illnesses. in fact doing so can leave a person open to things like hate crimes and other things here in my city. we even have laws now in america that say employers cant ask their employees whether they are mentally ill or have a mental problem. ones mental and physical health now falls under the title of personal information. even the police recommend a person doesnt just go out having discussions with people about having mental illness.

most people I know keep their mental illnesses private and only discuss them with their treatment providers and if they have any therapy / support groups that they attend.

that said after integration though I was a bit scared and lonely because I had to learn how to handle everything that the alters did for me like socialization. I didnt have the alters to rely and listen to any more. thats when I started seeking out online groups where there may be people like me at integration level of healing, to help my self and others to get through this trying time of being able to feel a full range of emotions, the loneliness of having no one to talk to, and having to take care of my own problems with out dissociating and other problem areas that come with integration.

my suggestion talk with your treatment provider, they will be able to help you to get in contact with any therapy groups and support groups that may fit what problems you may be having. they can also teach you how to listen and talk inside if you havent already been doing this.

[Luce]

I didn't think I felt lonely with it until an old friend got in contact with us again and then I realized how very, very comforting, validating and 'normalizing' it is to have a friend who truly 'gets it'. We live far away from each other, so we skype, and it is so very much better than just typing to another on a forum or something like this. We know each other very well as we had a real life friendship for many years before we moved cities and didn't see each other for a long time.
We really strongly believe it is very good to have a friend who understands and goes through many of the same things.
It is a normal human need. When people become a parent for the first time they often enjoy spending time with and sharing experiences with other new parents. When people go through traumatic experiences they often get a lot out of being in a support group with others who have been through the same thing. People in general tend to enjoy the company of others who are like them in some way, who share a common interest of experience. It is supportive. It is validating. It is entirely normal.
Our friend and us truly enjoy each others company. We have never shared more than the most basic generalizations about our traumas. But we share about our struggles with dissociation and support each other. We understand each other and offer each other suggestions that - more often than not - truly help. And we don't consider our DID to be a 'mental illness'. It is our normal and in the circumstances it was a normal response to the trauma. There is no shame between us about having DID!
I am so glad we have our friend, and I hope you find one too. It helps in so very many different ways. And taking away the shame of it is one of the biggest. There are so many others out there like me, like our friend, like others here, like you. And for all its pain, confusion, trauma and 'mental illness status', DID itself is kinda normal.

[flockpride]

I get that in America people don't run around saying "hey guess what? I am mentally ill." Did you really think that is what I was asking?

I was inquiring about social support among peers in this experience of having a dissociative disorder. There are not a lot of support groups, which are a normal part of mental health and other health recovery processes. Surely you know this.

I'm glad you didn't ever feel lonely. What a blessing for you.

I'm glad you have successfully integrated and I wish you nothing but wellness and peace.

It is a normal human need to want to connect and share experiences. "Yeah, I get that. I thought I was the only one." etc.

[flockpride]

thank you so much
I appreciate your insight and response

Originally Posted by Luce

I didn't think I felt lonely with it until an old friend got in contact with us again and then I realized how very, very comforting, validating and 'normalizing' it is to have a friend who truly 'gets it'. We live far away from each other, so we skype, and it is so very much better than just typing to another on a forum or something like this. We know each other very well as we had a real life friendship for many years before we moved cities and didn't see each other for a long time.
We really strongly believe it is very good to have a friend who understands and goes through many of the same things.
It is a normal human need. When people become a parent for the first time they often enjoy spending time with and sharing experiences with other new parents. When people go through traumatic experiences they often get a lot out of being in a support group with others who have been through the same thing. People in general tend to enjoy the company of others who are like them in some way, who share a common interest of experience. It is supportive. It is validating. It is entirely normal.
Our friend and us truly enjoy each others company. We have never shared more than the most basic generalizations about our traumas. But we share about our struggles with dissociation and support each other. We understand each other and offer each other suggestions that - more often than not - truly help. And we don't consider our DID to be a 'mental illness'. It is our normal and in the circumstances it was a normal response to the trauma. There is no shame between us about having DID!
I am so glad we have our friend, and I hope you find one too. It helps in so very many different ways. And taking away the shame of it is one of the biggest. There are so many others out there like me, like our friend, like others here, like you. And for all its pain, confusion, trauma and 'mental illness status', DID itself is kinda normal.

[flockpride]

[QUOTE=amandalouise;5456855]
...also not being alone doesn't mean not lonely. A person can perceive that they are not getting along socially and that there is something causing this difference.
Parts are a way not to be alone in trying circumstances. Trauma can be highly isolating, especially where there is abuse and family secrets, etc.

[elevatedsoul]

yes, i do feel alone in this
but i am surrounded by people... which only makes me feel more alone because no one understands...

[ruh roh]

Oh yes. I feel this very strongly at times. I would think that most people want to feel known and accepted. It's hard when I only get that in a controlled setting with a mh professional.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Hi
Does anyone else get lonely with the DID situation? I cannot talk to anyone. It feels like I have to keep a secret and that contributes to shame, which is already an issue from the abuse and trauma.

This forum has been helpful. Are other people in support groups?

I'm tired of dealing with this. Some days I want it to stop.
I have a part that can step in and behave as though this is not an issue. Other parts can't do that anymore because of co-consciousness. I liked it better when I didn't know and could drift through life competent and forgetful. Not really.

Yes. I'm actually kind of feeling that way right now. It is a lonely place with no one to talk to. I'm so glad ya'll are here!

It seemed easier for me too, in a way, before I knew what was going on. I wonder sometimes if I'm ever going to be ok. I AM going to be ok, and I have complete confidence you will be too! It just takes time, patience and perseverance. That's what I tell myself anyway.

((( understanding hug )))

[flockpride]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

Yes. I'm actually kind of feeling that way right now. It is a lonely place with no one to talk to. I'm so glad ya'll are here!

It seemed easier for me too, in a way, before I knew what was going on. I wonder sometimes if I'm ever going to be ok. I AM going to be ok, and I have complete confidence you will be too! It just takes time, patience and perseverance. That's what I tell myself anyway.

((( understanding hug )))

TrailRunner, thank you for your response. I need a place to talk about the experience, not just be clinical or working at being "normal" in the world.
I think I am ok. The journey is a lot about acceptance as far as the dissociative stuff. When I remember to be self compassionate I feel better.
Time, patience and perseverance...and tears and hugs.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

(((FLOCKPRIDE)))
I feel very much the same as you. My whole life has been a struggle to "fit" any where. always trying hard to appear normal..People in general seem to just not like me..I have always felt that other people can see the anxiety written all over my face. And no one would think DID... but they can tell I'm off in some way..so I think that they don't trust me. And anytime any of us tried to make friends the inconsistencies of behaviors would become noticeable....unavoidable because you never know when a trigger is gonna pop up...and eventually they would decide that it was too stressful maintaining a relationship. Probably thought I had severe emotion dysregulation mood disorder or was a drama queen or something...which couldn't be further from the truth! Over the years we have become more and more withdrawn because all of the energy to try and consistently fail keeping up appearances is just plain exhausting.
Other than T only 2peole we have told..husband just left us..abruptly abrupt and cruelly. I think he thought it was just all fun and games for a while until it became too real for him and just like everyone else decided that we were just making his life unessecarily complicated. best friend knows she understands trauma well. She doesn't entirely get it but it hasn't changed our relationship..we have been bffs since teens so she has already accepted us for how we are so what we are dxd with is a moot point it's just a label to explain why.
I also wish there were support groups. Trauma support groups are many but have not come across any for DDs. Tried a couple of trauma groups found them too triggering as many people want to talk about the abuse they have endured. I don't know what happened to us exactly so hearing others speak in detail about abuse is very scary.
-lost

[Luce]

[QUOTE=flockpride;5458017]TrailRunner, thank you for your response. I need a place to talk about the experience, not just be clinical or working at being "normal" in the world.
I think I am ok. The journey is a lot about acceptance as far as the dissociative stuff. When I remember to be self compassionate I feel better.
Time, patience and perseverance...and tears and hugs.[/QUOTE

I think this is the part that friendships with other people with DID can really help with. When you are standing in front of someone with DID and can actually their very real struggle with things that you yourself struggle with you can feel compassion for that person long before you can give it to yourself. You *recognize* the struggle. When you see them flinch and react to inner battles, or see them switch from one to another when triggered or stressed or overwhelmed (didn't happen often but it did happen) you understand their inner pain / reality / struggle / distress in a way that helps you to appreciate the same thing in yourself. You KNOW them. For me knowing them helped us to know ourselves. To be compassionate for ourselves. And to connect to ourselves. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe acceptance is the best word.

[Mully]

Originally Posted by flockpride

Hi
Does anyone else get lonely with the DID situation? I cannot talk to anyone. It feels like I have to keep a secret and that contributes to shame, which is already an issue from the abuse and trauma.

This forum has been helpful. Are other people in support groups?

I'm tired of dealing with this. Some days I want it to stop.
I have a part that can step in and behave as though this is not an issue. Other parts can't do that anymore because of co-consciousness. I liked it better when I didn't know and could drift through life competent and forgetful. Not really.

I could have written your post, word for word. I feel the exact same way. I don't have any good answer because I'm stuck myself... stuck in shame, self blame, etc. But I wanted to reach out just a little to say that you are not alone in your feelings, I completely get it. I wish I could find a "safe" place to deal with it all, outside of my T's office.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Lost_in_the_woods

(((FLOCKPRIDE)))
I feel very much the same as you. My whole life has been a struggle to "fit" any where. always trying hard to appear normal..People in general seem to just not like me..I have always felt that other people can see the anxiety written all over my face. And no one would think DID... but they can tell I'm off in some way..so I think that they don't trust me. And anytime any of us tried to make friends the inconsistencies of behaviors would become noticeable....unavoidable because you never know when a trigger is gonna pop up...and eventually they would decide that it was too stressful maintaining a relationship. Probably thought I had severe emotion dysregulation mood disorder or was a drama queen or something...which couldn't be further from the truth! Over the years we have become more and more withdrawn because all of the energy to try and consistently fail keeping up appearances is just plain exhausting.
Other than T only 2peole we have told..husband just left us..abruptly abrupt and cruelly. I think he thought it was just all fun and games for a while until it became too real for him and just like everyone else decided that we were just making his life unessecarily complicated. best friend knows she understands trauma well. She doesn't entirely get it but it hasn't changed our relationship..we have been bffs since teens so she has already accepted us for how we are so what we are dxd with is a moot point it's just a label to explain why.
I also wish there were support groups. Trauma support groups are many but have not come across any for DDs. Tried a couple of trauma groups found them too triggering as many people want to talk about the abuse they have endured. I don't know what happened to us exactly so hearing others speak in detail about abuse is very scary.
-lost

Yes! We feel very similarly. We are 'off' as well. Never quite right. Too inconsistent. Too 'there'. Too distant. Too moody. A 'liar'. Not dependable. Too changeable. Too crazy. Too weird. Too odd. Too immature. Too clinical. Too detached. Too abnormal. Too socially unacceptable. Too robotic. Too affectionate. Too sexual. Too prudish. Too wrong.
It is just too hard to try and maintain any form of relationship. It never goes right.
Our DID friend accepts and understands all of it because she more or less has the same!

[flockpride]

Originally Posted by Luce

Yes! We feel very similarly. We are 'off' as well. Never quite right. Too inconsistent. Too 'there'. Too distant. Too moody. A 'liar'. Not dependable. Too changeable. Too crazy. Too weird. Too odd. Too immature. Too clinical. Too detached. Too abnormal. Too socially unacceptable. Too robotic. Too affectionate. Too sexual. Too prudish. Too wrong.
It is just too hard to try and maintain any form of relationship. It never goes right.
Our DID friend accepts and understands all of it because she more or less has the same!

All that!!

I do get lonely also, even though I am usually surrounded by people. I feel like O have a huge secret to keep, and I cant talk to anyone about it. It can be very isolating.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I do get lonely also, even though I am usually surrounded by people. I feel like O have a huge secret to keep, and I cant talk to anyone about it. It can be very isolating.

My thoughts and words too. It's so much lonelier to be in a group of people who you are supposed to be friends/family with and feel no connection and so by yourself.

Understanding shoulder hug.

[Luce]

Originally Posted by Starry_Night

I do get lonely also, even though I am usually surrounded by people. I feel like O have a huge secret to keep, and I cant talk to anyone about it. It can be very isolating.

Yes! This.
It IS a big old secret to keep.

[elevatedsoul]

a secret... yeah....
try your best not to scream out "IM BROKEN" and feels like everything you do or say does it anyway... even though it doesnt and everything seems normal...
thats why im a quiet guy... talking makes things complicated, small talk is sucky... conversations are confusing.... maybe i need to hang out at the library

[Michael W. Harris]

I feel horribly alone. The loneliness kept getting worse as the years went by and I could not find a mental health professional to help me. I also do not have any loved ones or close friends who can verify the dissociation, aka memory problems.

I am sixty-one now and the mental health professionals cannot cure me in time for me to get my life back. They will not give me disability either even though I can prove that I have been trying to get mental health therapy since 1992. I have had multiple hospitalizations. I have been unemployed since 2001. The total isolation is the main reason that I have become a full alcoholic.

I sometimes pray that I will get cancer or have a heart attack to end this nightmare.

[Luce]

That does sound like a very lonely place to be, MWH.
Are there any things in life that bring you joy? Or moments of calm or peacefulness?

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by Luce

That does sound like a very lonely place to be, MWH.
Are there any things in life that bring you joy? Or moments of calm or peacefulness?

Alcoholic blackouts seem to work.

[OliverB]

I have been alone for so much time... I found out, recently, since my communication improved, I feel lonely even when I socialize. It's better than being completely isolated but it's not... fully... comfortable?

I can *show* everyone at the same time, I feel like hidden inside, depersonalization maybe.... at others time it's just one of my people... that's not fully me... I don't "fully me" interact with people, I do it with "partial me"... I guess that's were lonliness even when I am with people comes from.

I normally behave in the same way to be coherent... but I feel I am isolating other people from my head... other parts of my brain... I don't have DID, I just dissociate a lot and have like... fragments? Some co-conciousness.

"Me"= a bunch of people, but I can show one at time ._.

[just2b]

Very lonely at times here. T only one we talk to and since she doesnt respond to text or email outside sessions it's feels worse. I have no adult contact my kids are it every other week. Sometimes I like being alone sometimes not