Went to a AA meeting last night and outed myself. It was scary, but necessary. I'm a multiple alcoholic/addict.

"How it works" states...'There are those, too, who suffer from grave emotional and mental disorders, but many of them do recover if they have the capacity to be honest.'

We were drinking anywhere from a 12 pack of beer to a case a night. We have resentments...some yuuuuge resentments.

I've lived like I've been hiding something all my life....a deep dark secret only to be taken to the grave....but it was destroying us.

It seperated us from humankind....

We are going to try to keep being real with ourselves and others around us....and hopefully pull it together....and join the human race....or not.

Oh yeah....suppose to be talking to a T here soon...just need to know costs and treatment plan.

Picked up a desire chip. So far out of 33 years of drinking/drugging....we've only had 3 years of continuous sobriety years ago.

We now have 24 hours.

[ACrystalGem]

Well done for the 24 hours sobriety!

[dlantern]

Prayerfully no judgment externally or with yourselves. Take care of yourselves.

[childofchaos831]

We have told some people in AA about being multiple, but it's difficult to open up to the whole meeting. I am amazed by your bravery! Congratulations on 24hrs!

[kecanoe]

Glad to hear about your sobriety! AA was a huge, powerful and good influence in my life. I hope it is in yours as well.

Thanks you all. This is hard and our system is in turmoil any where from fear, disgust, outreageous, pain....but we know we must because this is the fuel to our alcoholism. It's our deep dark secret...hell yeah we like the affects produced by alcohol!

TW:

Possible trigger:

We had waves of sui flow through us...

This is so hard. I heard gasps when they heard how much we are drinking, we are attending every night.

[Michael W. Harris]

I had been to AA meetings in Florida State Hospital and in prison but I did not truly start going seriously until I moved to Lake City, Florida to go to the VA Clinic. From 2008 until 2012 I attended on and off. I earned multiple one month chips, multiple three month chips, a couple of six month chips and one nine month chip.

Sometimes AA made me feel so warm and comfortable that I thought I would be involved in it forever. Then other times some religious fruitcake would be chairing the meeting and totally focus on converting all the drunks to Christianity. They just could not leave it alone that my higher power was the group. Since I have studied the Bible and have read it cover to cover at least three times, I don't like it when people preach to me.

But the main problem that I had with maintaining my sobriety was that I was isolated, unemployed, getting no support from the mental health staff for my mental health problems, and had no friends or intimates in Lake City.

Besides AA the only way that I got to have any conversations with people was to go to two pubs. I also got to flirt with the female bar tenders. That was the only female contact I had. Heterosexual males have to have female contact even if it is only verbal. Just about all the female bar tenders were my age. They understand that old men just like to flirt and that there is no deeper desire.