I feel like I'm on an ever quest to be.....human.

The subtleties on human relationships eludes me. The nuances....the limits and boundaries...

Appropriate responses according to whom?.....society?

Human social interaction is....confusing....touch, look, affection?

Emotions are so...illogical. Emotions are compartmentalized until such times deemed appropriate and neccessary for immediate survival or natural human relations.

We prefer isolation, but once again we have delved into the social fabric through a work situation for the past year plus. Wading through personal human relations from company to antagontist has been quite...overwhelming.

But.....we have surpassed the one year or so continuous cycle of daily personal interaction with humanoid types of both genders and have been somewhat successful of maintaining a somewhat of a respectable relationship with both genders...with only one anomaly....but we were able to regulate that to nothingness.

But....trying to be a singular person has proved to be impossible because of said condition....but we have let our truth be known and have accepted us in our present situaition to be the best that we can be without any...or a lot of self hate.

So the grand experiment continues of trying to blend and fit in continues. Everyday is an exercise in pretending to be a competent human being as the past has been. I'm happy to report that in function we excell....but interpersonal relationships....not.

I can't help to feel that we put too much thought behind this. What say you about yourselves?

[yagr]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

I feel like I'm on an ever quest to be.....human.

As are we all.

It's been said that we are not human beings trying to have a spiritual experience but spiritual beings trying to have a human experience. It's not our natural state; there's going to be challenges.

Originally Posted by yagr

As are we all.

It's been said that we are not human beings trying to have a spiritual experience but spiritual beings trying to have a human experience. It's not our natural state; there's going to be challenges.

Maybe so...but to be human on a human scale.....those that take being human for granted of which I can barely fathom. Just base humanness.

I know I must have been born on Mars...Venus...Pluto...

[Amyjay]

I fail spectacularly at human relationships. I don't really have any. I don't have any friends. Family are all abusers. I don't know how to do relationships. When my therapist leaves I will be back to having no one but abusers.

Edited to add I manage to not make a complete idiot of myself at work most of the time. I can put on a façade long enough to get through the working day... most of the time.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I fail spectacularly at human relationships. I don't really have any. I don't have any friends. Family are all abusers. I don't know how to do relationships. When my therapist leaves I will be back to having no one but abusers.

Edited to add I manage to not make a complete idiot of myself at work most of the time. I can put on a façade long enough to get through the working day... most of the time.

We, too. We just suck it up and keep plodding along at work....chalking it up too just another public display of our outward "uniqueness" while masking the internal humilation and embarrassment, lol.

We went forward (first time ever with reservation) and told the front office about our condition....DID/OSDD.....and I thought they would be freaked...but a manager started talking about her anxiety problem and another now smiles at me funny (imagination?) but is still real nice. Never thought I'd do that...but was getting into weird situations with a co-worker (like he was passive agressively terrorizing us upsetting us and the littles...the males were freaking because our hands were tied because we would lose our job....they wanted to slug him...but we also dissociate on confrontations and they get pissed about that) and felt that I had to explain myself because the anxiety was building day after day.

Really thinking of just being freer of this type of mental condition and educating those around me.

Sad thing is...I can see the areas where I am lacking... like empathy or caring, or happiness, or anger, or memories, or....but have no access to that ability that another part possesses. I can feel a barrier of untainability. I think we posted a similar thread like this a year ago come to think of it..., now sober, lol.

It's very saddening in itself to be denied a complete human equipped with qualities and traits that singletons take for granted. :/

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by AlwaysChanging2

We went forward (first time ever with reservation) and told the front office about our condition....DID/OSDD.....and I thought they would be freaked...but a manager started talking about her anxiety problem and another now smiles at me funny (imagination?) but is still real nice. Never thought I'd do that...but was getting into weird situations with a co-worker (like he was passive agressively terrorizing us upsetting us and the littles...the males were freaking because our hands were tied because we would lose our job....they wanted to slug him...but we also dissociate on confrontations and they get pissed about that) and felt that I had to explain myself because the anxiety was building day after day.

Really thinking of just being freer of this type of mental condition and educating those around me.

Sad thing is...I can see the areas where I am lacking... like empathy or caring, or happiness, or anger, or memories, or....but have no access to that ability that another part possesses. I can feel a barrier of untainability. I think we posted a similar thread like this a year ago come to think of it..., now sober, lol.

It's very saddening in itself to be denied a complete human equipped with qualities and traits that singletons take for granted. :/

That was so brave of you! Yay for being heard!