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#961
thank you but unfortunately for me that is an impossibility but I know what I need to do.
be well |
amandalouise
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amandalouise
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
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#962
Had a horrible, horrible experience at work today when a colleague, whom I don't know well, was talking about an assault she had witnessed some time ago and - without any warning at all- demonstrated what happened by suddenly lunging forward and grabbing my head in both her hands. In the briefest instant I went from eating my lunch and trying to block out annoying talk around me to re-experiencing abuse and full-on switching in the lunch room in front of five colleagues.
Yeah. NOT FUN. |
Alatea, downandlonely, ElliottDixon
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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,360
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#963
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
Posts: 2,439
7 692 hugs
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#964
I find therapy so challenging, I don't understand it at all. I don't understand what happens in the therapy room or how it happens, or why it happens, because it is SO removed from my every day life. Is the stuff that happens in there even real? Every week we go to therapy and this - STUFF - happens and then we leave and continue on with real life. Cue the next week, when we find ourselves in the therapy room again and - STUFF - carries on as though it is real.
I don't understand me, I don't understand "us", I don't understand "I", and I don't understand "therapy". I am trying to! |
just2b
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Member
Member Since Jul 2017
Location: Maryland
Posts: 43
6 3 hugs
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#965
I had the first symptom of DID in a long time. . I feel intense fear knowing my mind is not accounting for my time accurately.
__________________ I've been coming to Psych Central since I found it in 2010. I love all of you that use this forum. You've saved my life many times. Thank you!
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#966
I, I think, am learning all facets of smell whew it is a doozy!! It sucks being a system! Seeing as though my abuse was in a basement mostly, it scares me! Well I guess if somebody can not leave me alone and maybe share how ur impacted that would be great!!.
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downandlonely
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
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#967
going to be job driven to possibly a porn shop can some of the best prompt an intregration!! is what we need to check in to state. Please if u know of a system that has had success share please and thank you!!
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: SpACE
Posts: 597
14 141 hugs
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#968
Last two sessions have been in silence. I guess T is tired of doing all the talking, and finds my session to take a break. I am hurt. I am pissed off. I am damn angry. I cant stand the silence. After first seeion told her i am uncomfortable with silence. And was told to sit with that uncomfortableness. This was thur text. As much as i get what she is trying to do, i feel distant, abandoned. Again this is how silence feels, she has not done anything but sit there, and here i am stirred up with anger, hurt, abandonment and about to quit therapy. Yesterday was the 2nd appt. I walked out after 30 min, but returned because i was in tears, was able to say i dont know why i am so upset. I cant do what she wants me to do, and sit there and describe and explain what i feel and experience. Its been 6 years, well start of 7th year Dec 5th...
Even if i go back jan 2nd i am not sure i will be the same. I already feel deeply hurt. And been having a lot of connection issues, and this just makes me want to disconnect from her. I actually feel i hate her. I dont plan on emailing or texting her over the next two weeks, which will be very very difficult. I know this is from a very deep emotional place, and some old feelings of rejection, abandonment, hurts, and people that have actually used the silent treatment on me, and its its overwhelmingly painful. If i am unable to get myself to leave Jan 2, maybe our silence, if it continues, i will just write. Not sure i will leave it for after each session or not give to her at all. Thanks for letting me vent |
possum220
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Legendary
Member Since Jan 2009
Location: Uppa Gumtree West
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#969
Not been here for ages. Feel like I am going backwards.
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2009
Location: SpACE
Posts: 597
14 141 hugs
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#970
Well so much for my plan to not text her. I did. I feel awful for what i have written here, though have not told her any of it. Trying to desribe things to her without saying anything. Wonder if i to just need to accept that i felt it all and move on? Just know if it comes back, i wont ever beable to tell her. Anxious about seeing her in Jan.
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#971
Tired of being know for one thing we are a forgiving country I am not a serial killer on death row! Until you can get her thinking out of your mind this probably isn't a good space to even learn in what context one thing thinking is. I think you have remember what it was like remembering four to five ways of being, wasn't that hard especially if you came from a big family. Please seek to help ONLY CHILD THINKING when dealing with dissociation trauma and especially multiple personality disorder. Those are the one singleton I wouldn't want to be apart of over, learning probably would be difficult for folks like that!
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#972
jatinine, u never look at the scolded one in the family just never ….No never there is domino affect everybody knows this is sibling timed to get whipped no no rule number one …..its don't look at me leave me along!!! Never look at those getting whipped period it is sabotage.....there is a way to be not like this odd looking too much can get done in the influence slave driver!! u just don't like a serial killer watching it isn't etiquette don't not watch the alter !!! staring is like bully didn't sling shot the neighbor it is reason for a stalker to call a distress signal at a store lock the door and also to get something put on the stiring wheel of the car...….
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#973
so that he isn't humiliated totally what do you do you elevated growth in every area. Continued from reactment guidance so that the alter doesn't invoke fear or any type of worship
Oh what big p*nis you got Oh what big hands and feet you got Oh what wonderful job and growth Oh what piece of meat is certain more than you had Oh what piece of meat to saat aside to worship thy presense Oh what certain form you get driving the gate code Oh what the amount of money he makes Oh what great sex he has Oh what wonderful life he has Oh what a pience of penis he had on my plate just let up Oh what this tactic will continue if you don't acknowledge this he just wants worship the junie alter everybody knows this is the tactic of ur step father mother father sister brother when they don't want to continue to see the hell of recoiling and opening up Oh what great hair you got Oh what wonderful wives you got Oh what big brawn voice and muscles Just continue to let up maybe he won the lottery made my social worker rich the he might have been clairvoyance and shiela won at ac atlantic city she messaged him prolly Oh what big amouth of digits his voice his administrator his junior maybe argee lost a kid that was to be junior who knows just worship so they let up... worship it publically no body cares what you all do now!! all ur questions will be answered here in this forum |
Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
4 |
#974
tacile touch triggers are truly just a test of strength and character. If I had a dollar for all the one stands that irritated the system that just wanted a love bomder type lover boy to make it up I would be rich. Techy systems such as yourself really need to focus on slowing down and reupping. The best most advance understand this the medical focus of some of us can put us out of business . I would employ you to take a look at the most current information for medical focus fear tactics such as dumb grandma's and witch tactics only keep you a liar, I am not about to worship it that much either. The gift of gab is such and over statement so please emphasize to you can break up the synchronization and understand what it actually means to find every alter and get it to talk. The other end of this screwed up is screwed enjoy your social security there isn't anything wrong with carrying a llife time of medical illness and joked for it. It comes with the territory!
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Account Suspended
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: Philadelphia
Posts: 144
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#975
Today's check in: Wen you need me I will be there! Stop feeling bad because he has to wait for continuity. Don't crowd out your space with those thoughts that aren't need. Fame says to please make sure your therapist are doing what they suppose to do so that increasing co con isn't such a huge deal!! So stop trying to be soooo thrilling please!
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Poohbah
Member Since Dec 2011
Location: Long Island NY
Posts: 1,272
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#976
I have been confused by the notion of co con. There are those of us who are aware that we are a group of selves who have agreed to work together to keep us out of jail and psy hospitals. And so far so good. But we also have selves who sometimes push us back and take control and we have gaps in the day. This happened mostly when I was in my teens heavily drinking and using drugs. But there are some selves who don't feel like they are fully aware of the rest of us. That is a scary space. While we were functioning in the world we had someone who would go in between the selves and share information. So if we met someone new at work one day and weeks later that person comes up and says hi, a part would get that information from a mail sorter and give it to the self who was out at the time. He was very busy for many years. For a long time we didn't question it but once we were diagnosed and I was able to accept the dx the part who did the job took a rest. What helped me accept us was something my t said. She said that originally we were created to protect the original self. So we were all helpers. Even the scary ones or the ones who self harm. It just that as the body got older some of us still delt with stress they way that have since I was 4. That caused conflict, confusion and fear. I think co con is different for everyone. We have agreed to keep everyone safe. And we have agreed to respect each other even if we don't understand each other or get along with each other. I am in my 60's now. I will have my selves with me for ever. Some have merged but we are me
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#977
Ooops...made a BIG mistake. Obviously thought doing better than we are. Was a documentary relating to the nature of the abuse we suffered. Thought well enough to handle it. Even thought it would be verifying to hear others talk more specifically of our abuse.
Well, not handling it well. Reverting to old coping mechanisms. At least see it, we guess. Don't want to call T. Don't want to admit we can't handle it. Also it's a big birthday for him and relatives coming from all over the country for celebration. A rare event he takes a couple days off. Angry that it still can affect us so many, many years later....a lifetime. Well past the lifetime of some of our abusers. Trying to be rational. Trying to calm the upset ones. Trying to be adult. Unfortunately, old ways still work better than all that stuff we've been taught. Just immediately reverted to old, comfortable ways. |
Alatea
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#978
Feeling invisible. I saw my P'doc this week. He recommended going inpatient.
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Fuzzybear
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Wisest Elder Ever
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#979
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#980
Wow what a cruddy day. For almost a year my leg has been getting worse. Just not working properly. Did 3 courses of PT. Thought I was just imagining it, but friends started commenting how almost daily it seemed worse. Had everything imaged. Brain, hip, back, knees. No cause apparent. Another round PT. Saw doc to review everything. Everything normal BUT..he said. Apparently, there is a gasket around hip, he thinks that may have been torn a year ago. Repairable if we can find surgeon who will do it. He said rare surgery. More MRIs, CATs etc. At first was ok let's just get it done. Found out the rounds of PT was the exact opposite of what should have been done. Then we saw a description of the surgery, test, recovery. Insiders hollering * they are not touching us there...you promised never again*. And I did promise. To top this off my T is on a much earned 8 day vacation. He encouraged me to continue testing as he was sure it wasn't *in my head* even when I was beginning to think it was. Know nothing he can say or do that can't wait 8 days. But wish he were here and had some magic, soothing words.
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