[woundedhearts]

I am not one, I am many. On the outside you see this shell that is just one. If you could see on the inside, there are many. So many frail and fragile parts that make up a whole. This one shell, this one part has so many dreams and wishes that all seem so far away. The only safety and sanity that I had for many years was in a fairy tale land. The fairy tale land was within. It helped me to stay sane and to stay alive. The fairy tale land is going away, disappearing, and just fading out of site. I so wish that I can grow and be big like the outside shell is. It looks so strong and so big. Even cushiony. It is just a look that makes people think that I am so strong and can handle life as it goes by, but really I am this tiny, frail, fragile part that is among many many others. If I could have wings and fly away to a land that I felt safe and sane it would be so wonderful. Instead I have to take my wings and put them away. I have to grow up really big and really fast. This little, tiny, fragile part that I am has to be and become something that I am not sure that I can be. I have to endure the worst of my life so that I can enjoy the rest of it. All the times that I flew away to my fairy tale land I was escaping all the pain and agony. Now I have to feel it and go through it all the way to the dept of my core. No more fairy dust, no more make believe, no more just wishing that it would all go away, and no more sanity. Sinking deep within the pits of hell to see the darkness and the doom. You see that the ones you want to love you so very much don't. They don't care that you are hungry, they don't care that you are cold, they don't care that you are lonely, and they don't care that you are hurting. They push you away, they treat you like you are bad, they make you all dirty, and they touch the deepest parts within your soul. Years and years go by with all of this adding upon one another and connecting to each and every part of your brain. It makes it very difficult for you to live because it is destroying your being. Now this next journey, this next phase of my life. I will be packing away my fairy dust and my butterfly wings. I will be going into the darkest of cold to try to come out through the brightest of warmth. It will be a journey that will be very lonely and terrifying. Am I ready? Can I withstand the rocking of this ship? My ship is already sinking. Will my ship be able to be repaired? Don't tell anyone this secret, don't tell anything this pain.........Shhhhhhhhh whisper just a little bit and maybe someone safe can hear. They hurt me just once more time again. They are trying to destroy me and tearing me down. I get more and more paranoid from all that has happened. It isn't anything different than what they did before, but it seems like the more and more that it happens, it feels like it is worse than before. Oh how I wished for the fairy tale land so that I can feel safe and sane just for one more time. That cannot happen because the fairy dust and my butterfly wings have been retired and cannot be brought back out. I must take this path and go down it alone. Hoping and praying that as each step that I take that I have a hand to hold on to and when I feel that I can no longer go on, there is a brush of someone holding me up until I can catch my wind again. Goodbye my fairy dust and goodbye my butterfly wings. I will miss you and long for you, but it is time that we must part.

[bipolar_bear]

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((woundedhearts)))))))))))))))))))))))))))) You are doing a very brave thing. Know we are out here should you need a kind hand from outside. Please take care on your journey.

BB

[1oxbowgirl]

Lots of hugs to let you know I care about you. I can not say that I completely understand, but I know the feelings of hurt and being betrayed. Of being scared and mixed up and sad and lonely. I glad you found this site and I hope you will keep coming and sharing, so that someway all of us here will make you feel comfortable. Please keep coming I look forward to reading your posts and chatting with you.

[Evangelista]

(((((((((((((Woundedhearts)))))))))))))))))



Eva..