[L.P.]

This morning I had two images show up in my mind; a little girl alone in a room (my old bedroom), and a teenage-ish boy sitting alone on a concrete slab over a river (a place I would visit as a teen). There is a strong feeling of isolation as well as a feel of not actively living in or engaging life... something like existing in a bubble in the middle of the world, but somehow not living at all.

My knee jerk reaction was to offer comfort and support to this boy and girl, in way that treats them as individuals apart from me in my system. Then some things occurred to me; it is not a girl and a boy inside who are feeling these things, it is me who is feeling these things, and my knee jerk reaction was due to me trying to find a way to comfort myself because I do better comforting others than I do comforting myself. It was a weird 'woah' moment followed by a 'well no s***, of course you do' moment. Then I metaphorically kicked myself a minute or two for trying to pin my emotions on two others in my system. I am sorry for that. Then I forgave myself because I cannot choose how my brain initially processes things. I can, however, choose how to own this once I understood what was going on... and I do.

On the one hand, I know that comforting injured, hurt, lonely individuals in my system, is also comforting myself. I know that comforting myself also comforts them. I know that we are all one in the same. Logically I know it. I do not sprout other me's when I go from one to the next. It's all me. So why is it so hard for me to employ this logic and be able to give myself the comfort I would have been able to give if it was a girl or a boy in my system and not me. Me thinks it is time for me to spend time learning self care on a more personal note... and in a way that seems a bit deeper than my normal versions of self care (not to take away from what I have learned to implement, just this feels bigger is all).

Oddly enough, the urge I felt was to take each of them by the hand and lead them out of and away from those frozen isolation moments in time and bring them to the here and now, in the middle of life living it, not floating in nothing apart from it. I think on self care techniques I have learned and tried over the years and they all seem cocooned... I don't know a better way to phrase it... it seems so opposite from actively living in and engaging the present and that feels important and big right now. But then to just get up and do also seems somehow counterproductive, as though I should do some version of sitting with this and simply allowing it to be. I've tried to balance these two things today. I'm not sure if I am doing a good job or not, but at least I have been mostly me today so I can do this. I appreciate the room given to me by my others. I think I need to do this whatever this is.

So there were a lot of words for me to get around to asking if anyone relates... do you find it much easier to comfort those inside than you do yourself? Has anyone gotten to a place where you are able to self comfort in the way you might be able to give comfort to others?

-mostly A with mix of V (AV?)

the littles have the bouncy kangaroo ride, so it's a lot easier to comfort them

just put them on the kangaroo and they are happy.

me, on the other hand, ....

yeah. comforting myself is hard. I find that nothing's really much a comfort. though I have the things I enjoy, nothing ever gives me that comforting feeling.

I think I know why it is...

like i've said before, all my other alters are easily explained- their likes, their dislikes, their personality,

me... it's like trying to explain the rules of another language.

really hard

[Solnutty]

Yes, I also feel it's far easier to comfort my others than myself. I find I'm not even sure what comforting myself looks like. I haven't really tried. Some of them comfort me, and I'm glad for it.

[TrailRunner14]

What you described about taking the girl and boy by the hand, it totally resonates with me.

I've experienced places that the younger parts, who were frozen in those bad places, took my hand and we were together. The past and present were one.

It opened the door for more openness and healing for them and me.

[Amyjay]

Sometimes I can comfort self. Today I cannot.

[L.P.]

Than you all.

I have this thought in my mind I'd lie to get out before it vanishes off on me; are self comfort and self care the same things? I believe in some instances they can be, but I do not believe they always are and I think I have had these two mixed up in such a way I have not been able to tell them apart. For myself anyhow. It usually plays out in a 'get through this moment' way for me. Which is of the utmost importance during that type of situation. I don't know if I am saying this right.

Example, housework. I understand on some level maintaining my house to a certain degree is basic self care. But I also know I cannot function in a dirty house and it bring up childhood issues when I do (angry self hate voice gets to yelling) and that makes cleaning harder which makes the issues worse. It is a nasty cycle. So in that way it also seems like self comfort to me since I function better as a whole if my house is not exactly tidy (too clean also twitches me) but not dirty. That's the general idea anyway.

But I wonder now if I am using self care as a self comfort replacement. When I think on what I could do for me, it comes back to 'insert this action' or 'take charge of that situation'. It sort of feels like putting a band aide on a wound that needs stitches. On the other hand, I do not want to take away from self care because it is very important to me as a foundation and I cannot seem to do much of anything else unless I practice self care on multiple levels. I feel I am talking in circles. Short of it, I believe I need to adapt, to find self comfort things that work on an emotional level, not necessarily a practical/mundane one. Or perhaps I simply overthink this.

[L.P.]

Originally Posted by shattered sanity

I think I know why it is...

like i've said before, all my other alters are easily explained- their likes, their dislikes, their personality,

me... it's like trying to explain the rules of another language.

really hard

A few years ago we had a little boy who could go from tears, slowly to smiles if you gave him 'digger trucks' (pronounced digger frucks, of course) to play with and began to do a dramatic story telling of that jingle bells batman smells song. It's nice when it is easy, isn't it?

I also understand being able to do things that I can enjoy but not getting comfort from those things. I find it interesting you mention being able to explain others but not yourself. I find this also to be true for myself. It makes sense, I see how and why it would all be mixed up together.

AV

[L.P.]

Originally Posted by Solnutty

Yes, I also feel it's far easier to comfort my others than myself. I find I'm not even sure what comforting myself looks like. I haven't really tried. Some of them comfort me, and I'm glad for it.

I find that rather beautiful, that you have some who comfort you. I'm not sure if this is something you are comfortable answering or not, I completely understand if not and apologize if I am getting too personal here, but I am curious if the things they do bring you comfort or if it is simply them reaching out to do so that beings the comfort. Maybe a mix of both?

AV

[L.P.]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

What you described about taking the girl and boy by the hand, it totally resonates with me.

I've experienced places that the younger parts, who were frozen in those bad places, took my hand and we were together. The past and present were one.

It opened the door for more openness and healing for them and me.

I'm glad to hear this. Progress is weird and often confusing to me at first. I can read your words here and think to myself how this to is beautiful and it puts a smile on my head, yet when I think I should apply those thoughts to myself, since I do know this is progress for me, it is difficult. Wanted to say to, good on you. I know things lie that are not easy and you did it. Awesomeness.

AV

[L.P.]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Sometimes I can comfort self. Today I cannot.

Sorry to hear that was a day you could not. Not sure if this is how it goes for you, but unfortunately for myself I find that the days where I most need comfort are the ones I am least equipped to even try to do anything. It is messed up to me, to say the least.

I hope this day is a better one for you.

AV

[Amyjay]

Thanks L.P. That feels like a lifetime ago now!

[possum220]

Sometimes in order to comfort myself I pick up and hug my big polar bear Sebastian. He's safe and warm and just there.