[RubyRae]

Something that I have never understood is when a mental health professional says that if someone has memory problems and don't remember all or part of childhood abuse it's considered dissociative amnesia yet if they don't have memory problems and do remember their abuse,they're told memories are not accurate and the mind will fill in the blanks.

Can someone explain this contradiction to me?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Something that I have never understood is when a mental health professional says that if someone has memory problems and don't remember all or part of childhood abuse it's considered dissociative amnesia yet if they don't have memory problems and do remember their abuse,they're told memories are not accurate and the mind will fill in the blanks.

Can someone explain this contradiction to me?

sorry only your own mental health people can say what they mean when this happens for you.

for me .....dissociative amnesia has more things to it then just not remembering things.

for me.....memories are not just the facts of what happened.

to find out why this happens in you, you need to call your own doctors.

[Solnutty]

That has to do with the professional’s willingness to believe what their client is telling them. My therapist believes the memories that I’ve recounted to her. She also had the insight to identify elements of one memory that were “filled in.” She’s worked with trauma cases for a long time and is informed by her experience. Some of the difference has to the theoretical background of the therapist and longstanding bias in some psychology circles around “repressed” memories. If a therapist uses the term repression, it is likely that they believe extreme abuse memories are contrived.

[Solnutty]

There are two opposing theories at play in your example.
Also, the kind of childhood experiences that are at the root of most DID, in particular —well, it takes a strong stomach to believe them.

[RubyRae]

Thanks for responding Solnutty.

I don't have DID,just PTSD.I don't think it was that my therapist didn't believe me ,that's not at all how I perceived what he said.

My confusion is because sometimes when talking about abuse I would remember lots of graphic details but couldn't remember the age I was or where it took place and when I would try really hard to remember those details he told me to not try to force them because my mind would try to fill in the blanks.And he said memories are not 100% accurate anyway.Yet other times I could remember my age,where it took place but couldn't remember the actual abuse even though I knew it had happened and he called that dissociative amnesia.

He has many years experience working with trauma btw.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

sorry only your own mental health people can say what they mean when this happens for you.

for me .....dissociative amnesia has more things to it then just not remembering things.

for me.....memories are not just the facts of what happened.

to find out why this happens in you, you need to call your own doctors.

Thanks for responding.

I didn't quite understand your post,but thanks anyway.

[Amyjay]

I don't think the two things are mutually exclusive. My understanding from what my hterapists have said is that memories are not necessarily exactly accurate, whether they are always remembered of dissociated and later remembered. It doesn't matter which. Memory is always a mixture of actual truth, distortion and misinterpretation. Some parts of them might be exactly true, other parts might be representative experiences from other incidents of abuse, some aspects might be bits we have "filled in" but didn't actually occur as we perceive them. My ex T said its like the general gist of recovered memories or dissociated memories (or even always remembered memories) are real, but memory is infallible and memories can be altered or embellished over time so we shouldn't automatically assume they are the complete and accurate truth of what happened. most likely recovered memories of previously dissociated events are a blend of truth and not-truth. Not meaning they are lies in any way at all, just that our minds will take the parts of the event/s it has perceived and try to make meaning out of it by inserting other knowledge/context/information etc.
it really is unknown how much of a recovered memory are true and how much is just our mind trying to understand it. My ex t said she went by the general rule of "some of the recovered memory IS true and some of the recovered memory is not" but also insisted that knowing which is which doesn't matter in healing, you just work with what comes up because all of that has meaning for the client. But the same is true for always remembered memories. no two people will remember the exact incident the same way.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I don't think the two things are mutually exclusive. My understanding from what my hterapists have said is that dissociated memories that are later recovered are not necessarily exactly accurate. Some parts of them might be exactly true, other parts might be representative experiences from other incidents of abuse, some aspects might be bits we have "filled in" but didn't actually occur as we perceive them. My ex T said its like the general gist of recovered memories or dissociated memories are real, but memory is infallible and memories can be altered or embellished over time so we shouldn't automatically assume they are the complete and accurate truth of what happened. most likely recovered memories of previously dissociated events are a blend of truth and not-truth. Not meaning they are lies in any way at all, just that our minds will take the parts of the event/s it has perceived and try to make meaning out of it by inserting other knowledge/context/information etc.
it really is unknown how much of a recovered memory are true and how much is just our mind trying to understand it. My ex t said she went by the general rule of "some of the recovered memory IS true and some of the recovered memory is not" but also insisted that knowing which is which doesn't matter in healing, you just work with what comes up because all of that has meaning for the client.

Thank you.

That was helpful for me and I don't feel so confused by it anymore.

I'm not sure why I got so consumed with thinking about it anyway(overthinking actually).

My T had said basically the same thing,about working with what comes up.The whole conversation started because he had said those 2 different things and I was worried about telling him things that maybe weren't true and doubted some of my memories,they diidn't feel or seem real to me.

[RubyRae]

I guess I could have posted in the PTSD forum instead of here.I posted here though since I was asking about dissociative amnesia.

Thanks for the replies everyone.

[Amyjay]

When I told ex T that some of my memories felt like lies she always said it didn't matter. Whatever is there or whatever comes up is there for a reason whether it is the actual truth or partially not true or even wholly not true. She said there is no way at all to know what it actual truth or not truth, all we can do is work with what comes up and process it in whatever ways we can to bring healing.
Feelings and inner conflicts about important relationships are the real fodder regardless of what memories or historical truths they are attached to. It is the unprocessed feelings and conflicts around trauma that continue to harm us in current life and that is what needs healing. Our minds might try to make meaning of our experiences by coming up with a cohesive narrative out of memory fragments from here and there and the historical accuracy for the nitty gritty details of that is not what is important it is the unprocessed emotional trauma that we need to heal.
What I took away from her was that "something happened", and it hurt. We will never know the actual truth of what happened but we know the reality of the hurt. So don't get hung up on the accuracy of the memories, just know that your mind is giving you these "memories" as a representation of your experience so you can begin to process and heal from it.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

When I told ex T that some of my memories felt like lies she always said it didn't matter. Whatever is there or whatever comes up is there for a reason whether it is the actual truth or partially not true or even wholly not true. She said there is no way at all to know what it actual truth or not truth, all we can do is work with what comes up and process it in whatever ways we can to bring healing.
Feelings and inner conflicts about important relationships are the real fodder regardless of what memories or historical truths they are attached to. It is the unprocessed feelings and conflicts around trauma that continue to harm us in current life and that is what needs healing. Our minds might try to make meaning of our experiences by coming up with a cohesive narrative out of memory fragments from here and there and the historical accuracy for the nitty gritty details of that is not what is important it is the unprocessed emotional trauma that we need to heal.
What I took away from her was that "something happened", and it hurt. We will never know the actual truth of what happened but we know the reality of the hurt. So don't get hung up on the accuracy of the memories, just know that your mind is giving you these "memories" as a representation of your experience so you can begin to process and heal from it.

My counselor has helped me understand memories in much the same way as your xT.

It makes sense to me and it reassures me that I'm not "losing it" from some of the things that have come up.

I work with children and they will tell me about a trip they took or some other event and I kind of think memories are like their stories. I listen to their stories and try to make a story line of what they are telling me. Their memories are bits and pieces of the event but most times it's not making complete sense to me. They are and experience it from their young minds differently than an adult would.

Somehow, that helps me make sense of my bits and pieces, from a young mind coming back to my adult self. It may not make sense, but that's how it was stored in my mind at that age.

Thank how I understand it.

[Amyjay]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

I work with children and they will tell me about a trip they took or some other event and I kind of think memories are like their stories. I listen to their stories and try to make a story line of what they are telling me. Their memories are bits and pieces of the event but most times it's not making complete sense to me. They are and experience it from their young minds differently than an adult would.

Good point about children processing and remembering things differently. Their understanding of the world is immature and it makes sense that young childrens memories at distorted according to their understanding of the time.

[TrailRunner14]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

Good point about children processing and remembering things differently. Their understanding of the world is immature and it makes sense that young childrens memories at distorted according to their understanding of the time.

Yes. I agree.

That is where I find a comfort in what comes to me and I try to make sense of.

I try to remind myself that the memories come from a little one, seeing it from her perspective.

Me as an adult, seeing it as she sees it doesn't make complete sense to me sometimes.

One thing I know though. I cannot misinterpret the body response and reaction to the memories.

That is truth.

Thank you for this thread. While I haven't been diagnosed with dissociative amnesia, I remember little of my upbringing and have long wondered if I've dissociative amnesia and had those questions on the accuracy of memory with my therapist as well.

[TrailRunner14]

It would feel so awesome to have a parent or another adult that was there, in that time that you trust, to sort the truth out to and for you.

That would be an amazing gift to set me on a solid ground.

No words.

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

It would feel so awesome to have a parent or another adult that was there, in that time that you trust, to sort the truth out to and for you.

That would be an amazing gift to set me on a solid ground.

No words.

They may not remember some things accurately either. My sister is 7 years older and she's not healthy for me. She has corroborated some patterns of parental behavior, the abuser brother, and some of the severity of the beatings.

However she defends the parents as well as rages about them to me in private, while acting sweet and filial and loving to them. And she always defends the brother who abused me.

[dlantern]

Basically, if it said in a nice tone just begin to share and research, it will begin to clear itself out with the systems. Hurt is hurt though it you can't take it then you have to move on to a new therapist.

[amandalouise]

Rubyrae sorry you didnt understand what I was trying to say, I am using two translators now which drastically changes how my posts used to be to how they look now. to understand my new posting style maybe try thinking more simply like taking to a child (the second translator I am using only uses words for ages preschool through 4-6 grade) ....

here is my original posting at a high school level translator.... with some links added at the end.

my dissociative amnesia and my memory problems are two different things....
with my dissociative amnesia my dissociative symptoms come into the problem, its not just not remembering things. example when I am with my treatment providers talking about a trauma I will start feeling my dissociative symptoms... (numb, spaced out, disconnected...) I would be able to tell about the non traumatic parts of the trauma, before integration if my treatment provider and I tried to persist beyond this point an alter would take control and tell the treatment provider about the trauma that I could not remember. after integration I knew some of my trauma's but like normal people I did not remember every little detail. like normal people sometimes I didnt know my age, or what the abuser looked like when they said this or that. after integration like normal people I could tell about the trauma's like reading a book aloud or retelling a movie I saw with little emotions added to it. but there was always and will always be gaps in my memories which is normal for me.

my normal memories were not always reliable/ accurate because they represented emotions.. example I never went on a cruise but one time I had what they call a false memory of going on a cruise. what I discovered is that my mind conjured up that memory from my emotions and what I did know... when I was little I saw this show called love boat. there was an episode with a little girl on it. I wanted to go on that boat so bad and was having so much fun enjoying all the things she was doing on that boat. the next time I went on the ferry boat across the lake my memory changed it to being a cruise ship..... I had been on row boats, ferry boats so my brain had the knowledge of what it would be like to be in a boat on water. in my mind a false memory was created of where I had actually taken a cruise when I did not. the emotion was real.....happiness, fun, enjoyment, but the facts of the memory were not accurate.

I have found not only with my memories but with my wifes, and my childrens memories are not always accurate. sometimes the brain changes what was to emotions, wants and mish mashes more than one memory together to create one very believable but yet false memory.

here is a link that might help you...

https://www.verywell.com/how-do-fals...s-form-2795349
https://www.psychologistworld.com/me...ness-testimony

[RubyRae]

Thanks amandalouise.That post was much better and easy to understand.And thanks for the link.

I thought I might point out,because I'm assuming you may not realize this,but I think you would be better off sticking with the high school level translator.This is a forum of adults and using a translator that only uses words for ages preschool through 4--6th grades isn't really appropriate or necessary and may cause miscommunication and misunderstandings for members that read your posts.You also may not realize that telling members you use that translator might be taken in an offensive way or they may feel you are insulting their intelligence.

Thanks for explaining both your post and your translators.

*I was not offended or insulted though*

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by TrailRunner14

It would feel so awesome to have a parent or another adult that was there, in that time that you trust, to sort the truth out to and for you.

I have quite a few siblings and each of them have their own memories about the past.Even some events we all went through at the same time are different for each of us.The main theme,the main event is the same but everythihg else is different.

Possible trigger:

An example would be a time that a knive was involved during a fight.We all remember the knife,what my dad did to someone with it and the outcome,but everything before and during is different for each of us.

If my mom would have ever talked about it I'm sure her version would have been different too.

I think the only true accuracy of memories would be if they were recorded and a person could watch videos of them.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Thanks amandalouise.That post was much better and easy to understand.And thanks for the link.

I thought I might point out,because I'm assuming you may not realize this,but I think you would be better off sticking with the high school level translator.This is a forum of adults and using a translator that only uses words for ages preschool through 4--6th grades isn't really appropriate or necessary and may cause miscommunication and misunderstandings for members that read your posts.You also may not realize that telling members you use that translator might be taken in an offensive way or they may feel you are insulting their intelligence.

Thanks for explaining both your post and your translators.

*I was not offended or insulted though*

thanks RubyRay. yes I do know and realize this. the reason why I am now using two translators one being the younger pre-school through 4th-6th grade translator is because the high school translator alone can be too politically, mentally, medically correct and too formal, it can be triggering for some, as evidenced by the thread https://forums.psychcentral.com/diss...-going-me.html

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by RubyRae

Something that I have never understood is when a mental health professional says that if someone has memory problems and don't remember all or part of childhood abuse it's considered dissociative amnesia yet if they don't have memory problems and do remember their abuse,they're told memories are not accurate and the mind will fill in the blanks.

Can someone explain this contradiction to me?

It is my experience with psychologists and psychiatrists that they like to think of themselves as higher intellects. They like to reflect philosophies and abstract ideas. Somehow during the eight years that they get their PHDs, they lose all common sense. They either are not taught or they forget that it is their job to improve the quality of life of their patients as fast as possible. Just like it is the job of medical doctors to improve the quality of life of their patients as fast as possible. "Cure the patient fast and kick um out the door!"

The mental health professionals that I went to and paid, totally disrespected me. They knew that I had engineering degrees but they treated me like I was a total idiot and should not have an opinion on their competence or my treatment.

[RubyRae]

Originally Posted by amandalouise

thanks RubyRay. yes I do know and realize this. the reason why I am now using two translators one being the younger pre-school through 4th-6th grade translator is because the high school translator alone can be too politically, mentally, medically correct and too formal, it can be triggering for some, as evidenced by the thread https://forums.psychcentral.com/diss...-going-me.html

Thanks for explaining.

Hopefully members will keep in mind that you are using translators when reading your posts.I know I will from now on.