Extreme Mood Shifts

Over and over I seem to come across professionals who want to diagnose me with bipolar disorder. I don't have bipolar disorder and I know that for certain. Yes, I've had severe mood swings, but I think I've figured out what that is. I can feel my emotions shift drastically (my mood along with it) whenever one of the others in my head is very present. They're not taking over, necessarily, but they're sort of co-piloting, if that makes sense. Anyway, I'll become extremely irritable, aggressive and I have this uncontrollable hatred for people who -- normally -- I could rarely even become upset with. This particular set of feelings and this mood shift happens when Kay is very present. Well, it caused me a lot of problems and could've even costed me a close friendship. It's like out of nowhere, when my friend was texting me to ask what was wrong throughout the day (because I wouldn't even talk to him), I just started cussing at him and told him to "Just leave me the **** alone". I couldn't believe I was telling him this stuff and I really didn't want to, but sure enough my hands typed it out and sent the messages. And the entire day Kay had been talking to me the whole time and telling me to shut up every time I tried to speak. She even did it while I was at my pdoc appointment and then later with my T. I also snapped at my T which is something I've very seldom done. It's like I just couldn't control myself at all. Everything Kay told me to do, I listened and I did it.

This isn't the only time having one of the others very present completely alters my mood and emotions. It's just usually James who's with me and he keeps me calm and collected around people. He also generally likes all of my friends. Over the past few days (since I've been back at my dad's) Kay has been way more present. She's also a lot stronger than I ever remember her being before. She's seldom left me alone for over a week and I don't know why. I've been listening to her more and talking to her about things, trying to include her and help her with all of her rage. I don't know, maybe I'm messing up somehow, or maybe I should quit talking to her for a little while. I don't think she'll like that much and might make things worse. James also hasn't been doing so well since our recent move. Living where we are right now, it's really triggering for everyone. Even George is more present, and he's just a poor kid with really, really bad anxiety. It doesn't help that there's so much arguing here, especially in comparison with where I had been staying (literally three arguments in a total of six months). All of the arguing happening around us seems to be causing everyone inside to be fighting.

Anyway, back on topic, professionals believe I have bipolar because of my severe mood shifts. But they're not my moods. I want to tell them, "You have several people in your head and see how 'stable' your mood is." They've tried mood stabilizers on me in the past to no avail. They've tried antidepressants on me, too, which only send me into delusional thought patterns. They've tried anti-psychotics, which has helped with my usual irritability and hallucinations, but the others hate the meds so much (they make everyone, including me, so tired and not feel right). So, meds don't seem to be a viable option for me but I can't keep "managing" what's going on in my head. PTSD symptoms have become hard to deal with, again. As far as I can tell, I haven't lost any time since I've been here, though. I don't think any of the others feel comfortable in this house and so they don't want to take over unless they have to. In other words, all of the progress we made with giving each other turns for who's in charge has just flown out the window. Now it's only really forced switching which none of us like.

Anyway, sorry for the long post, just needed to vent.

I'm just so tired of people trying to diagnose me with a mood disorder when it's not. They just don't seem to understand.

I can tell a lot of our moods are influenced by alters, especially the emotionally moody ones...but I can also tell that there is a cycle of automatic mood changes.

Take an antidepressant...if you are bipolar....you will know....it may rocket you into mania if you are.

I've never gone into mania, not even with an SNRI.

I did talk to my pdoc about it and he said he doesn't believe I have bipolar disorder, either.

Borderliners have their own mood swings...usually triggered ones...I feel borderlinish at times due to the love/hate swings.

I've been told by every mental health professional but one that I don't have BPD. My pdoc says it probably has more to do with PTSD than anything else. Which makes sense because I'm usually very triggered when I get aggressive (if it's just me in charge, if Kay is there then there doesn't have to be a trigger).