[Unsure101]

Hi,

I am in college and am currently taking a class on anthropology of public health, and it's made me start to question whether I have PTSD. I was severely emotionally bullied from ages 9-18, and now that I'm 20 and have been able to distance myself from the people who were hurting me, I am realizing the major impact the experience had on my life. For example, I am still having regular nightmares about the events - I probably dream about it at least once every week. I also leave almost every social situation feeling like crap, focusing on little things that I feel I should have done differently in order to not seem like a freak. This could be as small as feeling like I left too big of a pause in between conversations, or that my hair was out of place. Not only will these haunt me for weeks, but random things even years later can remind me of what I did "wrong".

But my purpose here is to talk about dissociation. I can't seem to find anything online describing it any better than just an "out-of-body experience", and I was wondering if something I occasionally feel could be classified as such. Every once in a while, I'll have a period of several hours where I almost feel drugged - I might go an entire day feeling sort of trapped in my mind. I can't escape my thoughts and everything going on around me feels like a movie, and if people try to hold any conversation with me that's more than small talk, I get extremely anxious and snap at them until they leave me alone. However, I can sometimes "snap out" of the feeling by forcing myself to be around friends (which is hit-or-miss because it can also make me feel considerably worse) or by watching fun YouTube videos. I think YouTube helps because if I watch unscripted videos, it kind of feels like an intermediary between the "screen world" I'm feeling around me (where it feels as if everyone is an actor) and the "real world" that I'm normally a part of (where, like the videos, social interactions occur without planning). Could these be minor dissociations?

I know that PTSD can't be diagnosed without a psychiatrist. I'm just here to be able to anonymously receive some opinions on my suspicions before talking to someone in person.

Thank you so much for reading this long post!

Taylor

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by Unsure101

Hi,

I am in college and am currently taking a class on anthropology of public health, and it's made me start to question whether I have PTSD. I was severely emotionally bullied from ages 9-18, and now that I'm 20 and have been able to distance myself from the people who were hurting me, I am realizing the major impact the experience had on my life. For example, I am still having regular nightmares about the events - I probably dream about it at least once every week. I also leave almost every social situation feeling like crap, focusing on little things that I feel I should have done differently in order to not seem like a freak. This could be as small as feeling like I left too big of a pause in between conversations, or that my hair was out of place. Not only will these haunt me for weeks, but random things even years later can remind me of what I did "wrong".

But my purpose here is to talk about dissociation. I can't seem to find anything online describing it any better than just an "out-of-body experience", and I was wondering if something I occasionally feel could be classified as such. Every once in a while, I'll have a period of several hours where I almost feel drugged - I might go an entire day feeling sort of trapped in my mind. I can't escape my thoughts and everything going on around me feels like a movie, and if people try to hold any conversation with me that's more than small talk, I get extremely anxious and snap at them until they leave me alone. However, I can sometimes "snap out" of the feeling by forcing myself to be around friends (which is hit-or-miss because it can also make me feel considerably worse) or by watching fun YouTube videos. I think YouTube helps because if I watch unscripted videos, it kind of feels like an intermediary between the "screen world" I'm feeling around me (where it feels as if everyone is an actor) and the "real world" that I'm normally a part of (where, like the videos, social interactions occur without planning). Could these be minor dissociations?

I know that PTSD can't be diagnosed without a psychiatrist. I'm just here to be able to anonymously receive some opinions on my suspicions before talking to someone in person.

Thank you so much for reading this long post!

Taylor

Im sorry you are having problems finding information online. the reason is because in 2013 mental health system went through total and drastic changes. Changes like definitions, diagnostics, symptoms, other accompanying symptoms and even information that cant be released to the general public has changed and become more strict.

OBE (out of body experience) is no longer considered dissociation. neither is daydreaming, or medication induced fogginess. theres lots of stuff you will find on the internet that is now no longer called dissociation. This is because once something is on the internet its there forever floating around in cyberspace.

In ...........General............. Dissociation is now defined as a normal response to a trigger. you know how if someone says something you dont like (this is called being triggered) you feel angry (this is the automatic response)

Dissociation is like that..... something happens to cause a person to feel numb, spaced out and mentally disconnected. its all about feelings.

whether its normal dissociation or to the extreme of a dissociative disorder depends upon things like severity, what cultural background that person is, and lots of other things. many of my posts say the phrase "theres more to being a mental disorder now then what you find in books, movies and on the internet Things you would not realize unless you go through a treatment provider.

example you mentioned OBE... in my diagnostic process my own treatment provider had to not consider the fact that I would mentally leave my body to become or mentally sink into the furniture around me. Why because my cultural background is native american. Native american culture includes normal practices of vision quests which can cause one to have OBE experiences.Some religions do this too in the form of praying or taking a walk with their higher powers. the new diagnostics state the persons problems can not be because of religious and cultural practices so this is no longer considered when diagnosing a person. doesnt mean they dont do it, just that during the diagnostic process that is not considered. my point thats why

you stated you cant escape your thoughts. that tells me that you probably are not dissociating. not making a diagnosis just making an observation based on my own situation. when ever I cant get away from my own thoughts my treatment provider calls this "intrusive thoughts" associated with my PTSD or bipolar mania. if I was not thinking, not focused on my thoughts my treatment provider calls this numbing out, spacing out, .. in other words dissociation is all about not feeling anything. not thinking, just physically there but not mentally connected to whats going on in my body and those around me.

a word on youtube videos.... you only get to see what the person filming wants you to see and believe. you dont see things like how many takes it took to get that final film, you dont know what they edit in or out, and many of them are just made up for the money. its called Vlogging. They get paid for how many views and content. I have seen many dissociation videos on Youtube and elsewhere to end up getting what is called "debunked" by the news and talk shows and shows like how'ed they do that, smash or trash and others. most times these people are not what they say they are in their videos, they admit on these shows they did it just for the money.

if you really want to know if you are DID, dont compare yourself to what you find online and in movies and books, contact a mental health treatment provider and go through the diagnostic testing process. its very long and involved but then you will know whether you are dissociating or not.

[dlantern]

I'd just practice what you feel identity comes from basically if you need those things done then do them. I'd not want awkward pauses or my hair not combed either. It sounds like it might be some form of depression from what you put here. Ask the treatment provider to help you with goals during the day then determine if that will help.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by Unsure101

Hi,

I am in college and am currently taking a class on anthropology of public health, and it's made me start to question whether I have PTSD. I was severely emotionally bullied from ages 9-18, and now that I'm 20 and have been able to distance myself from the people who were hurting me, I am realizing the major impact the experience had on my life. For example, I am still having regular nightmares about the events - I probably dream about it at least once every week. I also leave almost every social situation feeling like crap, focusing on little things that I feel I should have done differently in order to not seem like a freak. This could be as small as feeling like I left too big of a pause in between conversations, or that my hair was out of place. Not only will these haunt me for weeks, but random things even years later can remind me of what I did "wrong".

But my purpose here is to talk about dissociation. I can't seem to find anything online describing it any better than just an "out-of-body experience", and I was wondering if something I occasionally feel could be classified as such. Every once in a while, I'll have a period of several hours where I almost feel drugged - I might go an entire day feeling sort of trapped in my mind. I can't escape my thoughts and everything going on around me feels like a movie, and if people try to hold any conversation with me that's more than small talk, I get extremely anxious and snap at them until they leave me alone. However, I can sometimes "snap out" of the feeling by forcing myself to be around friends (which is hit-or-miss because it can also make me feel considerably worse) or by watching fun YouTube videos. I think YouTube helps because if I watch unscripted videos, it kind of feels like an intermediary between the "screen world" I'm feeling around me (where it feels as if everyone is an actor) and the "real world" that I'm normally a part of (where, like the videos, social interactions occur without planning). Could these be minor dissociations?

I know that PTSD can't be diagnosed without a psychiatrist. I'm just here to be able to anonymously receive some opinions on my suspicions before talking to someone in person.

Thank you so much for reading this long post!

Taylor

I was bullied also. It destroys a person's self esteem and confidence. Especially if you are being bullied by family members and you parents make you feel that you are the problem. I was never in fear for my life so I would say that my PTSD would have been a different type than severe PTSD.

Bullying is abuse. We need to drill this into childrens' brains. No one has the right to bully another person.

[Amyjay]

Hi there, I am so sorry you experienced such a long period of abuse. That's awful. Yes it does sound to me like you could possibly be experiencing some form of dissociation, like derealization, and also some PTSD symptoms like intrusive experiences and avoidance. I think it might be helpful for you to seek advice from a professional.
Take care.