[abusedtoy]

Before I was hospitalised this year, I was a normal person living a normal life, when I was still under the effect of amnesia, forgetting the traumatic memories that I had in the past. I was full of hope and joy, but now I am suicidal and depressed 24/7. I was able to make it through towards graduation because of the amnesia and right now, after switching, I am a completely different person, remembering all the trauma and having flashbacks and trauma-related nightmares often. My T has praised that this part of me has done a "good job" in keeping us safe. But now, we are suffocating and told our T that we are in pain, in so much pain that the pain can only be described architecturally. It can no longer be described in words of the void and hurt that was done to us.

[Michael W. Harris]

Originally Posted by abusedtoy

Before I was hospitalised this year, I was a normal person living a normal life, when I was still under the effect of amnesia, forgetting the traumatic memories that I had in the past. I was full of hope and joy, but now I am suicidal and depressed 24/7. I was able to make it through towards graduation because of the amnesia and right now, after switching, I am a completely different person, remembering all the trauma and having flashbacks and trauma-related nightmares often. My T has praised that this part of me has done a "good job" in keeping us safe. But now, we are suffocating and told our T that we are in pain, in so much pain that the pain can only be described architecturally. It can no longer be described in words of the void and hurt that was done to us.

Hang in there. Everyone on this board understands.

[Amyjay]

I get it, it is really hard to feel the pain that has been dissociated for so long. Two of my parts hate therapy and want to go back to "how it was before". For them "before" looked like getting on with normal daily life and being completely unaware of the abuse and the pain. So I can understand why they want what they had before.
But for other parts "before" was being abused and left to cope with it alone. "Before" was not safe. "Before" is being stuck in pain with no way out of it and that is the only thing you know. They are stuck in their knowing and can never escape it or have anything good.
It is so hard and all the hurting that has already happened has to be realized and felt. That is really the only way things can ever be right again I think. But I also think and hope that after the pain has been worked through things will be even better than before. I hope for that.

[abusedtoy]

Originally Posted by Amyjay

I get it, it is really hard to feel the pain that has been dissociated for so long. Two of my parts hate therapy and want to go back to "how it was before". For them "before" looked like getting on with normal daily life and being completely unaware of the abuse and the pain. So I can understand why they want what they had before.
But for other parts "before" was being abused and left to cope with it alone. "Before" was not safe. "Before" is being stuck in pain with no way out of it and that is the only thing you know. They are stuck in their knowing and can never escape it or have anything good.
It is so hard and all the hurting that has already happened has to be realized and felt. That is really the only way things can ever be right again I think. But I also think and hope that after the pain has been worked through things will be even better than before. I hope for that.

I also have a part that hates therapy, he finds that healing is extremely excruciating and like dying. He said he wanted to run for his life. He becomes aggressive and angry when others are trying to deliver him. He, Sebastian just wants to stay in that little comfort zone of pain and trauma. So, we can relate to you, Amy! I am glad you can relate to us about the complete amnesia of trauma.

Do you mean "Before" is a name of your other part? I also have a part that does not have a proper name, his name is called "piece of s--t".

[dlantern]

Start a plan, on how you are going to advocate those small victories for those ailing in indescribable pain. If it is dating if a guy/girl gets out of his boundaries for instance find a way to say no and tell them about themselves in a nice way. I'd go count and pick up the small victories depending how ever thing happened to build your spirit back up. I am too recovering from having a broken spirit so much so that folks unusually just invalidate before they understand. Alot of times it is out of jealousy not educated on the topic but if you show them too themselves they can understand it . I think if you get ept at describing what happens in the mind and body it all can be put into perspective and you will be in awe of yourself first and foremost, so that it feel more like yourselves later on.

[Fuzzybear]

[SprinkL3]

We're still struggling with all of the above. But we do understand the desire to go back to when we were amnesiac and not having to deal at all with trauma memories, even though we essentially dealt with trauma triggers our entire lives.

Also, ask your T to take it a notch slower, and to maybe give breaks in between processing certain memories. Our T knows to take it slow with us, so that we're not overwhelmed with too much emotional flooding from multiple alters at once.