[FearLess47]

Not sure where to post this. And yes, this is a serious inquiry! I am wondering if anyone can explain what "attachment" and "healthy attachment" means.

Some examples of ways I have heard the term used:

"Your original attachment bond was broken."
"Healthy attachment is a good thing. It is something you want."

Perhaps the very fact that I am asking this is because I don't very often feel attached to anything or anyone. Or, I don't allow myself to be? I don't know.

When I read articles I feel like it goes in one ear and out the other, or my eyes cross and I just don't relate.


FearLess47

[FearLess47]

Ha--I am sitting here crying after reading more. I think I get it now....in the past I have read articles and they sounded like goggly gook to me.

I can see that I have a disorganized attachment style. Trust nothing. Trust no one. Was never sure if an A- would get me in trouble, or praise. Both were true. Chaotic and unpredictable parental situation. Scary and inconsistent. My solution as a young little thing was to think that being perfect would somehow keep me safe from it. Denial of pain. Denial and fragmented self as a result. Over achiever, yet can't "accept" my own achievements as mine. Somehow managed to be quite empathetic towards others, yet not myself. No sense of safety or letting my hair down. Very interesting!

It is no wonder why my mind went blank when I was asked about my childhood or attachment "bonds." I felt like I had a few different childhoods. Some of which I remember nothing.

Ok...see? You helped even though I only chatted with myself.
FL47

[amandalouise]

here where I am it means you have a special bond or connection with someone...

a parent and child has a special bond (way of caring and loving each other)
the parent - child attachment is also called the first / original attachment because its the first kind of attachment a child experiences from the moment of their birth.

example whats the first thing to happen after a child is born? the child is handed over to the mother to hold on her chest, and breastfeed, care for

if you watch you tube videos you can see this special attachment in the way the parents look at their baby, hold their baby and how the baby quiets down, looks at the mother and relaxes, they feel safe, warm and loved by this person holding them.

having a healthy attachment means you have a special connection with another that is neither person controlling / abusing another, a sense of feeling you care about someone and you feel safe with them.

[FearLess47]

Thanks amandalouise. This all makes sense. I think for many years I was not able or willing to "look" at my first attachment person and how that might have landed me where I am today. Reading about babies making healthy attachment bonds made me "feel" a little too much, so I avoided learning about it.

As a 45 year old woman now...I can start to look back and understand why things (like DID) developed and the purposes it served. I can also try to start cultivating a bit of compassion for why I am the way I am. I don't really want to look back and talk about my upbringing. But I love making "sense" out of the facts. And making sense of why I felt safe nowhere.

My last T was a bit punishing in her tone. (My perception.) So I thought all this time when she mentioned about my insecure attachment style that it was a failure on my part somehow. But now I see I just did the best I could with what I had...to survive.

FearLess47

[Amyjay]

I have a lot to write about attachment but I keep getting lost in it and losing what I have written. Guess I have a few attachment issues.

That primary attachment is so important... an infant has an absolute need to form an attachment with a caregiver for its very survival. The drive to attach to a caregiving other is one of the most primal urges a human being can have. For an infant, no attachment equals death.

The human infant will strive to form an attachment at all costs. If the caregiver is loving, kind and responsive to the infants needs, all is well. The infant and caregiver bond, the caregiver supports and guides the infant throughout development, and the infant develops a blueprint of human relationships being safe and caring. This blueprint becomes its "master copy" for all other relationships from then on.

That human infant is driven to seek an attachment to others even when the caregiver is not so great. Different patterns of caregiver response - NOT infant response - will result in the infant adapting a different strategy for getting as many of its basic needs met as is possible with the caregiver/s that it has. Whatever strategy the infant develops in its unique circumstances will determine the "blueprint" it uses thereafter for relationships with others.

That first attachment is crucial to all the human relationships that come after it.

We did not experience a loving responsive caregiver. One was distant and uninterested and the other was extremely and violently abusive. This system learned to rely on the self system and not others. Although we have a mothering alter we struggle very much to navigate attachment with our children. We experience the connection as acted rather than felt. No doubt that has had a serious impact on their own blueprints for relationships.

We avoid relationships as much as we can, and experience great distress when we cannot avoid them.

Safety is found in aloneness.

We did recognize early on in life that "home" was not safe and we would be wise to leave there as soon as was possible. We used many different strategies to make that happen faster.

Yes somehow attachment is stronger as we are still very separate from parts of self that DID attach to the abusers. We have successfully dissociated from them. I think there is danger in that. Parts of self that did attach are still very much attached to the abusers, they still interact with them.

Attachment is survival. It is embedded in our DNA.

Attachment is very much a loaded topic for us.

Sorry for the detached ramble.

[FearLess47]

I know this sounds crazy, but I just absolutely love this.

I get it x the stars.

FL47

[dlantern]

This is a good website....

Multiple personality as an attachment disorder