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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 12
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#1
I could have missed a similar post to this so if I did, my apologies.
At times, I want to share my system with others in my life to let them know whats going on and that I don't mean to just "disappear" at times. I've been nicknamed BumbleBee before one moment I'm there, the next I'm fluttering off somewhere else. Every now and then I flutter back like I never left. I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings but friends of the host are sometimes not friends of the parts. Lately I've been stressed to the max so I'm not in the driver seat. I've been leaning on my squad to pop in for me quite a bit which means I don't talk to my acquaintances as consistently anymore. Other times, or should I say the rest of the times, I don't want to say a word and would rather stay internalized. I try not to get close to people or get on deep topics because I don't want them to be around long enough for a possible switch. I have told a few people very close to me and 2 out of 4 went very well as I was surprised at how they handled my news. Both saying it made so much sense....tell me about it. The other two, not so much. And I don't want to raise that number and possibly hurt myself or my system. It does get a little externally lonely at times. I've had some rude people come up to me saying I'm acting weird or that I have a strange look in my eye. That's probably because with their approach, they triggered one of my protectors. As far as my system, it seems like the feelings are mixed as well. Some want to share and just BLAH to everyone (maybe the younger parts), others are like 'Nope!', and then I'm drawing blanks in the middle of conversations. I take the 'Nope!' route as my default 96% of the time. How do you handle disclosing to others or not disclosing? __________________ |
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Wise Elder
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: 8CS / NYS / USA
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#2
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I treat my mental and physical health the same as I would any other personal information. line in the sand I was DID since the very first altered creation before age 5 so those around me didnt see anything different, after I was diagnosed. getting the diagnosis didnt change anything other than put a name on what has been happening all my whole life, I was just the way I have always been after diagnosis as I was before diagnosis and knew what my problems were called. As long as there are privacy laws in america I choose to follow them and hold my mental and physical health problems as one of those personal information situations that I dont have to share with others. that said my immediate family and my wife knows what my mental and physical health disorders/ diseases are. how did they react.. my family was relieved that there was finally a name for those times I went literally and physically missing to other towns and locations. All my life before integration my family was constantly having to put in missing reports with the police, my having to be located and flown home or picked up. After Diagnosis certain things were put in place to ensure my safe return... carrying identifying information, and other things too. my wife has been part of my healing path from the moment that we decided to life together. it was only fair to fill her in and have her be part of my therapy sessions with my treatment providers, .....before .........we lived together. She has been with me every step of the way. ....since you live in america (your profile says texas) its up to you whether or not you tell anyone. only you can decide whats best for you if you need to tell someone in your life or not, and how those in your life will react to things like this. the fact that you are questioning whether or not you should or want to, speaks for itself in my opinion. when I was questioning my treatment provider told me "if you need to ask then its not time. whether or not to tell someone isnt about questioning, its about a gut feeling and you will know when the time is right. there wont be any worries or questions and you will just jump right into that pool and tell that special someone in your life" she was right in every case that do now know about my having various mental disorders it wasnt a question situaiton, it was a feels right, here you go this is what my mental and physical health. sort of like telling someone you like them or that hair do isnt flattering on you or what sex positions you enjoy. its just that gut feeling that you know when the time is right and theres no worries or questions associated with it. if you are looking for opinions, going on this and the fact that you are questioning it rather than going with your gut and doing it, that to me says not the time yet, suggestion wait until you are sure and ready, then just do it. go with your gut, instinct on this. |
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Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
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#3
Just chiming in to say hi and *me too* QueenConfusion. I don't have a lot of good tips or answers for this myself...will be interested to see how others have found their way on who to tell or not tell. I am still in the discovery phase so for people who know me the best, I just tell them I've got a lot going on. They are used to seeing me struggle. So in many ways I needn't tell until I have a firmer grasp on what's happening. I have otherwise removed myself from most outside activities when possible.
FearLess47 __________________ alone in a crowded room |
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Amyjay
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Magnate
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Underground
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#4
I have never told anyone else about my system. Only my Ts know. There have been times I have wanted to explain my behavior to others because I know others are sometimes hurt and confused by my flip-flopping/apparent contradictions/non-appearances/disappearances/changeability etc. Sometimes I have wished to be close enough to another person to warrant such a disclosure. It's just easier to ride this life alone.
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FearLess47, QueenConfusion
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FearLess47
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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
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#5
I wanted to share actually, an unexpected experience. I had a coffee meeting with my former boss. We had a long talk about surgeries I've had and other stuff that has happened...and basically I kind of hinted that there were some strong issues with dissociation happening and I needed to deal with them. She seemed to have lit up right away and smiled. And said, "Well, we miss you. Everyone loves you. We love you, and we love her. I hope that some part of you can hear me." It was kind of beautiful.
__________________ alone in a crowded room Last edited by FearLess47; Jun 07, 2019 at 09:01 PM.. |
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ACrystalGem
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Amyjay, QueenConfusion
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#6
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FearLess47
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Member
Member Since Dec 2015
Location: United Kingdom
Posts: 173
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#7
I’ve told my 3 closest friends about my diagnosis, and I’m willing to answer any question they have. One of my friends has asked about the Alters quite a bit, and they seem pleased with our progress. The reason I’ve told my friends is that I have no other physical support (apart from my therapist) since I ran away from my violent & abusive family, and since then I haven’t had any other family or close people to speak of. I know that if something happened to me, or if I ended up in a (mental) hospital, I’d have 3 people on my side to help me out, who know everything about my past and my present situation. I don’t mind sharing about my other mental health issues, and have done so in some zines and online stories/blogs I’ve written, but apart from the people above, DID is something I rarely speak of. It is a scary thing to most folk in the UK (only ever seen in horror films)
__________________ Borderline Personality Disorder, C-PTSD, DID, Depression, Anxiety I have a FREE short story about Sci Fi and Mental Health - Billie Prime, available at https://writteninshadows.wordpress.c.../billie-prime/ |
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FearLess47
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Amyjay, FearLess47, QueenConfusion
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Location: USA
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#8
This may or may not be relevant.My husband and I were talking recently about before I was given the diagnosis and before integration.He was saying how he didn't know it was DID or even anything "wrong" with me,that it was just me and who and how I was since he first met me many years ago when I was just 18.
I guess that is relevant afterall now that I wrote it.If my own husband didn't think of it as anything out of the ordinary would there have been any reason to share my diagnosis with anyone else after I received it? He knew and saw my different parts,even tucked in a young one at night but never once thought wow,she has multiple personality disorder(or DID),he just saw it as who/how I was. Even when I was working,one time a coworker was talking about Little Betty but she talked like it was just a cute,quirky thing.She didn't ask or say there was anything going on with my mental health. When people know someone very well they just accept them as they are,they just learn that's how they are as a person and don't really put much thought into it.Just the same as we learn and see how other people behave and react and know that's just how they are.Like my husband,I know when he's really upset his behvior is way different.Or someone else giggles like a little girl when she's excited about something.To my husband I acted like a little girl at bedtime and wanted tucked in right from the very beginning.He expected it and accepted it as who I was. So in my opinion what's the point in telling people if they already know you?If they've known you awhile then they've already seen it all. |
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FearLess47, QueenConfusion
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#9
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Betty_Banana, QueenConfusion
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QueenConfusion
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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
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#10
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to you, FearLess47 __________________ alone in a crowded room |
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QueenConfusion
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Member Since Apr 2019
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#11
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Interestingly though, I do find that more and more is making sense (to me) about my life. And that the people who are closest to me, while they may reject the DID or have fear or weird reactions, I believe they too would have some lightbulb, ah ha moments about me and my behaviors over the years. It's not an easy science. Just like diagnosis and treatment. Such a range of experiences! FearLess47 __________________ alone in a crowded room |
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Betty_Banana
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QueenConfusion
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#12
I guess I didn't use the right word.I didn't mean accepting as in being ok with someone.Maybe the right word should have been expecting?IDK.But what I meant was like everyone seems to have that certain creepy uncle,we accept(exoect?) that he's just creepy, it's how he's always been since we've known him.We don't like the fact that he is but that's just who/,how he is.Or the person that's always perky no matter what,we see that as who/how they are,etc.
I do understand not being accepted in the way you mean though.And I know how that feels because that's how it was for me too. |
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#13
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And I don't think most people even know or understand what DID is to be able to recognize it when it's right in front of them.Even many that have it don't recognize what it is,I had no clue that's what I had.I thought my therapist was a quack when he gave me the diagnosis.I easily accepted the PTSD dx after I researched what it actually was but the DID didn't seem possible to me. I think I would possibly be able to recognize it in someone now,maybe not though.As I was trying tp say before when we get to know someone we accept(but I think the right word is expect?)them to be who/how they are.When they behave in the same ways when they're mad,sad, frightened,whatever, I think it would be hard to know whether that's just how they are or if it's a disorder.Even if someone goes into a child state at times I think it would be hard to know,like my husband has PTSD and I've seen him in a child state at times,talking like a little kid,but he doesn't have DID. |
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FearLess47
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FearLess47
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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
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#14
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I just had a T session and she said that DID is one of the most "hidden" disorders and difficult to detect and diagnose accurately...that other things have to almost be ruled out first. I asked her if it will ever be necessary for me to say to my husband, "Hey, I have DID." Maybe not.. I think there are ways I can help him understand some stuff, changes he will notice, etc. But ultimately...this is more about making sense of my inner world(s) and how I have made it this far....and that the next steps of discovery and integration, no matter how long they take, are something that I look forward to...but that I may not announce to the world. FL47 __________________ alone in a crowded room |
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Junior Member
Member Since Apr 2019
Location: Texas
Posts: 12
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#15
My experience with my husband knowing about my diagnosis has been very interesting. He actually saw a switch right before his eyes before I received any diagnosis, so he's been on this journey of multiple discovery with me. It's still been tough.
My husband is a social butterfly (opposites attract?) and several people that would come around would say I "looked weird" (those were one of the more rude comments) or I had a different look in my eye. I always hear something similar to "yep, ya damn skippy" response from inside and try not to laugh. In those situations, I'm usually dealing with easily judgmental people so I don't even attempt to hold a long conversation. In my interactions lately, I've shared similarities with some very close to me AFTER THEY bring up their own stories first. They can understand and relate personally to the PTSD, depression and anxiety. Even adjustment disorder. In my mind I'm just like man you sure do have a lot in common with a multiple. Some of my parts are.......intense......to say the least. It's been tricky even keeping them under wraps. I've had quite a time trying to remember how I'm supposed to handle situations and interactions. I've also been blocked out a couple times. But I love reading the experiences so thank you everyone for sharing. I recently had to cut loose my T. Too many red flags and our last interaction was not the best. I don't even feel my T was even listening to me. The second to last session, I was talking a bit and I looked up to my T yawning, rubbing her eyes, and sighing deeply. I'm like damn what the hell lady? I already hate therapy, always have. But I'm grateful for these forums. This discovery phase is a bugger. And it's nice to not be alone. Disclosing is tricky, seems safer not to disclose. __________________ |
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FearLess47
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FearLess47
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Member Since Apr 2019
Location: U.S.
Posts: 219
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#16
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Maybe it's time to find a new T who gives a ***! I recently said goodbye to my T of 4 years. I don't know why I went to her for so long. And when I finally started to try my best to describe what I was experiencing, she knew she was in over her head. I am so grateful to now have a T who has worked with DID clients and who is not freaked out by it....but also not grossly "fascinated" about the DID. It feels important to strike a balance between the two, so that there is no prompting by a T who might cause harm or make suggestions. Thank you for starting this topic. This will be an ongoing one for me, for sure. I so appreciate hearing others' experiences, stumbles, ideas about this....I'm sure it is quite individual for all of us, but it helps to know I'm not the only fish in this sea. This weekend I had a very strong depersonalization episode. My husband could tell something was wrong. It was the first time I shared with him directly, I told him I am having a strong dissociation thing. It will pass." I could see in his face he was relieved, and then I knew we really didn't need to talk about it much. I did my go-to grounding tricks while he was in the shower, wrote about what it felt like in my journal. And talked about it with T today... Having all of you here helps remind me to follow the steps to take care of myself during scary moments. FearLess47 __________________ alone in a crowded room |
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QueenConfusion
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Junior Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: England
Posts: 11
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#17
If I think someone is really going to struggle to understand when I tell them (because tbf it can be confusing!) I tend to tell them that it's like I have all the different Harry Potter houses in my head.
They're all me, they all behave like me, but there are differences in the way I think, speak, behave and present myself. My alters are very much more fractured than split entirely from me, so it might not resonate with some people at all, but when I explain it this way people tend to understand very quickly. |
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