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Default Jun 29, 2021 at 08:56 AM
  #361
I had a really tough day today (afternoon, anyway)

had a visit from a new member of the mental health team- and apart from it being totally unexpected and a shock to the system, one of the questions she asked me was.... what are the 5 most important things to move forward?

and I really didn't have an answer for her

Possible trigger:


which is the truth, but found that I couldn't say that to her because it may end bad for me

so I just told her litirally theo nly things I could think of- move back to my home city, and stop being treated like crap and that I don't have a brain

okay, that last one about being treated like crap is possibly something she can help me with, but moving back to my home city?. who am I kidding. I just don't want anything apart from

Possible trigger:


so I found the question really hard

when she left I just fell silent and felt so drained.. wishing I could tell her more, but also wishing that I never met her in the first place.

distracted myself by writing my shopping list, and I guess that helped a little.
 
 
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Default Jun 29, 2021 at 12:34 PM
  #362
I feel so hopeless and drained. Idk what to do.
I just want to live the way I wish to.
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Default Jun 29, 2021 at 01:46 PM
  #363
I often feel like I'm a 'walk in', a term I heard about on late night radio. Like I'm not the original her, & I ended up with her memories. It's probably not true. Maybe it's kind of like "derealization", which I only recently have read a little something about.

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Default Jun 29, 2021 at 01:51 PM
  #364
Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
I often feel like I'm a 'walk in', a term I heard about on late night radio. Like I'm not the original her, & I ended up with her memories. It's probably not true. Maybe it's kind of like "derealization", which I only recently have read a little something about.
You are you. That is what counts. <3
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Default Jun 29, 2021 at 03:01 PM
  #365
I have been going around all day thinking it's monday

but it isn't. I just found out it's tuesday..
 
 
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Default Jun 29, 2021 at 09:41 PM
  #366
Quote:
Originally Posted by raging vortex View Post
I have been going around all day thinking it's monday

but it isn't. I just found out it's tuesday..
I've done that & had to check my cell phone to verify what day it was. Maybe people who dissociate can have this problem, or maybe everyone does this once in a while?

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Default Jun 30, 2021 at 04:14 AM
  #367
too many voices last night, and too many thoughts. it was like being part of a 3d confrence (complete with the smells, the sounds and the images) of my thoughts. it was all a bit too much

today, I have a stomach ache caused by sausage rolls that didn't agree with me at breakfast time (I had to get them using uber eats from a diffrent bakery, ran out of my usual ones)

hopes were raised briefly when my baby doll finally arived, but soon dashed when I realise you couldn't really do anything with her.. but hold her and hear her cry. she has a passifier and a baby bottle, but she doesn't make the relevant sounds so it's not realistic and I'm quite depressed about that. I was hoping to dress her up and take her on adventures in her little toy pushchair... who am I kidding.
 
 
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Default Jun 30, 2021 at 08:30 AM
  #368
All I do is keep myself alive... Sometimes it is forced. Eating, drinking, sleeping, doing stuff.

Last edited by ReveuseTroublee; Jun 30, 2021 at 08:44 AM..
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Default Jun 30, 2021 at 08:45 AM
  #369
If I am honest I am not independent at all anymore... I never was. But with the struggling to walk, the collapses Idk what to do really...
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Default Jun 30, 2021 at 09:43 AM
  #370
@ReveuseTroublee

I hear you when you talk about indipendence. with my fibro, especially, it feels like sometimes I am doing too much (even simple things like dressing can be agony on the back)

and this is coming from a gal who never expected life to be so hardd
 
 
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Default Jun 30, 2021 at 09:44 AM
  #371
now I'm drained just putting on a shirt..
 
 
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Default Jul 01, 2021 at 01:00 PM
  #372
I have sat here, all day, and not done a ****ing thing

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 07:31 PM
  #373
I feel like I am never going to have a future... Be part of society at all. I feel so hopeless.
I have not given up yet though...
Idk...
All is too much right now...
I need therapy and help but I never found someone who can be of a help... Idk...
It will take time and it is a process.

Last edited by ReveuseTroublee; Jul 02, 2021 at 08:25 PM..
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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 08:22 PM
  #374
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReveuseTroublee View Post
I feel like I am never going to have a future... Be part of society at all. I feel so hopeless.
I have not given up yet though...
Idk...
All is too much right now...
I need therapy and help but I never found someone who can be of a help... Idk...
It will take time and it is a process.
I understand. I feel some of the things you mentioned. I hope you will find the help you need.

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Default Jul 02, 2021 at 08:26 PM
  #375
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Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
I understand. I feel some of the things you mentioned. I hope you will find the help you need.
It is really difficult where I live to find specialists.
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 03:55 AM
  #376
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReveuseTroublee View Post
I feel like I am never going to have a future... Be part of society at all. I feel so hopeless.
I have not given up yet though...
Idk...
All is too much right now...
I need therapy and help but I never found someone who can be of a help... Idk...
It will take time and it is a process.


I am glad you're here with us

it's good that you're not giving up
 
 
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 03:57 AM
  #377
positive of the day: yesterday when I had my mcdonalds, they put 22 nuggets in the bag in sted of the usual 20, and only charged me for 20

defenetly not complaining. extra yum!
 
 
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Default Jul 03, 2021 at 05:10 PM
  #378
Quote:
Originally Posted by ReveuseTroublee View Post
It is really difficult where I live to find specialists.
I can relate to that. And ''bad'' ''help'' tends to be so much more harmful than no ''help''.

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Default Jul 04, 2021 at 04:07 PM
  #379
It took me months but finally found a DID specialist who took my insurance. He diagnosed me with DID and then said I should get SSI(I think that's the one he said). I kept saying no. One day he drilled me for 50 minutes with a frown on his face trying everything to get me to do it. He stressed me out so much that I ended my DID therapy.
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Default Jul 05, 2021 at 12:33 AM
  #380
I am so angry. I want to ****ing destroy everything around me. I felike I could kill someone. I am so angry I used to take a bat and smash what ever the **** was in front of me. I don't want to die i.just need to explode. I have to explode. **** everything I am no going to kill myself. I need to explode .**** you **** I need to explode and I will feel better.
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