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Old 09-06-2021, 09:28 PM   #521
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I need "littles" trigger warnings lol. Anything cute like that can make me age slide to little Paul.
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Old 09-07-2021, 12:56 AM   #522
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Today for 1st time I had 3 way therapy with my sister, T & I. She was in highschool when I was born. So it was nice hearing about my childhood. Then we started talking about DID. My sister was like, "What's DID??" In panic I said it's just dissociation caused by childhood trauma lol. I'm too afraid to let my family know anything about DID. Ok sounds like I'm just rambling now. ...I didn't get to ramble in therapy today. So, here am I.

@Breaking Dawn, thanks for the hugs!
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Old 09-07-2021, 06:39 AM   #523
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
Today for 1st time I had 3 way therapy with my sister, T & I. She was in highschool when I was born. So it was nice hearing about my childhood. Then we started talking about DID. My sister was like, "What's DID??" In panic I said it's just dissociation caused by childhood trauma lol. I'm too afraid to let my family know anything about DID. Ok sounds like I'm just rambling now. ...I didn't get to ramble in therapy today. So, here am I.

@Breaking Dawn, thanks for the hugs!
You are more welcome than you can imagine, :stahrgeyzer.
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Old 09-08-2021, 12:51 AM   #524
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Ugg, I have some kind of a bug, but I had both pfizer vaccines, so I shouldn't have to go to hospital. I took an online covid symptom dianosis, which is probably not so accurate, but the results are:

Novel Coronavirus (COVID-19) HIGH
You may have a high risk of developing the disease.
Please self isolate yourself for 14 days.
In case you develop high fever or difficulty in breathing, please seek immediate medical attention from a qualified doctor.

I feel like it's mild covid. No breathing problems, thankfully, but full bodyaches, nausia, stomach ache, headache, a bit dizzy, ringing in ears.

I hope anyone who has been vaccinate will stay *clear* of people. Please!
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Old 09-08-2021, 07:23 AM   #525
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
Ugg, I have some kind of a bug, but I had both pfizer vaccines, so I shouldn't have to go to hospital. I took an online covid symptom dianosis, which is probably not so accurate, but the results are:

Novel Coronavirus (COVID-19) HIGH
You may have a high risk of developing the disease.
Please self isolate yourself for 14 days.
In case you develop high fever or difficulty in breathing, please seek immediate medical attention from a qualified doctor.

I feel like it's mild covid. No breathing problems, thankfully, but full bodyaches, nausia, stomach ache, headache, a bit dizzy, ringing in ears.

I hope anyone who has been vaccinate will stay *clear* of people. Please!


well... I hope it isn't covid and it's something less severe.

stay safe and let us know!
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Old 09-08-2021, 09:01 AM   #526
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Thanks. Fever is gone. My sister thinks it was just food poisoning. I have a COVID test in a few hours.
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Old 09-08-2021, 12:34 PM   #527
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Iím feel sooo dissociated lol. I get up and do things but who knows where Iíll end up.
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Old 09-08-2021, 07:26 PM   #528
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Feel like Iím coming unglued! Fever is kinda back but soar throat now. But thatís not even it. Just sent email to T requesting early therapy. Just having bad thoughts about myself. No sense saying more bc itíll be trigger warning.
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Old 09-09-2021, 04:36 AM   #529
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I feel like I shouldn't have had that spicy food yesterday.

my body doesn't agree with spicy food, so I should have known better, but their wasn't much in the house... at least not until my grocery shop arives on friday
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Old 09-09-2021, 04:06 PM   #530
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My corona test came back negative. I've spent the day using online symptom diagnostic checkers. Nothing that screams "my symptoms." But I keep thinking about how my sleep patterns have drastically changed over the past week. Normally I go to bed around 10pm, but that changed to 2 to 3pm. Also about the same time I stopped eating junk food and only ate veggies, fruits, nuts, some low fat chicken. Also started exercising. And then I started getting so irritable with intense surges of depression and SI, which could be caused by all of the sudden changes. So I read that sudden changes to sleep patterns and your circadian rhythms alone is like dropping a bomb to your system, which is well known to cause physical symptoms such as fevers, headaches, fatigue. I'm guessing all of the above is the most likely cause.
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Old 09-10-2021, 03:11 PM   #531
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groceries came today. really nice delivery gal too

glad it's the weekend, especially friday- I just had my weekly mcdonalds which was really nice.

showered today and that hurt the hell out of me, but at least I'm not doing anything too bad I guess
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Old 09-10-2021, 05:42 PM   #532
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Had an extra therapy day this week, today. I was so angry today at so many things, from 1st T to humans in general. T could tell immediately I was upset. She was so amazing at handling it, it just amazes me. She was so caring and soft spoken. She gave me EMDR for the trauma my 1st T gave me. At the end of therapy I felt good.
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Old 09-11-2021, 03:46 AM   #533
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
Had an extra therapy day this week, today. I was so angry today at so many things, from 1st T to humans in general. T could tell immediately I was upset. She was so amazing at handling it, it just amazes me. She was so caring and soft spoken. She gave me EMDR for the trauma my 1st T gave me. At the end of therapy I felt good.


I am almost envious.

if I had a therapist as good as yours, I wouldn't have had to go threw 9 of them to start off with- and perhaps (no for sure) I'd feel more comfortable sharing my thoughts
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Old 09-11-2021, 12:15 PM   #534
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@raging vortex I can't imagine going through 9 therapists! Sometimes I call my present therapist my 2nd therapist but I've had 3 Ts + temporary T for DID, unless you count the half dozen in the psychward, which I don't. My 2nd T was a social worker and didn't even seem like a therapist. It was over the phone. Most of the time she didn't say anything lol. Kind of strange feeling not seeing who you're talking to and when they rarely talk. Makes you feel like you're talking to yourself.

As for my present (3rd T) wasn't easy sharing my thoughts with her early on because of what I went through with the first T, but she quickly won over my trust.

And then there's the 4th T, the DID specialists, a temporary T, never meant to replace present T. He's a neuropsychologist (still don't know what that is) and a clinical hypnotherapist. He made me feel so uncomfortable. He's had like a 100 years of experience lol.

Hope you find what you want! One of these days if you feel like it I'd love to hear about your experiences.
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Old 09-14-2021, 02:03 PM   #535
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I have a demon inside of me. A sick part. It does bad things in the middle of the night while Iím asleep.

I feel so sad because I know only one way to end it, before it hurts someone.

How could there be a God?

My world has collapsed and is over!
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Old 09-14-2021, 02:07 PM   #536
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Im so afraid how to cancel therapy forever without hurting my therapistís feelings. Sheís tried so hard to save me. It just makes me want to cry
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Old 09-18-2021, 11:24 AM   #537
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We felt the responsibility to update people about Paul. He's safe dormant inside the void for the past few days. We love Paul. We're not demons. We're part of him. We've managed to talk his therapist into continuing therapy. It's not easy. One step at a time. Take care, beautiful lovely people. Clara
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Old 09-18-2021, 02:57 PM   #538
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I have to say that this is where I kind of feel like I might belong. I have the voices who harm me. I have the kind of inner personality that has accepted too much & doesn't complain very much. I love so much! I want so much to be healed. My heart hurts quite often. Other times I'm extremely thankful for so many things. I know I am very lucky in many respects, especially for the good fortune to have found these forums.
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Old 09-19-2021, 05:25 PM   #539
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

This is Paul. I don't remember being in a void, but I'm feeling better now. Even so, I'm too afraid to tell my trauma therapist about all this. She worries enough about me.

@Breaking Dawn Wishing you and all your parts the best. As you know, every system's different. And everyone is valid! I still don't understand DID. It's hard for me to accept. My trauma therapist says everyone has parts. It's just that parts in some people are more separated. Even normal/typical people can sleep walk and do things while asleep, but have no memory when they wake up. Some people go for walks around the neighborhood while sleep walking. Some people open the refrigerator and make a meal while sleep walking. Even my DID neuropsychologist says they don't really understand much of the brain yet.
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Old 09-20-2021, 11:04 AM   #540
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Nothing feels right lately. I often wonder if I died and this is the afterlife. This doesnít feel like my body.

Not much can be done. Just relax. Donít panic. Go for a walk.
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