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Old 09-20-2021, 11:09 AM   #541
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Todayís therapy. Kinda nervous. Last I remember I canceled therapy forever. And then the week before I also canceled therapy forever. So Iím afraid sheís getting tired of me canceling. Nothing feels right! Itís like Iíve never met my T before.
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Old 09-20-2021, 12:18 PM   #542
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I've been going back in time.
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Old 09-20-2021, 09:22 PM   #543
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

My therapy today was the best ever! I've never felt so much love and care from anyone before. I was telling her about a post I made last week asking if someone ended their life would the police contact their therapist, and that two therapists replied saying No, that the police contact their nearest kin. T asked me why I wanted to know. I said I wanted to be certain you didn't find out because I don't want you to be hurt. She got emotional saying she would find out after looking into things, and then she said that makes her want to tear up and cry just thinking about it. And then I got emotional and couldn't talk for a moment. The whole therapy was wonderful. She tried so hard to give me the best care ever. I'm trying my best to heal and recover, and to never let her down.

I never knew therapy could be so beautiful and full of human compassion, care and love. I just care about her so much, words can never say.
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Old 09-21-2021, 04:10 PM   #544
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Feel like a lot of parts have integrated lately. That might explain why the body has felt foreign lately. For me it seems like when life gets extra painful that a lot of parts separate, and when life settles down the parts come together again.

That gives me hope. Total fusion integration is a real thing. There are a lot of people who once had DID that I've followed on youtube who no longer have it. I feel like that amazing event will happen for me one day, hopefully soon.
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Old 09-21-2021, 05:18 PM   #545
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

But I think mine are alters.
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Old 09-21-2021, 05:46 PM   #546
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Alters and parts are the same thing. I think academics refer to them as parts. My DID neuropsychologist always called them parts regardless if I called them alters. My trauma therapist will call them alters or parts depending on what I prefer.

Integration & fusion are part of DID. To be honest nobody can guarantee when it will happen. Some people invite it. Some donít.
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Old 09-21-2021, 06:48 PM   #547
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I don't think my voices came from me, though. I think they are separate minds, either created by the brain, or they sprouted up by themselves, like some neurons due.
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Old 09-21-2021, 06:52 PM   #548
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Maybe you could ask each of the voices how old they are or what their first memories are. Maybe they know some of the inner world history, if they ever seen two alters become one or if there was a split. Iíve had splits when I recalled early trauma. I think it was too much for the mind so some of the trauma split and became another alter.
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Old 09-21-2021, 06:59 PM   #549
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I've asked them so many things & they claim that they don't know anything about their past, where they came from, where exactly they are located, etc.
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Old 09-21-2021, 07:38 PM   #550
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

It's not that uncommon for an alter to not remember much. Every system is different and valid.
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Old 09-22-2021, 05:43 PM   #551
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I feel like Iíve traded suicidal planning & ideation for binge eating / starvation-exercising.
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Old 09-23-2021, 10:45 AM   #552
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Not feeling so well but I haven't heard a single voice in days, and I've been off meds for long time now!

I feel so solid, like I'm a big rock, a very unusual feeling for me. It gives me the feeling that my present self is a lot of parts that have been mended together to form one person.

Not sure if it's true for everyone, but all the people on youtube that I've followed who had DID achieved full fusion (no more DID) after they started seeking it and working hard on their mental health. That's what I've been doing. Bless those wonderful youtubers!
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Old 09-24-2021, 04:20 PM   #553
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I'm kind of freaking out because once again I feel like a *completely* different person. Even the way I talk is different and I sound different. It even sounds like I'm a foreigner lol. How am I going to skype with my parents and others like this?

Besides that I guess things are ok. Except I woke up at 1:04pm. Crazy.
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Old 09-24-2021, 06:29 PM   #554
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Hi, stahrgeyzer, could you maybe impersonate (pretend to be) the self they know when you skype your parents & the others?
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Old 09-24-2021, 06:48 PM   #555
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Hopefully it'll fade or snap out of it by then. Today was an extra therapy day so I tried hard to be myself but it sounded a bit strange.

On a positive note my T knew about the IFS model. She's not a certified IFS therapist but seems interested. She's reading a book that's a slightly modified version of IFS mixed with something else. That makes me happy she's open to it.

Therapy was awesome today. She took me into a meditative state with my eye closed, had me visualize a meeting room with a desk and chairs and asked parts to come in and have a seat. She asked for my Self (see IFS terminology) to be seated across from me. A lot of parts participated, but most did not.


Therapy felt so healing today. IFS seems so promising.

IFS with DID?
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Old 09-24-2021, 09:02 PM   #556
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Good, stahrgeyzer. I'm glad. I hope I can find a T like yours who understands.
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Old 09-24-2021, 10:06 PM   #557
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I wish more people would post in the DID check-in thread. Most of the time it's so lonely here.

I'm feeling so dissociated that I can't even watch a short youtube video.
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Old Yesterday, 02:19 AM   #558
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I feel the same way!
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Old Yesterday, 04:53 PM   #559
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

It's been a very long time since I have checked in here. This year has been very hard I lost many good friends by passing away. They where all close to me and finding out has been difficult. My therapist got covid19 in April so she was unable to see me for 3 months. last month I got very ill from a bad sun burn and the vaccine. Slowly im getting better and feel really depressed. I find it's very hard to be motivated.
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Old Today, 08:37 AM   #560
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Heart Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I'm so sorry, @Cheryl27, for all that you've been going through & for losing people who meant a lot to you. Sending wishes filled with healing energy for your sad heart.
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