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Old 11-24-2021, 07:07 PM   #621
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Happy Thanksgiving, to all who like this holiday! My favorite holiday! And thank you for communicating your feelings here, a good thread for us.
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Old 11-25-2021, 02:41 AM   #622
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Happy Thanksgiving, to all who like this holiday! My favorite holiday! And thank you for communicating your feelings here, a good thread for us.
Happy Thanksgiving!

Thank you, @Breaking Dawn

My T has really helped me/us with Thanksgiving this year. She made sure to schedule two appointments this week before Thanksgiving. We are really lucky to have her!

But we are still alone, and so we got to process that stuff with our T.

We hope that you are having a good Thanksgiving Holiday, Breaking Dawn!

We hope everyone here on MSF has a safe and happy Holiday!
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Old 11-26-2021, 02:01 PM   #623
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I'm having a breakdown but doing a little better now. This morning I tried to cancel my mobile phone and get a new carrier company but I ordered the wrong thing but the new mobile company said they can't cancel it now. So I have two mobile services. And my mouse went dead in the middle. Then my internet or pc stopped. Some alters are being cruel saying horrible things to me and saying we're cursed. I felt like screaming and breaking down in tears at the same time. Why would anyone want to live in this cruel world???
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Old 11-26-2021, 02:26 PM   #624
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

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Happy Thanksgiving to all.

I'm having a breakdown but doing a little better now. This morning I tried to cancel my mobile phone and get a new carrier company but I ordered the wrong thing but the new mobile company said they can't cancel it now. So I have two mobile services. And my mouse went dead in the middle. Then my internet or pc stopped. Some alters are being cruel saying horrible things to me and saying we're cursed. I felt like screaming and breaking down in tears at the same time. Why would anyone want to live in this cruel world???
I totally get this!! I feel this so much of the time! But I'm determined to stick it out! Something tells me that there is a better experience ahead, & I don't want to miss out! I believe we're going to be ok. Please hang in there, dear friend!
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Old 11-27-2021, 01:25 PM   #625
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Thanks Breaking Dawn! We’re having a good long walk this morning on a sunny day here in Los Angeles. Have a good weekend everyone!
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Old 11-27-2021, 01:43 PM   #626
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Feeling much better but I know this is only part of an endless up and down cycle. Btw it feels weird talking to yourself and extremely awkward writing to yourself in public. Does one ever get used to DID? I still struggle accepting it.
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Old 11-27-2021, 02:35 PM   #627
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

@stahrgeyzer, I admit it's a tough road, but we have so much in our potential! You are very smart. You will succeed! Endure this painful place & come out winning!
I really do understand! Let's wish the best for us?
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Old 11-28-2021, 05:21 PM   #628
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I feel like a robot lately, very numb. It allows one to work almost non-stop.
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Old 11-28-2021, 09:50 PM   #629
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Blush Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

My alters and I were bad recently. We posted something we shouldn't have.

An admin corrected it though.

We still feel bad.
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Old 11-29-2021, 12:40 AM   #630
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This will probably make me sound like a kook ... but today was an indescribable day. On my usual daily long walk today I saw this person standing about 10 feet from me. His appearance shocked me because he looked so perfect, beyond human. Like, too perfect. And his facial features we're very uncommon. I can't recall ever seeing a human being looking like him. It was almost as if he was made in the highest tech factory.

Anyhow, he was looking directly at me, just standing there in an empty parking lot as I walked by on the sidewalk. He had his left hand up by his face. I didn't pay attention, but I think he had a few fingers pointing. He was definitely making some gesture, but for the 4 to 5 seconds that I looked at him I was focused on his flawless unique face and what I can only describe as an intense gut-feeling/knowing. So after walking past him for about 70 feet I had the strong desire to look back. A building was in the way, so I couldn't see him, but I could see his shadow, and he was walking away from the sidewalk, which makes me think he walked over to the sidewalk to look at me. This has nothing to do with physical attraction/chemistry. It's just that he seemed so pure and perfect, not only in appearance, but in an indescribable soul type of way. Maybe a better way of describing him is to say he was an adult male, but had the skin of a newborn baby, or perhaps even more perfect. Even his cloths looked interesting. They were an unusual vivid sky blue and I think some white stripes. I know this sounds crazy, but the thought that came to mind when I saw him was a Star person.

It gets better. So later on today for some reason I decided to work on my theoretical physics project. I don't want to say exactly what the device is that I'm working on, but you could say it has something to do with a certain part on a starship that's required for humanity to travel amongst the stars. The craziest part is that about an hour ago I made a major breakthrough. The math works out. Now it's just a matter of saving up money to one day build it, and hope it works.


Okay, sorry if this post is too far out there. Only at MSF would I feel comfortable writing about this lol.
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Old 11-29-2021, 12:48 AM   #631
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Poll Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

Quote:
Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
This will probably make me sound like a kook ... but today was an indescribable day. On my usual daily long walk today I saw this person standing about 10 feet from me. His appearance shocked me because he looked so perfect, beyond human. Like, too perfect. And his facial features we're very uncommon. I can't recall ever seeing a human being looking like him. It was almost as if he was made in the highest tech factory.

Anyhow, he was looking directly at me, just standing there in an empty parking lot as I walked by on the sidewalk. He had his left hand up by his face. I didn't pay attention, but I think he had a few fingers pointing. He was definitely making some gesture, but for the 4 to 5 seconds that I looked at him I was focused on his flawless unique face and what I can only describe as an intense gut-feeling/knowing. So after walking past him for about 70 feet I had the strong desire to look back. A building was in the way, so I couldn't see him, but I could see his shadow, and he was walking away from the sidewalk, which makes me think he walked over to the sidewalk to look at me. This has nothing to do with physical attraction/chemistry. It's just that he seemed so pure and perfect, not only in appearance, but in an indescribable soul type of way. Maybe a better way of describing him is to say he was an adult male, but had the skin of a newborn baby, or perhaps even more perfect. Even his cloths looked interesting. They were an unusual this vivid sky blue and I think some white stripes. I know this sounds crazy, but the thought that came to mind when I saw him was a Star person.
Maybe he was an angel or a really kind extraterrestrial. I tend to have these "magical thoughts," in hopes that there are higher powers to guide us humans/earthlings. Then again, maybe he was just a beautiful human/earthling.

Quote:
It gets better. So later on today for some reason I decided to work on my theoretical physics project. I don't want to say exactly what the device is that I'm working on, but you could say it has something to do with a certain part on a starship that's required for humanity to travel amongst the stars. The craziest part is that about an hour ago I made a major breakthrough. The math works out. Now it's just a matter of saving up money to one day build it, and hope it works.

Okay, sorry if this post is too far out there. Only at MSF would I feel comfortable writing about this lol.
You sound really intelligent, and I hope your theoretical physics project works out well. Given the new Space Force and all that NASA is doing these days with protecting Planet Earth from asteroids or comets or whatever they are called, it would be cool to see some new inventions.

I wish I knew physics, chemistry, and biology. I only know a little about biology, but nothing about physics or chemistry. If I had a do-over in life, I would so study all the hard sciences and computer sciences and totally major in the interdisciplinary and/or multidisciplinary arts to create some cool things, too.
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Old 11-29-2021, 01:05 AM   #632
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

@SprinkL3
Sure he could have been an angel. Either way it gives me hope for the future. Maybe humanity really is being watched.

I can hardly wait to walk by there again tomorrow. The place he stood almost feels like holy ground now, but that's probably a bit to religious/spiritual. If there are such pure beings who will one day freely walk amongst humans, I hope we don't start worshiping them. Everyone can be pure. Humanity is just kind of a bit stuck in the mud now, but one day we'll rise, I hope!

You seem like a very detailed and intelligent type of person who could make a great scientist if you wanted. Science can be wonderful if in the hands of good people, but sometimes I fear for our future. I just hope everything turns out good when people start traveling and living in starships and other planets. I fear we'll take war with us, which is why it's so important to help humanity let go of their aggression and accept everyone with open arms.
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Old 11-29-2021, 03:47 AM   #633
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@SprinkL3
Sure he could have been an angel. Either way it gives me hope for the future. Maybe humanity really is being watched.

I can hardly wait to walk by there again tomorrow. The place he stood almost feels like holy ground now, but that's probably a bit to religious/spiritual. If there are such pure beings who will one day freely walk amongst humans, I hope we don't start worshiping them. Everyone can be pure. Humanity is just kind of a bit stuck in the mud now, but one day we'll rise, I hope!

You seem like a very detailed and intelligent type of person who could make a great scientist if you wanted. Science can be wonderful if in the hands of good people, but sometimes I fear for our future. I just hope everything turns out good when people start traveling and living in starships and other planets. I fear we'll take war with us, which is why it's so important to help humanity let go of their aggression and accept everyone with open arms.
- Perhaps that's why we have a Space Force now.

As it is, there's a lot of manmade junk floating around in space that might need cleaning up. I wouldn't be surprised if certain countries might be claiming space-based territories for their stuff.
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Old 11-30-2021, 11:39 AM   #634
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I really want people to stop going on about, I'm spending christmas with family, I'm going round a friends, I'm going to have lots of gifts and a big party

woop dee doo. I'm spending christmas alone, with no gifts and no party. sooo
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Old 11-30-2021, 11:46 AM   #635
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

@raging vortex I hope things will be okay for you. Not sure what the solution is but a few things help me, but everyone's different. I just find ways to naturally numb myself. Thinking like a robot, even to the point of saying I'm a robot. Robots don't feel pain.
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Old 11-30-2021, 11:55 AM   #636
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I'm getting so sick and tired of these endless cycles that make me do way too much SI. They happen at least once a week. Therapy didn't help. Meds made more numb but really didn't help. My hope is that something bad enough will help push me over the edge, a cliff.

Feel like lately a lot of parts are co-fronting especially Little Paul / Paulie and a HAL. HAL says he's the holder of all the early childhood memories. He's a robot from Arthur C. Clarke's Space Odyssey movie, HAL 9000. Two years ago HAL gave me an early childhood memory because I begged him to. He gave me the memory, visually, which my psychiatrist said caused me a 20 minute long NES, non-epileptic seizure. It's okay, it would be helpful to know all memories.


Paul/Paulie/HAL
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Old 11-30-2021, 11:57 AM   #637
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@raging vortex I hope things will be okay for you. Not sure what the solution is but a few things help me, but everyone's different. I just find ways to naturally numb myself. Thinking like a robot, even to the point of saying I'm a robot. Robots don't feel pain.
Sometimes we felt that way, too. I think we felt feelings for Data and Spock. We kind of wished we were like them - like robots or robotic-like.
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Old 11-30-2021, 12:06 PM   #638
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
@raging vortex I hope things will be okay for you. Not sure what the solution is but a few things help me, but everyone's different. I just find ways to naturally numb myself. Thinking like a robot, even to the point of saying I'm a robot. Robots don't feel pain.


don't bother watching out, don't bother to beware don't bother getting excited because their's nothing their

santa isn't coming to town..
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Old 11-30-2021, 12:07 PM   #639
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

@raging vortex - I'm so sorry you are struggling with loneliness. There's a phenomenon called FOMO ("fear of missing out"), which is what increases both anxiety and depression among social media when you are surrounded by hearing positive things that you aren't included in. There are recent studies about that. I knew a grad student whose research was about that very thing, in addition to other traumas and eating disorders among college students and maybe teen foster children. I've lost touch with her, but I learned a little bit about her research and how the very things you mention can increase depression for some people.

Before social media, we weren't constantly flooded with selfies and cheery people; we could retreat home or choose what to hear on the radio or television. We could still call crisis lines, and we could attend in-person support groups. There seemed to be more of them back in the day. The advent of the World Wide Web brought on an entirely different lifestyle, as did this pandemic. More and more people are online now, which makes it even more challenging for us who are perpetually lonely.

I once had a horrible T who told me that at least I had my alters. We may have one another, but we're all lonely. We want to know people in life, in addition to just us. And maybe we are here because of all the CEN (childhood emotional neglect) we experienced overall, where we had to learn to care for ourselves and to deal with loneliness. Even movies like Cast Away reveal how another "person" is there (in that movie's case, it was "Wilson," the ball) to keep us company when we are utterly alone for hours on end. But that movie was about an adult. As children, we perhaps dissociated into different parts because of our loneliness, in addition to our traumas. We were rejected, abandoned, hurt, neglected, abused. This might be a lot to take in, so hopefully we aren't triggering you. But we wanted to share this with you to validate your feelings and pain.

We hope we can all find way to spend some time online here for Christmas. We know it is painful. We don't have to do Christmas things if it is too painful. I posted in the Games section a thread from Z-A on Backwards Christmas stuff with an anti-hero kind of theme (like you present naughty and nice together). It's a way of venting but having fun while "un-celebrating" the holidays, LOL. It's kind of sappy, but the idea just popped in our head.

We like to hear your thoughts on stuff. It helps us cope sometimes because then we know we aren't the only ones struggling like that, too.
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Old 11-30-2021, 12:14 PM   #640
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Default Re: dissociative disorders check in thread #4

I think reality just a fake evil sickness. Why support it?
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