[lemonSys]

Therapy yesterday was….”new”…drained today

[mikeywashere]

therapy in a few days. not sure who's fronting. my head hurts a little... otherwise okay. i kind of miss our therapist, she's always been good to us. i'll see her around 1pm on wednesday. if i get there early i might get myself some bubble tea from a nearby store...

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by lemonSys

This comment reminds me of a quote I recently came across. I hope it gives you a moment of “non-icky” feelings (it made me kinda chuckle):

“Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.”

Not sure if you can relate per se, but figured I’d share for a try at a smile.

— lemonSys

Thanks, this made me smile (I've been encountering too many who....

[Breaking Dawn]

Originally Posted by mikeywashere

therapy in a few days. not sure who's fronting. my head hurts a little... otherwise okay. i kind of miss our therapist, she's always been good to us. i'll see her around 1pm on wednesday. if i get there early i might get myself some bubble tea from a nearby store...

Thank you for joining us, @mikeywashere! Wishing you all the best.

[Breaking Dawn]

Not been doing really wonderful lately. Too many things keep happening. But so very grateful for our wonderful forums & all of you. Just wish I could find my stronger self, the way I almost was before.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by mikeywashere

therapy in a few days. not sure who's fronting. my head hurts a little... otherwise okay. i kind of miss our therapist, she's always been good to us. i'll see her around 1pm on wednesday. if i get there early i might get myself some bubble tea from a nearby store...

Thank you for joining mikeywashere

[lemonSys]

@mikeywashere

👋

Brand new ~month(?) ago.
Folks here kind.
Feelin like folks here gettin me.

Hopin you get what lookin for.

Welcome to here.

— lemonySys

[lemonSys]

@Breaking Dawn
Yeah

Ppl tell me breathe so I tellin you. Also they sayin eat. So I tellin you that too.

[ Easy to forget to do the stupid stuff, huh? ]

— lemonSys

[lemonSys]

Toats crazy.
Switchin lots.
Got someone new.
Passed her in the head-hallway.
She was talkin to T.

Hopin new year brings settle. Fast.

— lemonSys

or 🍋 Sys

or whatever

[Breaking Dawn]

I went out yesterday to do a little shopping & it all went very well. I didn't do another goal that is very important to me, so I have to work on that.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn Congrats! I know how that can be at times.

[cool09]

How do you know when you have an identity disorder? I had a depersonalization disorder when I was younger. Felt really detached from myself and felt "unreal". I feel like I am different in different situations, like I don't feel exactly like myself.

[Breaking Dawn]

Hi, @cool09! Thank you very much for posting here. This is the kind of conversation that I need. I experience all of those things you described. I don't know what is the official diagnostic qualification for identity disorder. But at various times I'm pretty sure I have one. I sometimes ask myself, who am I, or what am I.

[cool09]

Most of my life I find myself in situations where I don't feel like myself. It's horrible.

[stahrgeyzer]

Everything was a nightmare in hell for this body but the other day I woke up a completely different person and have been feeling very good. If I could stay here things would be great for this body but it never happens and some of us are getting dreadfully tired of switching. This time the change was so drastic that it was laughable. I have all the memories but often wonder if it would be better to not remember the memories of the previous people because they're usually so painful and it's not just the memories but the deep sinking feelings of helplessness and fear and worry and indescribable feelings like someone who was literally in hell. I feel terribly sorry for the person before me because they paced back and forth in a small dark room day and night for what feels like weeks in such pain as if they were waiting endlessly for an angel to save them. Well I guess maybe I am there angel. When I entered this body I could feel that person sinking into darkness falling asleep finally at peace. I have the memories of this body but my own memories are at the tip of my tongue. I feel like my name is Ryan, and I came to save my very good friend. Rest in peace!

[Breaking Dawn]

I've been feeling sad a lot, also dizzy & dissociated, & scared because of various reasons. Part is probably due to the weather, I guess. I've been reading some encouraging, spiritual advice & it actually helped a little bit.

[stahrgeyzer]

@Breaking Dawn reading spiritual material can be wonderful. It's given us a lot of hope, made some of us feel not so alone. Suffering is no fun but it makes us stronger and better prepared for the big storms. It may be difficult to believe now but it is true. Remember all things will come to an end. That's the law of cycles.

[lemonSys]

Exhausted, mainly. Confused is a close second.

[lemonSys]

Hello 👋 @cool09

Originally Posted by cool09

How do you know when you have an identity disorder?

I’m not clear on the difference - if any - between an “identity” disorder and a “dissociative” disorder, so I don’t know how to answer your stated question.

When it comes to dissociative disorders, the (definitive) answer to “how do you know” is, unfortunately, “stupid/unhelpful” (so to speak) for many a person that wonders — you have to talk to a professional about your own experiences and go from there.

But, my personal opinion here, I think if yer asking the question - seriously considering it and not “exaggerating”or “lying” or whatever to yourself about how you experience things - it’s prolly an indication that yer somewhere “above normal” (whatever that may be) on the “disorder” continuum.

I had a depersonalization disorder when I was younger.

I think depersonalization disorder is a dissociative disorder - or at least an aspect of one of several “inclusionary criteria” for a dissociative disorder. I have no clue how that can change over the years - like does it “go away” as one ages or heals or whatever. Or is it a “once you are, you always are” kinda thing.

I spose this isn’t very helpful, really. This isn’t a “get a diagnosis” or a “yes I have/no I don’t have” kinda place.

But, if you want to share anything you’re feeling/experiencing in life - dissociative experiences in particular in this forum - folks here will comment/share anything they may have experienced or learned or whatever if they feel it relates. And, for me at least, that - community, understanding, other views, suggestions, knowing I’m not (always) crazy, support, etc - is what I needed more than a “definitive diagnosis”.

— lemonSys

[lemonSys]

@stahrgeyzer

Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer

…I have all the memories but often wonder if it would be better to not remember the memories of the previous people because they're usually so painful and it's not just the memories but the deep sinking feelings of helplessness and fear and worry and indescribable feelings like someone who was literally in hell. I feel terribly sorry for the person before me because they paced back and forth in a small dark room day and night for what feels like weeks in such pain as if they were waiting endlessly for an angel to save them.

😢 😢

Your words here could be my words, too. I’m sad you feel and experience this beyond icky-ouchy inky-darky stuff, too. Know you aren’t alone (that’s supposed to be comforting, but idk if it is or not).

Well I guess maybe I am their angel. When I entered this body I could feel that person sinking into darkness falling asleep finally at peace. I have the memories of this body but my own memories are at the tip of my tongue. I feel like my name is Ryan, and I came to save my very good friend. Rest in peace!

May I ask you about this? (I will ask, but If you don’t want to answer any of this for any reason that is entirely ok - your choice on what you share always.) Do you always feel like a new “incarnation” or “person” (not sure of a good word to use) when you switch? Or are there times you feel or know that the person/part you switch to has “been around” before once or twice or more?

Also, you caught me off guard when you said “I feel like my name is Ryan”. The past 7ish months a lot of stressful things started happening one after the other in my life culminating with my dad passing unexpectedly late August. There is a specific date I can point to and say that when I woke on that morning, I distinctly felt my old “self”- the one that is the first person all outsiders meet, the one “born to the body”, the “original host” - no longer existed; that (the present tense) I was now in her place. I knew that name was not my name, but didn’t know what my name was. Three days later, though, I dreamt I was unpacking some boxes in a new home. The boxes were mine. I recognized the objects. Then I pulled out my well-worn journal. I knew it was mine. But it said “Ryan” on the front, not “my name” that up until 3 days prior, had always existed. When I woke, I felt less lost- I now knew my name: Ryan. So yeah, you saying that definitely caught me by surprise. For what it’s worth, though, Ryan is a stronger person than the person that she “replaced/relieved/rescued”. I hope you find your Ryan is a stronger person for you, too.

— lemonSys