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stahrgeyzer
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#541
Today’s therapy. Kinda nervous. Last I remember I canceled therapy forever. And then the week before I also canceled therapy forever. So I’m afraid she’s getting tired of me canceling. Nothing feels right! It’s like I’ve never met my T before.
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Breaking Dawn
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#542
I've been going back in time.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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#543
My therapy today was the best ever! I've never felt so much love and care from anyone before. I was telling her about a post I made last week asking if someone ended their life would the police contact their therapist, and that two therapists replied saying No, that the police contact their nearest kin. T asked me why I wanted to know. I said I wanted to be certain you didn't find out because I don't want you to be hurt. She got emotional saying she would find out after looking into things, and then she said that makes her want to tear up and cry just thinking about it. And then I got emotional and couldn't talk for a moment. The whole therapy was wonderful. She tried so hard to give me the best care ever. I'm trying my best to heal and recover, and to never let her down.
I never knew therapy could be so beautiful and full of human compassion, care and love. I just care about her so much, words can never say. |
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stahrgeyzer
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#544
Feel like a lot of parts have integrated lately. That might explain why the body has felt foreign lately. For me it seems like when life gets extra painful that a lot of parts separate, and when life settles down the parts come together again.
That gives me hope. Total fusion integration is a real thing. There are a lot of people who once had DID that I've followed on youtube who no longer have it. I feel like that amazing event will happen for me one day, hopefully soon. |
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#545
But I think mine are alters.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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#546
Alters and parts are the same thing. I think academics refer to them as parts. My DID neuropsychologist always called them parts regardless if I called them alters. My trauma therapist will call them alters or parts depending on what I prefer.
Integration & fusion are part of DID. To be honest nobody can guarantee when it will happen. Some people invite it. Some don’t. |
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#547
I don't think my voices came from me, though. I think they are separate minds, either created by the brain, or they sprouted up by themselves, like some neurons due.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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stahrgeyzer
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#548
Maybe you could ask each of the voices how old they are or what their first memories are. Maybe they know some of the inner world history, if they ever seen two alters become one or if there was a split. I’ve had splits when I recalled early trauma. I think it was too much for the mind so some of the trauma split and became another alter.
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#549
I've asked them so many things & they claim that they don't know anything about their past, where they came from, where exactly they are located, etc.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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stahrgeyzer
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#550
It's not that uncommon for an alter to not remember much. Every system is different and valid.
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stahrgeyzer
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#551
I feel like I’ve traded suicidal planning & ideation for binge eating / starvation-exercising.
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stahrgeyzer
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#552
Not feeling so well but I haven't heard a single voice in days, and I've been off meds for long time now!
I feel so solid, like I'm a big rock, a very unusual feeling for me. It gives me the feeling that my present self is a lot of parts that have been mended together to form one person. Not sure if it's true for everyone, but all the people on youtube that I've followed who had DID achieved full fusion (no more DID) after they started seeking it and working hard on their mental health. That's what I've been doing. Bless those wonderful youtubers! |
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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#553
I'm kind of freaking out because once again I feel like a *completely* different person. Even the way I talk is different and I sound different. It even sounds like I'm a foreigner lol. How am I going to skype with my parents and others like this?
Besides that I guess things are ok. Except I woke up at 1:04pm. Crazy. |
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#554
Hi, stahrgeyzer, could you maybe impersonate (pretend to be) the self they know when you skype your parents & the others?
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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stahrgeyzer
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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#555
Hopefully it'll fade or snap out of it by then. Today was an extra therapy day so I tried hard to be myself but it sounded a bit strange.
On a positive note my T knew about the IFS model. She's not a certified IFS therapist but seems interested. She's reading a book that's a slightly modified version of IFS mixed with something else. That makes me happy she's open to it. Therapy was awesome today. She took me into a meditative state with my eye closed, had me visualize a meeting room with a desk and chairs and asked parts to come in and have a seat. She asked for my Self (see IFS terminology) to be seated across from me. A lot of parts participated, but most did not. Therapy felt so healing today. IFS seems so promising. IFS with DID? |
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#556
Good, stahrgeyzer. I'm glad. I hope I can find a T like yours who understands.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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Magnate
stahrgeyzer
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#557
I wish more people would post in the DID check-in thread. Most of the time it's so lonely here.
I'm feeling so dissociated that I can't even watch a short youtube video. |
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#558
I feel the same way!
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Taylor27
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#559
It's been a very long time since I have checked in here. This year has been very hard I lost many good friends by passing away. They where all close to me and finding out has been difficult. My therapist got covid19 in April so she was unable to see me for 3 months. last month I got very ill from a bad sun burn and the vaccine. Slowly im getting better and feel really depressed. I find it's very hard to be motivated.
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Breaking Dawn
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#560
I'm so sorry, @Cheryl27, for all that you've been going through & for losing people who meant a lot to you. Sending wishes filled with healing energy for your sad heart.
__________________ "Every moment is a fresh beginning." (T. S. Eliot) "Problems are not stop signs, they are guidelines."(Robert H. Schiuller) * * * * * * |
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