just a thread to rant and to get out what we need to say at any given time.

we all have those horrible feelings towards our families lets not keep them bottled up anymore.. let's share

**** you mom

[TishaBuv]

There’s a lack of empathy in my family. Because I needed it, I was damaged. But they just had none to give. You can’t put thoughts in someone’s head. I perplexes me as to why a group of people would lack empathy to the point I think it’s way beyond the norm. It’s definitely way beyond the way I see people treat others IRL or in media. I wish this hadn’t bothered me so much. I suffered great emotional damage. It may not have been their intentional abuse (which is questionable), rather they simply didn’t have the capacity to give.

[RoxanneToto]

I wish my grandparents hadn’t harassed me over religion as a teenager. I was never interested and they tried (but failed) to make me feel like I was a criminal because of it. Also, my grandad made me feel humiliated on quite a few occasions, which amused him (of course, I was “over sensitive” because I didn’t like it).
Dad - you’re nasty minded and can be vindictive when you’re drunk, which is too much of the time. We shouldn’t have to worry about what’s going to happen, if you’re going to collapse on the floor or “lose” something when you’re out or home alone. You have more disasters (real and fabricated) than the Titanic would if it were sailing on Groundhog Day.

[Alatea]

Originally Posted by raging vortex

just a thread to rant and to get out what we need to say at any given time.

we all have those horrible feelings towards our families lets not keep them bottled up anymore.. let's share

**** you mom

Hey raging vortex, tnx for starting this thread!
I am sorry for all the hurt you have been through.

For the people who dared to call themselves my parents:

**** you, for your violence, envy, hatred, physical, sexual, emotional and cognitive abuse that I suffered in your hands.

I am not what your behavior towards me suggested that I am. My self-worth is not and will never again be based on what I have been led to believe that I am. **** your lies and manipulation. My life is so much better without you in it.

[Fuzzybear]

**** you. I wish I could ''just move on'' from your utter lack of empathy and all the other crap you piled on top of me ... OUCH

and again... **** you



Thank you for your vile venemous words and for your sadistic abuse your VILE step maternal unit, not quite human. **** you and I could say so much more.

Deleted



**** YOU

[Amyjay]

Gah. So much to say. Thanks for starting this thread, RagingVortex.

Stuff is spinning around at the moment. I am facing pressure by them currently, and I am reacting to it in multiple different ways. (Ha! - see what I did there!)




No doubt I will return to this thread many times.

Originally Posted by Alatea

Hey raging vortex, tnx for starting this thread!
I am sorry for all the hurt you have been through.

For the people who dared to call themselves my parents:

**** you, for your violence, envy, hatred, physical, sexual, emotional and cognitive abuse that I suffered in your hands.

I am not what your behavior towards me suggested that I am. My self-worth is not and will never again be based on what I have been led to believe that I am. **** your lies and manipulation. My life is so much better without you in it.

glad you like the thread. I was sort of encouraged to start it, and I'm glad I did..

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I wish my grandparents hadn’t harassed me over religion as a teenager. I was never interested and they tried (but failed) to make me feel like I was a criminal because of it. Also, my grandad made me feel humiliated on quite a few occasions, which amused him (of course, I was “over sensitive” because I didn’t like it).
Dad - you’re nasty minded and can be vindictive when you’re drunk, which is too much of the time. We shouldn’t have to worry about what’s going to happen, if you’re going to collapse on the floor or “lose” something when you’re out or home alone. You have more disasters (real and fabricated) than the Titanic would if it were sailing on Groundhog Day.

for me it was the other way round.
I am religious, (or wanted to be), but my parents wouldn't allow it- and would think it wrong (they would destroy anything connected with it, so cds, bibles, everything)

now I'm away from them I can believe what I want, but as a child, not entitled to my own beliefs..... yep. it was hard

I'm pretty sure a lot of it was like.. well, if their's a higher power, they wouldn't have given us such a ****ed up little brat.

I mean they could never accept the whole mental health thing, even when it was written in front of them

[TishaBuv]

“not entitled to my own beliefs”
^this is a lot of what I experienced too— invalidation

[Amyjay]

As we continue to heal and are increasingly able to accept our abuse (speaking from the point of view of ANP front alters here, who were largely unaware of it all growing up) we are coming up against having to accept all the things we have lost (or should I say - never had).
All the abusive stuff is one thing.
But then there is also all the stuff that there isn't...

There isn't a loving family to fall back on.
There is nobody who has "got my back".
There was never a sense of safety. I still don't know how to feel safe with a human being.
There was never a mom. Never cuddles. Never hugs. Never kindness.
There were no kindred siblings. Only siblings who were abused and also perpetrated abuse.
There was never love.
There was never care.
There was never happiness.

Okay, so its Thanksgiving in the US. I will give thanks for what I did have.

I am thankful for being fed every day throughout my childhood.

Originally Posted by Amyjay

As we continue to heal and are increasingly able to accept our abuse (speaking from the point of view of ANP front alters here, who were largely unaware of it all growing up) we are coming up against having to accept all the things we have lost (or should I say - never had).
All the abusive stuff is one thing.
But then there is also all the stuff that there isn't...

There isn't a loving family to fall back on.
There is nobody who has "got my back".
There was never a sense of safety. I still don't know how to feel safe with a human being.
There was never a mom. Never cuddles. Never hugs. Never kindness.
There were no kindred siblings. Only siblings who were abused and also perpetrated abuse.
There was never love.
There was never care.
There was never happiness.

Okay, so its Thanksgiving in the US. I will give thanks for what I did have.

I am thankful for being fed every day throughout my childhood.

amyjay, great post

for me, the thing I never had was a proper childhood- you know going outside, playing with other kids, playing in a soft play area, being able to run around the garden with a water gun squirting the other kids.. at my age now, it looks weird

I mean their are some things (childhood things) I can do, like for example go on the swings at my local park

but it's weird.. you get weird looks- you're a fully grown woman and you're acting like you're 4

well: maybe that's because I never got to act 4 in the first place even when I was ****ing 4, so yeah.. part of me just says **** it, I do what I want, and part of me's like yeah, well, it is strange. those times have been and gone without me..

[Alatea]

So, my mother called today. I didn’t answer. The last communication was in August, when she sent me a message that she loves me, and I elaborated why that was not true. I wrote: “If that were true, I would not go through the hell that my childhood was, and you would not be ruthlessly harassing me with your hostility my whole adult life, without a shred of compassion. You burdened me with responsibility for your happiness, but your sense of emptiness has nothing to do with me. That love of yours was always just an excuse to do whatever you like. To throw a tantrum if I don’t call, to be bothered by my choices, to insult me, after all, whenever things were not to your liking. After a lifetime of being treated that way, that “I love you” has no weight whatsoever, because I paid for it dearly on the deepest human level, that no one can ever compensate.”
I mean every word that I wrote. And still, I was all but shaking when I’ve seen her identification on the phone screen.

Originally Posted by Alatea

So, my mother called today. I didn’t answer. The last communication was in August, when she sent me a message that she loves me, and I elaborated why that was not true. I wrote: “If that were true, I would not go through the hell that my childhood was, and you would not be ruthlessly harassing me with your hostility my whole adult life, without a shred of compassion. You burdened me with responsibility for your happiness, but your sense of emptiness has nothing to do with me. That love of yours was always just an excuse to do whatever you like. To throw a tantrum if I don’t call, to be bothered by my choices, to insult me, after all, whenever things were not to your liking. After a lifetime of being treated that way, that “I love you” has no weight whatsoever, because I paid for it dearly on the deepest human level, that no one can ever compensate.”
I mean every word that I wrote. And still, I was all but shaking when I’ve seen her identification on the phone screen.

I recently black listed my mothers 50th phone number (she uses fake phones to try to reach me)

she emailed me maybe once after I blocked her number, to give me a whole list of threats, but I didn't even reply- not worth it

You were supposed to protect me, you were supposed to be there for me. You all failed me.

You told me that a liar is the worst thing in the world and then you became that, many of you became that. Why would I care about lying at all myself when everyone makes **** up constantly and tells lies about each other.

And yet you spurn and spite the girl I met that turned me around, that brought me to light that I could be ME and I didn't have to be what you expected of me, I didn't have to be what you were making me into. I could choose for myself who to be.

And because you did my head in so deep it's taken so long for me to find my path but damn you all I found it in spite of you. And I'll keep doing it regardless of your presence, support, and acceptance.

I wish we could have talked more, I wish I could have heard you apologize. I wish you could have shown me what it looks like to apologize with grace and maturity... I had to teach myself.

You did not do your duty of care for my psychological well-being.

I'm mad at you.

Originally Posted by Multiplicitus

You were supposed to protect me, you were supposed to be there for me. You all failed me.

You told me that a liar is the worst thing in the world and then you became that, many of you became that. Why would I care about lying at all myself when everyone makes **** up constantly and tells lies about each other.

And yet you spurn and spite the girl I met that turned me around, that brought me to light that I could be ME and I didn't have to be what you expected of me, I didn't have to be what you were making me into. I could choose for myself who to be.

And because you did my head in so deep it's taken so long for me to find my path but damn you all I found it in spite of you. And I'll keep doing it regardless of your presence, support, and acceptance.

I wish we could have talked more, I wish I could have heard you apologize. I wish you could have shown me what it looks like to apologize with grace and maturity... I had to teach myself.

You did not do your duty of care for my psychological well-being.

I'm mad at you.

(((((hugs))))

[*Beth*]

It's too exhausting to think of it all, then type it out. But thank you for this important thread, rv

[Fuzzybear]

I don't want to say what I was thinking just now about that ''family'' member

Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr