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Rive1976
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Default Dec 07, 2020 at 08:41 PM
  #1
As you may know I was diagnosed DID by two therapists. The only one that matters to me has taken it away. I reluctantly told my pdoc about the chatter in my head and he thinks I have depersonalization. I have felt emotionally numb for a very long time, I sometimes believe I may be dead when I am not. I just think hmm thats a possibility, I let it go and it comes back every now and then. Caffeine makes the chatter worse. I always have thoughts like Am I going crazy? What if this is schizophrenia (I've been told it isn't by my therapist and pdoc) I dont dissociate except on rare occasion in therapy if I'm triggered. I never have amnesia which is why DID was taken back. I think a lot about what these thoughts (chatter) mean. They dont have a voices quality to them just feel like thats not from me. I think a lot about where they come from. I never feel like I'm in a dream, my body is not me or I'm looking through a fog etc. So how can he even suggest that diagnosis? Internet self tests say that I dont have that disorder at all. Not that I am low risk but not at all. Im getting so tired of people guessing with me. They went to school for this stuff. They say everyone is different so its not like there is a textbook. I get it, but I'm tired. I thought about changing therapists but this isn't even a therapist. Its a psychiatric nurse practioner who prescribes me meds.
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Default Dec 08, 2020 at 07:17 AM
  #2
Hi Rive1976, I am sorry that you cannot get the concrete answer that you hope for from health care professionals. I understand that you want to know what exactly is going on with you, so that you can deal better with it. I, however, came to a realization that I do not need to know the exact dx (I do know it is on dissociation spectrum, and is due to trauma), as long as the therapy is working for me. It is a whole different story if it is not working for you, and you suspect you are not making progress due to a wrong dx...I hope you will be able to reach it, and that it will help explain the chatter that you experience. Take care! A.
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Default Jan 25, 2021 at 06:02 AM
  #3
Yeah, the thing is that there's a LOT to study in psychology school. In the USA a Master's Degree in Psychology does NOT require a course in trauma and it's impact on mental health. Unless they do their own research and pursue the training and education related to dissociative trauma the most many get is just a paragraph on DID.

That being said I have 2 things I could recommend that might help you feel more at ease with your experience regardless of the diagnosis.

Eleanor Longden's TED Talk on 'hearing voices' available on youtube - whether the chatter is psychosis or dissociative parts, I find she has helpful advice.
The Body Keeps The Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, available in paper-back, and 8hrs of audio book on youtube as well - This book focuses on how trauma impacts the body and mind and goes very deep on it and includes information about the benefits and drawbacks of various treatments.
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Default Jan 25, 2021 at 09:41 AM
  #4
They may of gone to school but they have no idea what it feels like to deal with this. Hugs
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