Understand your in 2020 or Understand your nervous systems response?

Been reading a lot about the nervous system: the basics that all parts of the autonomic nervous system have to be online. Think of it as a home. The dorsal vagal system runs "basic utilities" of the home. Keeps in continually working in the background. When there is a glitch we pay attention. Without the influence of the ventral vagal system the basic utilities run the empty house, and no one is home, or if we are home, the environment is one that brings no comfort. Everything is turned down to the lowest setting possible. The sympathetic branch is like the alarm system of the home and reacts to emergencies. Without it we are in an alarming state all the time. We need the vagal system to be in a rest and calm state. This is taken from the book "The Polyvagal Theory in Therapy by Deb Dana.

For me finally understanding my nervous system has given me the perspective of being less critical of myself that I react the way I do. Now its a matter of reminding myself in moments that I have reacted to remember I am not in the past but 2020 as an adult. Having this info is helping me realize that I am NOT in control of how I respond, even if it seems like it.

Very interesting to learn all this.....Thought of sharing...Have a wonderful holiday season!!

Yeah... I really agree with this. At the moment in therapy we are doing a lot of "observing". We talk, we stumble across triggers, and we are "observing" our own responses. We are learning to observe when a protector steps in to protect one or another alter from something, and we observe that we don't have control over that. We observe switches, we observe triggers, we observe and we watch and we learn.
It seems for us that observing what happens helps us to see that the trauma responses really are ingrained and are not "put on" or pretend or just us being pathetic or useless or anything else. They just ARE.
And, they ARE because of WHAT WAS.
All interesting stuff to think about.

I agree, the trauma responses just ARE.
Because of what WAS.

and however many times these are judged, internally or externally, those judgments do not alter that TRUTH.

I am not currently having much success in communicating with my husband...or some others either.....due to trauma responses and what WAS.

I have had to try to learn this (in the other two posts) without the assistance of ''professionals'' in this forest. I am continuing to try to ''grow'' without any of their ''assistance'' (irl)

Interesting posts. thanks!

Respect

though I do continue to struggle with the automatic responses, and cleaning up after, when i realize it was a reaction and not a reponse. ( I think of Reaction as automatic, no thought, while a response is thought out)
For example: When I was in the military, my Sgt, had decided to transfer me to another company. The commander (whom was like a friend to me) had walked me over to meet my new Commander. While walking over, I started crying, I had no idea why and even was getting upset with myself for having tears and not acting my early 20 something age I was. I was embarrased that the two commanders had to see me like this, and I was worried I was goint to get in trouble some how. I even told myself to quite crying, and it was impossible. It was so automatic. It was the feeling and or act of being abandoned by the commander, it was such a familiar feeling, but I was so confused because I did not believe I was ever abandoned. I was adopted at age 3 months and now believe I remember it in a sense of feelngs and or sensations. I know that having had therapists, friends, teachers and anyone that had to move on due to circumstances, that feeling and sensation was brought right back. I would get depressed and cry like a baby calling for their mom. I understand now, but even being in my 40's now, I have still experienced it when the pandemic caused us to move from in person to virutal sessions with my therapist. It takes over and I was not in a good place for about a month even though I was seeing her weekly virutal. Then it was worse when insurance issue started and now I see her monthly until it gets straightend out. I was really bad for about a month. And I go through the same thing every month after seeing her. It has gotten slightly better, but I feel myself going to a bad place, and know it will be for about a week or 2. I now try to be more undersanding to myself and to do more self care. It's hard to think that there is a part of me that is still highly affected by abandoment issues at 46.

However, these responses for me are not always so cut and dry. I am trying to work more on a continuous grounding myself daily. Lately it seems I feel more apathetic and so the grounding work is not helpful. Feeling more robotic vs alive and real.