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Member Since Aug 2018
Location: Nowheresville
Posts: 233
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#1
I thought this was kind of interesting so I thought I'd share. So I've been dissociating since before I can remember. I don't have any specific memories of it from when I was younger but I know I've done it since I was little, depersonalization and derealization included. I never told anyone about it then because I didn't know there was a word for it and I didn't know how to describe it. But the derealization made me thing everyone around me didn't exist, so my child brain assumed the world around me and everyone in it was a figment of my imagination, I went for I don't even know how long thinking the entire world was imaginary. Yeah I was an odd child.
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*Beth*, Alatea, Anonymous49502, Breaking Dawn, Fuzzybear, MtnTime2896, ReveuseTroublee, stahrgeyzer, Taylor27
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ReveuseTroublee
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Junior Member
Member Since Dec 2019
Location: Somewhere
Posts: 18
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#2
The first memory I have have was my dad asking me what I wanted for my birthday and me being very confused why he was asking that because from my perspective we just celebrated my birthday the week before. I didn't realize it at the time but I later figured out that other alters must of been fronting during that time causing me to lose almost and entire year between two of my birthdays.
There's also the fact that my earliest memory in life is waking up early in the morning. My older brother was getting ready for school, I was still too young and hadn't started school yet. But even at the time I had zero memory of anything before that and I didn't think the world existed before that moment. I actually thought myself and the entire world came into existence in that moment. What makes it even weirder is I knew who was my family was, I knew were I was despite at the same time feeling like it was the first time I was ever there, and it was the first time I met my dad and my brother... my mother was still asleep but I also knew she existed and who she was before I actually saw her even though I was sure I never seen her before. I never quested "Where do babies come from?" Because I just figures everyone came into the world in a specific age and role all at the same time. I thought that was normal where everyone just appeared in the world already knowing things about their lives but not knowing why they knew things because nothing existed before that. It makes absolutely no sense and trying to explain it hurts my brain but for a long time I thought everyone had that experience and would understand what I meant but no one understood what I was talking about. The best way I can describe it is it was like loading into a video game. I had some details on my character's back story like from a user manual but no specific information cause the story didn't start till I spawned in. Maybe someone here will understand what I mean as it's so hard to try to explain to someone who hasn't experienced this before. The OP's description sounds kinda similar to what I'm trying to describe but not exactly. |
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*Beth*, Alatea, Breaking Dawn, MtnTime2896, rise13eyond, stahrgeyzer
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Breaking Dawn, MtnTime2896, rise13eyond
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#3
In highschool I was pretty convinced that the world was a virtual reality simulation. Having excessively vivid dreams didn't help! haha. Thank you for sharing your experience.
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Breaking Dawn, rise13eyond, stahrgeyzer
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rise13eyond
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Magnate
Member Since Feb 2018
Location: literally hell
Posts: 2,357
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#4
Interesting topic. In childhood I always thought the world changed when I changed, making me think reality was not so real. At age 12 I was walking down the blvd going home and suddenly I woke up. It something I've tried to figure out my entire life because every memory before 12 seems like a dream, as if the "real" me was born at age 12. I've asked lot of people if they had this experience or knew what it was. Everyone probably thought I'm crazy. Since learning I have DID it makes more sense. In adulthood life seems like a lucid dream or being awake in a dream. The idea we live in a simulation is also a possibility. It can make life more interesting and adventurous.
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Breaking Dawn, rise13eyond
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Breaking Dawn, rise13eyond
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#5
The first memory I have of derealization was when I was 8. I had just left my house and was walking to school. Since then, it only became more prevalent. By my late-20's the world seemed like I was watching a movie all the time. That has remained, and now I'm 58.
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Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: France
Posts: 154
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#6
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I also remember asking my parents if they were my parents around that age and not believing them when they said yes. I always thought I was just day-dreaming around the time I was in school and just had a vivid imagination, just a little more than others but still normal, I really can't tell. It is odd to think about these things. But I think to a certain degree it is normal I thought? It felt comfortable and safe. I really can't tell. I don't know life any differently. Being able to have access to my memories, to not having any access at all. Now it is only scary really because of BPD and the self-harm urges and suicidal ideation... Losing control, time, things like that which are more annoying as an adult. I don't know organizing my thoughts and telling this happened then are difficult in general. For me it always feels like a lot less time has passed. |
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Grand Member
Member Since Jan 2021
Location: On a raindrop far, far away
Posts: 871
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#7
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