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MoxieDoxie
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Default Sep 23, 2021 at 08:03 PM
  #1
Anyone’s Therapist using IFS with them?

Are you able to access your other parts when you ask them a question like what their fear is if they were not able to do their job or is their anything they need right now?

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Sep 23, 2021 at 09:21 PM
  #2
I don't know much about IFS so I googled it just now. This amazing video came up.

Dr. Richard Schwartz explains Internal Family Systems (IFS) - YouTube

What he says about everyone having parts is what my trauma therapist says.

I haven't heard from my parts in a few days but just asked them what their fear is if they aren't able to do their job. One of them answered saying they fear being alone if they don't do their job. The other question, is their anything you need right now. The part said, Love.
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Default Sep 23, 2021 at 09:40 PM
  #3
I found this article on wikipedia.

Internal Family Systems Model - Wikipedia
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Default Sep 24, 2021 at 05:03 AM
  #4
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Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post
I haven't heard from my parts in a few days but just asked them what their fear is if they aren't able to do their job. One of them answered saying they fear being alone if they don't do their job. The other question, is their anything you need right now. The part said, Love.
Wow that is amazing you get answers like that. My therapist does his own IFS therapy with an IFS Therapist and he says he asks his parts questions and he gets a clear cut answer back. Im like.... REALLY?? I must be so disconnected to my parts. Sometimes I will get a word that flashes in my head or images with fly by real fast and I can not grasp on to them. He is not sure why I am having such a hard time with communicating with parts. I am frustrated and I am sure he is too.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Sep 24, 2021 at 12:29 PM
  #5
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Originally Posted by MoxieDoxie View Post
Wow that is amazing you get answers like that. My therapist does his own IFS therapy with an IFS Therapist and he says he asks his parts questions and he gets a clear cut answer back. Im like.... REALLY?? I must be so disconnected to my parts. Sometimes I will get a word that flashes in my head or images with fly by real fast and I can not grasp on to them. He is not sure why I am having such a hard time with communicating with parts. I am frustrated and I am sure he is too.
maybe some background will help moxie...
I have been doing IFS with my therapist for many many years now. the way my therapist and I began with it was to work on .........non dissociative parts .......... first.

in IFS dissociative parts are called exiles. aka parts that have been pushed away, dissociated trauma filled parts.

we first worked on learning the vocabulary important to IFS and learning what parts are and how they are formed...

.........in IFS....... parts are - our feelings, emotions, memories, thoughts, images, body sensations.

My therapist and I begin with doing a favorite meditation /body scan.

then check to see if I am just in what we call self mode... feeling only the 8 C's (compassion for myself, calm, courageous, connected to my body, caring about myself, my mind is clear not worried or distracted, creative)

After making sure I am in self mode, not reacting from a part (anger, worried, upset) my therapist asks me to "ask inside" if any parts want to talk.

then I pay attention and notice any parts aka... emotions, thoughts, images, feelings, body sensations.

Right now I feel the part (emotion) of being stressed.

while my eyes are still closed I ask that part of me (my emotion of being stressed) what they look like then I sit quietly and let the thoughts, feelings emotions, images come to me,

I dont switch into actually being that part of me. it would do no good for me to leave self mode and start reacting as "stressed out". In IFS you never switch into actually being that part. you either speak for that part. or you speak as that part, by as that part its a put yourself in the shoes of another, not an actual switch into. like when you are talking with a friend and you say if that was me I would.... in IFS you never switch into actually becoming a part reacting as a part... its a therapy where one stays grounded in self while at the same time letting the parts come to you. you say what the parts are telling you from either your point of view or using the parts wording but never switch into being that part.

I remain grounded in self mode and let "stress" talk to me by way of any thoughts, images and so forth that come up.

when listening for what the feeling of stress is telling me the image of holding a heavy ball comes to mind, now I know what the feeling of stress looks like.

I thank the stressful part of me for sharing that image. then ask the stressful part of me where in my body they are. in other words I notice where in my body I am feeling the heavy ball feeling. in my shoulders.

ok now I know what stress looks like in my body and where its located, now to find out what stress whats me to know. I ask inside "thank you for sharing with me, can you tell me what you need or want me to know"

the image of a favorite beach comes to mind.

ok I understand stress you need a vacation. some down time. right now its not possible for a nice long vacation at the beach, how about a BBQ with shish ka bobs for dinner and a few hours in the back yard pool with the family?

I feel my shoulders relax. good.

Thank you stress for talking to me today. please come talk with me again some time.

then I take a few deep breaths and open my eyes.

thats what IFS looks like with non exiles aka dissociative parts.

In IFS my treatment provider and I did not jump into working with exiles right away, we first learned the process, learned the vocabulary, learned what all the non dissociative parts are, ..........Before ..........doing any exile work.

then before we did any exile work we checked in with all the non exile parts to get permission to move forwards into working with the exiles (dissociative parts) if any part of me was not comfortable working with the exiles we did not work exiles that session.

eventually trust in the process, and knowledge of the process, and getting to know all the non dissociative parts of me, paved the way to working with the dissociative parts in other words the exiles.

doing IFS is not something you just one day do by jumping directly to the exiles aka dissociative parts. like with anything else you have to work the foundation first.

hope your journey through the IFS process brings you many happy surprising adventures into learning about all the different parts that make up who you are.

Edit to add....
theres more questions involved when working IFS. the questions involved with working exiles (dissociated parts) are the same as non dissociated parts and then others specifically related to working with exiles. but the above will give you a general idea of how to begin and how my treatment provider and I worked IFS together.

Last edited by amandalouise; Sep 24, 2021 at 02:04 PM..
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Default Sep 24, 2021 at 03:53 PM
  #6
Wow the both of you are so fortunate to have therapists who know IFS. I emailed my T with a link to the wikipedia article. I would love for her to learn IFS but I don't feel comfortable asking her to do that.

The IFS website has a directory of IFS therapist.

IFS Directory | IFS Institute

There are a lot in my area but only one who covers my insurance. She's level one IFS. Not sure what that means but some Ts are level two, some are level 3. Anyway I don't want to leave my T. I wonder if it's okay to go to two therapists, my trauma T and an IFS T.

Another option is to read the IFS book and practice on myself.


MoxieDoxie, is it possible that a Manager part is blocking the other parts from communicating with you? In the DID community it's common for certain parts/alters to block other parts/alters. Some alters are in complete control of the system. A lot of my parts have said there are certain alters/parts who won't allow them to front. Certain parts say they are in control of the library of my early childhood memories. The IFS model seems to be in agreement that certain parts are controlling.
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Default Sep 24, 2021 at 06:47 PM
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Originally Posted by stahrgeyzer View Post

MoxieDoxie[/URL], is it possible that a Manager part is blocking the other parts from communicating with you? In the DID community it's common for certain parts/alters to block other parts/alters. Some alters are in complete control of the system. A lot of my parts have said there are certain alters/parts who won't allow them to front. Certain parts say they are in control of the library of my early childhood memories. The IFS model seems to be in agreement that certain parts are controlling.
I just do not know. I just do not seem to have direct access to any parts. I just become the part and become filled with all their emotions. My little ones that are full of trauma cause me the most problems. I can only access them when I am them. I can not just talk to them and get answers when I am not them. IFS calls it being blended with the part. So if I am not blended with the part then I can not communicate with it.

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When a child’s emotional needs are not met and a child is repeatedly hurt and abused, this deeply and profoundly affects the child’s development. Wanting those unmet childhood needs in adulthood. Looking for safety, protection, being cherished and loved can often be normal unmet needs in childhood, and the survivor searches for these in other adults. This can be where survivors search for mother and father figures. Transference issues in counseling can occur and this is normal for childhood abuse survivors.
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Default Sep 25, 2021 at 01:06 AM
  #8
If anyone's searching for an IFS therapist there seems to be a lot more listed on psychologytoday rather than the IFS website. I found one therapist on IFS website who accepts my insurance, but on psychologytoday there are 4 pages of them.
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Default Sep 27, 2021 at 11:28 AM
  #9
my suggestion for anyone who is wanting to do or is looking for a therapist that does IFS is not to use online listings.

here in the USA a situation is happening right now where recently its been mandated that treatment providers have a deadline to get the covid vaccinations. its no longer a choice for treatment providers.

what that means is many treatment providers are right now trying to make the hard decision of whether to get the vaccine or no longer work as a treatment provider.

the listings for IFS online are not up to date. many on those lists are either retired, or gone out of business.

add to this the listings you find online related to a specific therapy technique are usually limited to either those treatment providers that went through the training at those businesses and have consented to have their name listed for the businesses advertising and so forth. they dont tell you whether that treatment provider on their listing is still practicing IFS, or have kept up with their certification updating and so forth. those listings also do not tell you whether the person on the listing has used IFS for the wrong reasons causing harm or any disciplinary problems. all those online lists are is when the treatment provider has consented to their name being on an online list.

here is how I found my IFS therapist..
I googled my local phone directory.
I wrote out a list or all mental health agencies in my location
then I spent time calling those places.
I asked ...
Do you have any treatment providers on staff that do IFS?
Are you accepting new patients?
If I decide to schedule with you what is the waiting list?

I had an IFS therapist with in a months time.
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Default Sep 29, 2021 at 12:41 AM
  #10
IFS needs to be modified for DID.

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Default Sep 29, 2021 at 02:58 AM
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IFS needs to be modified for DID.

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Yes I have heard that before but my therapist and I did not modify it and it worked very well for me and my DID.

IFS approaches treatment in a way that is already self led, so theres no reason to "modify it" the answers are all with in each persons own mind.

example...

IFS session begins with doing a meditation. any meditation that brings the one doing the process to being their self mode of feeling the 8 c's (creativity, clarity, caring, compassion, courage, calm, connection and curiosity)

Then after a person is in self mode they pick a trailhead or part to work on. the choice is their own to decide.

then while still in self mode the person works with the part and on the trailhead (problem / issue) that they want to work on.

the work being done is through a set of questions, answers are all individualized. no two people will have the same answers

session ends by thanking the parts for talking with the person doing the IFS process.

its already totally individualized, no modification is needed. and no modification was needed for me and my therapist.

IFS is a self therapy program and therapy technique. and as such theres no right or wrong answers.

there is a right and wrong way to do it, by that I mean you dont jump into doing it with exiles with out first doing the beginning work.

example I did not jump right in with my therapist working with an exile that held trauma memories with out first learning how to stay grounded in self mode. first I learned what self mode was and how to know when I was grounded in self mode. working with exiles came much much later after we did the IFS work with all the protectors, and obtained permission from the protectors to work with the exiles.

my therapist and I did not modify any of the process for my DID or other dissociative disorders that I had/ have. we didnt need to because IFS is already individualized kind of therapy.

we have a saying here where I live ... the answers are all with in yourself.

that saying applies to IFS. my doing IFS is automatically going to be different than my wife doing her IFS. why because she is not me and Im not her. her parts are going to be different than my parts are. what makes her react with emotions is going to be different than what makes me react with emotions.

the process is the same no matter what. but whats put into it (the trailheads aka problems to be worked on, parts to be worked on ) and out of it (solutions and work done) is different.

no modifications were needed for me and my therapist even though I had DID.
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Default Sep 29, 2021 at 05:22 PM
  #12
My trauma therapist uses a mixture of IFS and somatic therapy. I think that’s what it’s called. I have no idea about any of this, but our first “parts” session was amazingly helpful for me. Looking forward to more.
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Default Oct 22, 2021 at 11:13 PM
  #13
Some trauma T's can be trained to provide IFS, depending. My T has worked with DID in the past, and she was connected with the vet center, so I lucked out in being referred to her from the local VA Hospital. Where I used to live, there were no VA providers to help me with DID. My veteran friend who moved out of state as well found a DID therapist in a different state, but then had to move and then transferred to a T who is willing to learn to work with IFS and other options. It's possible trauma-informed therapists and trauma specialists can learn IFS to help out DID clients.

IFS is basically learning to communicate with different parts of self. It takes time. It takes patience. It takes having a really good rapport with your T to feel safe enough to open up that way. IFS is used for both DID and for those with Complex PTSD and dissociation. For those with DID, it helps us to be more co-conscious and less dissociative over time. For both DID and PTSD, IFS helps to bring past traumas to awareness by being able to learn more about our dissociated selves.

For DID, we have multiple parts of dissociated selves (at least two distinct selves).
For Complex PTSD with dissociation, they have dissociated the traumas, they may have an internal child part that holds childhood trauma memories and feelings, etc.
There's other variations to this, based on people with other dissociative disorders or comorbid PTSD with a dissociative disorder.

My T transitioned from the VA system into private practice. I still see her. We still use IFS to help me when I'm feeling "floaty" and dissociative, when I'm struggling with very strong emotions, when I'm scared, when I'm triggered, etc. Sometimes I feel something, and then I dissociate. I realize that there's another part who is really affected by a trigger, and who helps me and my system by being protective of that.

It's hard with DID because our systems are designed to dissociate automatically, to protect ourselves and our thoughts, and to be hidden from anyone knowing what we know and feel. So, essentially, IFS unpacks all that - only, we can still be ourselves and be safe. It takes a while to get in the place of being ourselves and being safe while coming out. It takes many baby steps.
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