[SprinkL3]

PTSD is too hard.

DID is easier.

We'd rather lose time and not know anything.

Can we return the clock and go back?

[Princess Zelda]

It’s still Annie out DID is hard but We agree PTSD would be harder thanks for this

-Annie

[SprinkL3]

Thank you, Annie!

[stahrgeyzer]

PTSD is/was horrifying for us. Last time we got PTSD was 1.5 years or so ago because we got too suicidal and our therapist called us while we were in the psych ward and said she's so sorry that she has to terminate us forever. She was our world, like a motherly figure. But anyhow after a year it finally started to fade enough to not be too painful. But even after 1.5 years if we start talking about my 1st T in therapy the tears will start. The only thing good about PTSD, it can fade.

When my last PTSD was horrible I used to love dissociation and would ask/beg if anyone in the system would please take over being host and let me just live in the black void inside. Sometimes dissociation can cause panics though. Not even knowing who and where you are.

[Princess Zelda]

I actually had a bad dream last night Annie dosnt know much about our ptsd i and sometimes get flashbacks which are hard too

-Zelda

[SprinkL3]

Thank you guys - thank all of you! What you say really helps. I'm sorry if it brought up painful memories. I've been really hurt by being terminated from a pastoral counselor. I honestly thought that she and God would heal me completely. After nearly a decade of trying, I couldn't. I was suicidal all the time, and I just couldn't conform to the conservative Christian way. She first stopped being my pastoral counselor. She continued to see other trauma survivors in individual counseling at the church. She excluded me from the groups they had. And then, when I dated a woman at the time, I was kicked out of the church. It's not the same as a therapist, but it felt very much like it because she was my therapist for about a year before she stopped. She just wasn't a licensed therapist; she was a pastoral counselor. To me, there was no distinction. So all that hurt deeply.

I love the study of theology! I don't like organized religion. I love exploring all possibilities of God, including atheist ones. I love truth. I love the exploration of truth. But most people don't get me - except, surprisingly, my professors at a Jesuit university. They completely understood me, though they would disagree based on their own stance. But the other professors who were not Catholic would completely find my stances interesting. They were very encouraging.

Anyway, I was at a different kind of non-denominational Christian church with the pastoral counselor who hurt me deeply. I left the state, I was so hurt. I never returned, and I never will. That was the most painful time of my life. And, I was judged for so many things, including my being homeless (which everyone thought was because of my sin).

I have a lot of spiritual traumas, according to a real licensed therapist I had, who saw me every day when I was inpatient at a facility. I learned how to heal spiritually there, and I learned about my dissociation, my traumas, and more.

But managing my dissociation meant being more aware of my traumas. It's so painful. I want to run away most days. It's not like I can stop it now though. I tried. I can't.

Anyway, it helps to know that I'm not the only one who struggles this way.

Thank you all!

[Princess Zelda]

We understand you We can’t stop either We are sorry about the church We do take meds for my nightmares which is a ptsd medicine dose help a lot but It just comes and goes dissociation is hard and traumas keep strong it’s still Zelda

-Zelda

[SprinkL3]

I feel really bad about us all struggling in these ways. I wish we didn't struggle like this.

I'm glad that we all find different things that help us.