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SprinkL3
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#1
Derealization:
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SprinkL3
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#2
As a trauma survivor with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) and complex/chronic PTSD as well as Continuous Traumatic Stress Disorder (CTSD), I struggle with depersonalization (feeling out-of-body experiences; feeling disconnected and numb from my body called "Polly," a fragmented alter) and derealization (feeling like the world isn't real-looking, like things look blurry or foggy sometimes when I'm stressed and outside of my apartment, or even at times when I'm in my own apartment). Sometimes I feel both depersonalization and derealization at the same time, especially with the complexities of ongoing/continuous traumatic stress (racial traumas, ongoing pandemic traumas, neighborhood violence issues), my symptoms of complex post-traumatic stress disorder worsening (experiencing child maltreatment, military sexual trauma, and adulthood traumas that lead to my intrusive thoughts, flashbacks, nightmares, panic attacks, fight-flight-freeze responses, avoidance issues, etc.), and DID symptoms (switching, losing some time, having internal conversations while utilizing IFS coping, having an inside world to retreat to when the outside world is too much), etc.
I try to use grounding techniques to stay in the here-and-now; to stay in reality; to feel more connected to the world and seeing how real the world still is, even if my perception is off; to feel safe amid an unsafe, potentially dangerous world; to feel present and coconscious with my alternate personalities (DID symptom). The grounding techniques I use include -finding safe things within my environment and focusing on those safe things, -journaling about the safe things so that I can remind myself that I'm in a safe place, -using IFS coping to speak with my alters about what's safe here and that we're not stuck in the past anymore, -using deep breathing at times when I'm panicked while experiencing depersonalization and/or derealization,, -emailing my T when I need to share my experiences and to feel connected still, -calling the Veterans Crisis line when I'm in need of talking with a real person to help me through these grounding techniques, -using my five senses to find things in my vicinity that are safe or comforting -self-care when taking care of my symptoms, such as taking a shower, distracting through cleaning my apartment, etc. -and moving around, such as walking, shaking my body, feeling my feet planted on the floor, using IFS coping to talk with "Polly," the body alter, about how we are real in this world still and can manage our symptoms together by remaining in communication with one another and being able to handle body challenges together, as a coconscious system. These techniques might not work for everyone, since I have complex disorders and many comorbidities, including physiological disorders. But I thought I'd share what I use to help me. I've struggled with these feelings for as long as I can remember. I had no idea that this was "abnormal," until things got so out of hand into my late-20s and early-30s. I'm now in my late-40s and using all the years of psychotherapy to help me cope and manage. |
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#3
I don't know if this counts as either derealization or depersonalization. But I have episodes where I feel like my consciousness is withdrawing, imploding, or perhaps collapsing in on itself... becoming hyper-focused on my own consciousness to the exclusion of everything and everyone else around me. It's sort-of like experiencing a mental black hole where my consciousness is being pulled down into itself while whatever, or whoever, happens to be around me sort-of forms an event horizon... it's there... but at a "safe" distance, if that makes any sense. It's an odd experience.
I haven't had much of this recently, at least not at as intense a level as it sometimes has been. But it was only a few months ago when it was occurring pretty-much daily. And, when it does occur, it tends to be around the dinner hour. So I began to think of it as, perhaps, a type of what is sometimes referred to as Sundown Syndrome. Actually though, as I think back, I can recall 1 or 2 times, decades ago when I was in college, when I had this type of experience as well. So I presume it has / had something to do with anxiety. Nowadays, when it does occur, I don't really do anything in particular to address it. Since it's an experience I'm familiar with I simply let it be and wait for it to subside, which it does. |
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SprinkL3
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#4
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It also sounds like introspection, too. You are very self-aware! |
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