Body or collection of parts?

I have always had difficulty thinking of my body or of having a body, which seemed gross. I actually feel really cringy and uncomfortable with the word. Growing up I remember learning that others seemed to naturally employ this concept of body. It seemed so weird and kinda gross they were all okay with that, and with the word, but I mostly avoided thinking about it. I was able to think about parts of myself at a time but they didn’t really exist in relationship or connection to other parts. Sometimes I felt connected to the parts but sometimes I would think, “these hands are doing what you asked” or “these feet are bringing me somewhere” (I often looked at my feet while walking). I once said to my MD, when he pressed me on it, “these hands will not hurt this body!” I was so mad at the time. I am dissociative sometimes. I fog out, float, disappear, feel disconnected and/or feel pretty drugged out without taking anything. I do not have alters. But for some reason thinking about other peoples’ young child alters makes me feel really sick and fuzzy. It’s actually getting hard to write now. I just wondered if others with dissociative disorders feel this way. I’ve literally never asked anyone about it.

Hi, wordshaker, I also dissociate & I don't think I have alters, but I have many voices plus various sounds & noises (airplanes, musical instruments, garbage truck, etc.). About the body, I think of it as an ecosystem of many systems. I feel love & gratitude for all the body parts. Unfortunately, the voices, at least the main ones, say they don't feel that way & that they don't care about the body. I could say more.

I have DID and have always felt the same way.

@Breaking Dawn @Jesla
Kind thanks for your helpful thoughts. 🙏🌈💛
I have a lot to learn. Just noticing and seeing my weird ways as actual symptoms is new to me.

If this helps, some of my alters are just feelings and only feelings, and yes that is a thing. I also have alters that completely manifested with age, name and image in vivid detail, it was quite startling when they started to show themselves during therapy. There are also alters that don't want to show themselves. I also have alters that can imitate other alters. My point is that DID is a huge spectrum and manifests differently for each of us. Have you talked to a psychiatrist or psychologist, and done the dissociation test called the MID 6.0. I wish you well!