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cool09
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Default Jun 08, 2022 at 06:28 PM
  #1
People diagnosed with DID have trouble integrating their memories, sense of identity, and aspects of consciousness into a unified whole.

I had dissociation in my teens, 20's and 30's and I have always struggled with my sense of identity after 13 years old. I've felt like I can't integrate my experience into one. I felt like a complete person before 13. I don't know if I have DID or not.

When I was at Johns Hopkins 2 yrs ago I spilled my guts to the doctors and told them that dissociation killed me and they didn't say a word. When I was Johns Hopkins 4 yrs ago I told the doctor about my depersonalization and she didn't say anything. No one has listened to me. I strongly feel that once you dissociate you're never the same.

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Last edited by cool09; Jun 08, 2022 at 07:03 PM..
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Default Jun 08, 2022 at 08:23 PM
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Hi @cool09 - I am sorry you feel unintegrated. I am not sure the analogy holds but I have found segments of myself that has been difficult to integrate in my self. I talk to some people suffering from DID and it is a difficult condition to diagnose and cope with.

One thing about the people I talk to with DID is they say they have amnesia, that they do not remember switching to parts or alters, but other people tell them about their unusual behavior.

Whatever we face to me the challenging question is how do I cope with my situation without it disrupting my life. There are no easy answers I have found. @CANDC

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Default Jun 11, 2022 at 06:09 AM
  #3
I'm sorry they didn't listen. That stinks.

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Default Jun 11, 2022 at 08:36 AM
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I felt like a mistake since I was a child, when I knew I wasn't supposed to be here. It was so easy to disappear into my private world. The problem now is my inner world isn't private like then, because the voices know everything I'm thinking. But I'm afraid to tell a therapist very much of how it is. Unless they have experienced the difficulties of dealing with two worlds, they can't understand. They use the label Delusional. The only escape I have from the inside world is dissociation, derealization, & depersonalization. I didn't invent these solutions. I think my subconscious (friend?, protector?) gave them to me.

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Default Jun 11, 2022 at 08:33 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Breaking Dawn View Post
I felt like a mistake since I was a child, when I knew I wasn't supposed to be here. It was so easy to disappear into my private world. The problem now is my inner world isn't private like then, because the voices know everything I'm thinking. But I'm afraid to tell a therapist very much of how it is. Unless they have experienced the difficulties of dealing with two worlds, they can't understand. They use the label Delusional. The only escape I have from the inside world is dissociation, derealization, & depersonalization. I didn't invent these solutions. I think my subconscious (friend?, protector?) gave them to me.
From what you describe I think the label ''delusional'' is wrong.

Some therapists will be understanding. Others (many?) maybe will not be. I wish I could advise on how to find a supportive, intelligent, compassionate, understanding, creative, flexible, safe, reliable (etc) therapist. who is also ''affordable'' ( I do not know..)

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Default Jun 11, 2022 at 08:37 PM
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I wish I knew too. So hard to find a good therapist.
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Default Jun 12, 2022 at 03:19 AM
  #7
If it isn't DID because you are missing criteria, look into osdd1.
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Default Jun 15, 2022 at 09:40 PM
  #8
I agree. Once we dissociate we're never the same. That's true for me, anyway.

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Default Jun 17, 2022 at 01:16 PM
  #9
My Gf has DID, and has more trouble than I can categorize. I've been with her and seen the reactions of so called "therapists" to what she describes. The most astounding reaction was, "My God, how are you even still alive.". The last therapist we went to had this to say to me in private: "You don't have to stay in this relationship.", I stopped her right there and went on to harangue her for about five minutes. I was escorted out of the building by security. Why do people always say "You don't have to stay." when we love these people and want to help them? I'm beyond caring what professionals have to say anymore.

Are "professionals" in this field uncaring, unfeeling monsters, or do they just not have a single clue what they are doing. I've read so many white papers, and research notes on DID that I feel like I know more than these so called "professionals", how can this be? I took abnormal psychology as an elective in college, and it is my opinion that DID is very much an individual experience, and varies from person to person, just like every other sort of mental illness that isn't organic. Yet, we have no solutions, and very little help from people in the field, why is this? My major was mechanical engineering, and I hold a masters, so solving problems, and designing solutions is what I used to do. But this, is beyond my skillset, and possibly beyond my understanding.

Everything I try to help her, seems to just shift the pain and heartache in another direction for her. I've found NO answers anywhere, and no helpful guidance.

I definitely understand how you feel, if John Hopkins can't help, or won't help, WHO CAN? Someone out there has some answers, why can't we find them?
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Default Jun 22, 2022 at 12:36 PM
  #10
Practice putting those thoughts and feelings together to form the unified self you are looking for. Maybe your voice was more important to the folks at the John Hopkins because there is so much to it to heal. Try to forgive them
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Thumbs up Nov 08, 2022 at 01:47 PM
  #11
Quote:
Originally Posted by WezLee View Post
My Gf has DID, and has more trouble than I can categorize. I've been with her and seen the reactions of so called "therapists" to what she describes. The most astounding reaction was, "My God, how are you even still alive.". The last therapist we went to had this to say to me in private: "You don't have to stay in this relationship.", I stopped her right there and went on to harangue her for about five minutes. I was escorted out of the building by security. Why do people always say "You don't have to stay." when we love these people and want to help them? I'm beyond caring what professionals have to say anymore.

Are "professionals" in this field uncaring, unfeeling monsters, or do they just not have a single clue what they are doing. I've read so many white papers, and research notes on DID that I feel like I know more than these so called "professionals", how can this be? I took abnormal psychology as an elective in college, and it is my opinion that DID is very much an individual experience, and varies from person to person, just like every other sort of mental illness that isn't organic. Yet, we have no solutions, and very little help from people in the field, why is this? My major was mechanical engineering, and I hold a masters, so solving problems, and designing solutions is what I used to do. But this, is beyond my skillset, and possibly beyond my understanding.
Thank you for sharing all of this. Your expressed sentiments are, unfortunately, commonly held by those with DDs - it is quite refreshing to hear this from someone without a DD. It gives me hope that maybe, some day, the “right” people will become aware of these issues and take actions that will implement ACTUAL, concrete change.

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Default Nov 12, 2022 at 04:43 PM
  #12
I also have not found ''professionals'' to be at all caring.

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