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Old 06-22-2022, 08:10 PM   #1
possum220
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I have not had any major dissociation for a number of years. Early May I had a major operation. I have been sent back to dissociation at times since this. Yesterday I saw my P'doc. I dissociated again. It seems like it is a short cut to stop me from feeling emotions. (Obviously) When I dissociate it also affects my body and I have muscle spasms and my voice changes. By the end of the appointment I was doubled over and couldnt stand up straight. I was put in another room by myself to settle. I cried for ages and had no idea why I was crying.

The solution? To try to feel feelings that appear for a second and are gone but my body pays the price. How can I stay with the feelings? I feel so odd. My P'doc recorded himself so I could see what was said yesterday. I could hear me in the background. It didnt sound normal at all. I need to feel not to shut down.
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Old 06-22-2022, 08:35 PM   #2
*Beth*
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Default Re: Where to now?

I wish I had an answer to your question, but I'm struggling with the same thing. Hopefully, someone comes a long with an idea or two.
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Old 06-23-2022, 03:22 AM   #3
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Me too *Beth*
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Old 06-23-2022, 11:16 AM   #4
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Quote:
Originally Posted by possum220 View Post
I have not had any major dissociation for a number of years. Early May I had a major operation. I have been sent back to dissociation at times since this. Yesterday I saw my P'doc. I dissociated again. It seems like it is a short cut to stop me from feeling emotions. (Obviously) When I dissociate it also affects my body and I have muscle spasms and my voice changes. By the end of the appointment I was doubled over and couldnt stand up straight. I was put in another room by myself to settle. I cried for ages and had no idea why I was crying.

The solution? To try to feel feelings that appear for a second and are gone but my body pays the price. How can I stay with the feelings? I feel so odd. My P'doc recorded himself so I could see what was said yesterday. I could hear me in the background. It didnt sound normal at all. I need to feel not to shut down.
how to stay grounded is an individual thing. Only you know what you need to do in order to not shut down.

Tips I use to ground myself and figure out things -

locate the trigger. once I know what the trigger was I know what I need to do to protect myself from that trigger.

I keep in mind that muscle spasms are a physical health problem not a mental health problem, sometimes my mental problems can "aggravate" my physical health problems, which in me is treated with muscle relaxers and over the counter pain killers.

when my mental issues cause my muscles to become tight and spasming my psychiatrist has me take some deep breaths, and physically move around to loosen the muscles and contact my physical health doctor for medication adjustments.

My dissociative mobility problems are ....not..... what my treatment provider would call "aggressive and exaggerated", they are things like minor finger movements barely noticeable, or a toe twitch thats barely noticeable, or a facial tic thats barely noticeable. My visual perception when dissociated may be off so it affects how I reach and pick up things at times. but even with the dissociation affected mobility problems I continue to engage with my therapist.

Even back before integration, when my diagnosis was DID I did not do the things you see on popular tv, movies, or you tube clips with exaggerated/ aggressive movements like spasms, crawling under furniture, climbing walls and all that stuff. even at my worse dissociative disorder I continued engaging in the therapy session, so much so that some of the time my treatment providers did not realize my mind has switched me from conscious awareness to my dissociated out of my awareness parts of me.

But I do have what my treatment providers called flashbacks. this is where I am physically and mentally reliving a past traumatic event. this can sometimes give the appearance of dissociation but with one difference....

with dissociation reality remains intact. I can see and participate with the present moment without losing touch with the present moment.

With Flashbacks reality does not remain intact. I experience mentally and physically the traumatic events of the past. some places call flashbacks hallucinations because a person is seeing and hearing and experiencing traumatic moments form the past not today.

since this happened at a therapy session just follow whatever your treatment provider told you to do when whatever it was happened to you, happens again. maybe you can rewatch the video and listen to what the treatment provider is saying to you as you are going through it. that will tell you what you must do to stay grounded and talk about what you are feeling physically and mentally in the moment that its happening for you.

Since its your body only you and your treatment providers know what you must do for things that happen during your therapy sessions. we cannot tell you what to do or go against what your own treatment providers tell you to do.

Grounding is anything that makes you feel calm, relaxed, in touch with reality. my favorite grounding techniques for me is taking a walk out in nature, rowing my canoe on the lake. lighting scented candles.
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Old 06-24-2022, 07:51 AM   #5
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Thank you for the comprehensive response amandalouise. I will rewatch the video and see if I can link any responses to his words. This is not something that my pdoc would normally deal with.

I thought I had left this garbage in the past. I am lost for words right now.
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