Is a trauma history necessary for DID?

Hi everyone, I'm new here. I suffer from dissociative disorder. I'm not sure if it's full blown DID because I don't usually lose time and my alters don't seem to have their own separate histories. I do not remember any abuse or trauma from my past. Is it possible to have developed this without having trauma in my past? I don't know if I believe in repressed memories. ???

Welcome to PC.... and to the forum....

Sorry... I don't know anything about a disassociate disorder from non trauma... perhaps someone here on PC... knows... and a T... if you have one...

My guess is that a person could have a dissaciative disorder from non-trauma... because all people dissociate to some degree.. like in driving... and my guess... is that some people may just get very good at using that "tool" - disassociation... when they want to leave a situation... because in my opinion... that is what disassociation is.. a tool...

Thanks for responding. I do see a therapist but I'm so confused about my past and she doesn't want to put any ideas in my head. I'm scared that my memories are wrong and I will hurt those I love.

Actually, the majority of people diagnosed with a dissociative disorder have a trauma history. Dissociation is a continuous spectrum, but the more severe dissociation is clearly associated with trauma and abuse. While non-abused people can "lose themselves in a book, daydream,etc" they do not develop full blown disorders where space and time are altered to the extremes.

In fact, DID, is 100% associated with severe abuse. There are no known "true" cases that are not trauma related.

However, I will add that what is trauma to one child may not be trauma to another child. Also, what sounds relatively trivial now, may very well be highly traumatic to a small child...as we get older, we are more able to handle traumatic events. At least that is the "normal" pattern of development...once splitting has occured all bets are off! But that is another topic.

Sera

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
serafimetal said:
However, I will add that what is trauma to one child may not be trauma to another child. Also, what sounds relatively trivial now, may very well be highly traumatic to a small child...as we get older, we are more able to handle traumatic events. At least that is the "normal" pattern of development...once splitting has occured all bets are off! But that is another topic.

Sera

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

This is so true.

I *did* suffer abuse, profound and prolonged. However, I believe my initial splitting started when I viewed something horrific and the fears associated with that same thing happening to me.

************* POSSIBLE TRIGGER ****************




It could be considered abusive to force a child to walk *alone at 6* by a horrific crime scene daily to go to school...knowing she feared the person was hiding in a certain spot...waiting for her.

I believe then that I became much more due to the abuse that was just beginning at the same time as well.

I guess what I'm saying is that if there were "fears" strong enough for the child you to NEED to go away, disappear, not experience (not be the one to walk to school every day), then it could happen in my thinking.

I can't know that, though, because as I said, abuse was starting full-fledged, in different forms, at the time and continued for many years after...creating more and solidifying what had begun. I can't say that full-fledged DID would've been formed by just that initial horrible fear, but I can't say that it wouldn't have either.

KD

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
kimmydawn said:
</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
serafimetal said:
However, I will add that what is trauma to one child may not be trauma to another child. Also, what sounds relatively trivial now, may very well be highly traumatic to a small child...as we get older, we are more able to handle traumatic events. At least that is the "normal" pattern of development...once splitting has occured all bets are off! But that is another topic.

Sera

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


This is so true.

I *did* suffer abuse, profound and prolonged. However, I believe my initial splitting started when I viewed something horrific and the fears associated with that same thing happening to me.

************* POSSIBLE TRIGGER ****************




It could be considered abusive to force a child to walk *alone at 6* by a horrific crime scene daily to go to school...knowing she feared the person was hiding in a certain spot...waiting for her.

I believe then that I became much more due to the abuse that was just beginning at the same time as well.

I guess what I'm saying is that if there were "fears" strong enough for the child you to NEED to go away, disappear, not experience (not be the one to walk to school every day), then it could happen in my thinking.

I can't know that, though, because as I said, abuse was starting full-fledged, in different forms, at the time and continued for many years after...creating more and solidifying what had begun. I can't say that full-fledged DID would've been formed by just that initial horrible fear, but I can't say that it wouldn't have either.

KD

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> .

Alot here to think about in these two quotes ...I personally was trigged later in life <<< >>> Others saw the Dif at times and I was more aware / unaware ....

Once I was trigged to memories I was more >>> as a older peep >> I was able to understand the reasons for certain behaviors I had developed .

Kinda explained some things and I became less stressed as to the blackouts. I learned to follow time more ,, even if I lost whole days or weeks <<<< , IDK ??? Does that make sense or help?

yeah, i think i am figuring out slowly that 2 seperate events of abuse happened that (on the scale of things) were relatively minor - though still wrong. and i could have gotten around those probably if i had had intervention then at 3 yrs old. but when fighting back against the two most important women in my life turned to enduring yet another person, i think i expanded on the dissociation, put the "fight mechanism" away for a while (since it didn't work on the powerful man in my life) and what had been dissociation then became DID with actual parts to take over for me when it all got too much and i couldn't fight.

Hi Kessa,

I do think that dissociative disorders stem from trauma. But boy do I understand not believing in repressed memories. There are reasons we do the things we do, react the way we react.

When I was first diagnosed DID, I completely disagreed with the diagnosis and went into major denial for a few years. I fought a good fight to deny it, trying to come up with any other reason for the behaviors that were being pointed out to me.

Looking back later, I realized that a portion of that was because in order to accept this diagnosis, I had to accept the fact that I was abused and I couldn't do it. I do think that that was partly because my abusers were still so much entwined in my life that it was not safe to even consider it, but I think my brain was so bent on protecting me that I would have denied it regardless.

I argued that if something bad had happened in my life, then I would have at least some knowledge of it, right? People don't just have things happen to them and not have a clue at all. This part of my brain just refused to even consider it.

Unfortunately the more I became aware, the less I was able to deny it. I did not know that there were tell tale signs of abuse and my behaviors were text book examples. I thought: Everyone sleeps dressed in armored clothes to sleep. Everyone fills up their beds with anything they can find so that there is not an inch of spare space. Everyone makes themselves small in order not to be seen.

Well, of course one would immediately raise their hands to their throat to protect them if someone came up behind them. It was normal to either jump 10 feet in the air because of a small sudden noise or end up in another place doing something else. It's normal not to remember childhood or what I did last week. Etc, etc.

The brain is an amazing thing and it's all about survival first and foremost. Your brain will bring things forward when it's time, if it needs to.

Much caring is sent to you today. I know it's hard for the brain to even consider trauma, especially if it's not ready or there are reasons it still feels the need to protect.

I wish you strength as you start and/or continue your journey.

We know that the majority of people who are dx'd with did REPORT that they have trauma. In the majority of cases there isn't independent verification of that, however.

Which is just to say - that we don't know that trauma is the cause in the majority of cases.

I know that one of the main theories of DID is known as the 'post-traumatic model'.

But if you go around saying that you MUST have been traumatised in order to have DID or to 'really have' DID well then...

The things people will say to try and make sense to themselves...

Thank you everyone for your responses it means a lot to me to know people would actually listen to me and that I'm important enough for a response. I think what I will try to do is stop thinking about the "whys" and work on trusting my therapist. It's very hard to trust because I am afraid to lose control. Again, thank you everyone.

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
wanttoheal said:
Unfortunately the more I became aware, the less I was able to deny it. I did not know that there were tell tale signs of abuse and my behaviors were text book examples. I thought: Everyone sleeps dressed in armored clothes to sleep. Everyone fills up their beds with anything they can find so that there is not an inch of spare space. Everyone makes themselves small in order not to be seen.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

oh... maybe that is why i always kept every stuft animal i own on my teeny twin bed with me.... it's not the animals that make me safe? but the space thing...? maybe why i freak when staying someplace with a big ole empty queen or king bed.
i never looked at those thing either.... and i do sleep fully dressed - sometimes even with more layers on than by day.
k

Maybe...
But then maybe not.

There are many self help books out there that try and persuade people that if you find you do x or y or z then the only explanation of that is that you have been abused. If you don't think you have been abused then the only explanation for that is that you have repressed the knowledge of the abuse.

That simply isn't so (that the only explanation is that there was trauma of 'objectively sickening severity).

Events don't have to be of 'objectively sickening severity' for someone to LEGITIMATELY feel hurt and scared and terrified and so on and so forth... That simply isn't so. And to say otherwise... Is to undermine the legitimate suffering of people who HAVEN'T been abused.

I think I may know why it could have happened but I just didn't think it was horrible enough to cause so many long term issues with dissociation and having a male protector and a scared kid etc.
I'm afraid to say too much because I don't want to trigger anyone, so I'll just say it has to do with being in a hospital when I had double eye surgery as a toddler. My mom told me the doctor was so worried I would be emotionally damaged that they told my parents to take me home after the first night. I don't remember any of it, but maybe...? I don't know why I keep asking why. I guess it's so much easier when you can say "Aha, that's why I am the way I am. I'm not crazy"

yes, i have read that such things can come from surgery, injury, and/or hospitalization. in fact, i think one of my early ones did too. i was hospitalized for bhronchial asthma at 3 and turned into a "wild animal" when any dr or nurse came within 5 feet of my crib. i'd growl this highish growl just at the mere presence of them. i was "a complete monster" who refused to take medicines and physically fought off check ups. it took 3 nurses and a dr to hold me down - i imagine this could not have been good on the psyche. i haven't changed - as i grew up, any time i felt threatened like that i turned into this wild thing that would have to be restrained - it happened again medically when i was 8/9 for injections - again took 3 nurses to pin me down to the bed (face down) and wrench my arm backwards to give me the injection (this happened twice). so i guess then the egostate or alter confirmed that this is a useful thing and kept the ability to split off for these times. i've used it at least 5 times - twice fighting off family members trying to restrain me. I didn't think of this until now.
kiya

I think I understand. I went through a significant amount of time trying to figure out why I am the way I am... I'm pretty sick (well, I certainly was) and so something truly horrible and awful must have happened to me - mustn't it?????

Different people have different sensitivities. You can take some event x and the way that one person responds to that can be very different from the way that another person responds to that. Even with events that the majority of people would classify as 'abusive' might result in a lot of long lasting hurt and pain for one person and yet another person might not be all that affected by it.

I think that our responses are understandable... ALL of them. If you find me someone and say 'their response simply isn't understandable' then I'll say 'try haaaaarder'.

As a kid... If you are going through a sensitive time and you really need to be in a safe environment with trusted figures who you are attached to... If you find yourself in an environment that feels strange and scary then that could well have a lasting impact.

One idea is... That what is needed for dissociation is an emotional response that exceeds the persons ability to cope with / regulate / integrate / feel their emotional response. That can be for a variety of reasons... Because one hasn't been taught coping strategies, because even though one knows coping strategies the experience is too intense, etc etc etc.

A lot of people try and justify their painful EXPERIENCES by recourse to EVENTS that have happened to them. I guess... For me... I was helped by shifting the focus from EVENTS (that may or may not have happened and probably didn't precisely as I remember them because that is the nature of memory) to my EXPERIENCES. The painful experiences... And learning how to cope with them and hold them and experience them and integrate them and soothe them now...

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
alexandra_k said:
For me... I was helped by shifting the focus from EVENTS (that may or may not have happened and probably didn't precisely as I remember them because that is the nature of memory) to my EXPERIENCES. The painful experiences... And learning how to cope with them and hold them and experience them and integrate them and soothe them now...

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">

I think I understand and will try to switch focus. I think I sometimes feel like I have to prove that I deserve to be listened to and helped. If nothing "horrific" happened then I should just shut up and deal with it on my own. I am slowly learning that I matter and my experiences are worthy of validation.

Feeling instensely distressed and alone with that IS horrific. And quite legitimately so. You do matter and your experiences are valid. Hang in there, it really does get better over time.

> Is it possible to have developed this without having trauma in my past?

My thought is that splitting or dissociation, of the kind that we usually talk about here, must be a psychological defense against some kind of trauma, something that overwhelmed the system's ability to cope with it in reality. Otherwise it would not happen. What that trauma was might be a question. Severe and prolonged abuse by trusted caretakers is certainly one possibility. Some almost "random" fear that arose in the course of an immature creature's life, for which there was not sufficient reassurance, could be another, it seems to me. Or some organically-based disease which was not well treated might start some such dissociation process. Maybe you can think of others.

There are those who live with Multiplicity. That is having alters without suffering through any trauma. People simply sharing their body with others, almost like a median. A good place to look at this for me was in the LJ community Multiplicity.