[valuable1]

Integrated 12 years ago...but wondering if I really am. Any others out there??

[wanttoheal]

Hi valuable, welcome to Psych Central
Do you have a lot of stresses going on for you right now? I think when that happens, our brains want to automatically go back to what we know and feels safe for us.

Welcome here. Hope you keep posting.

[valuable1]

Yes, I guess there are a few things stressing. Maybe I am okay and just try to "go back" . Thanks for writing. Really!

[wanttoheal]

Do you have a therapist right now? It might be a good idea to get in touch with one if not, just to touch base. I have heard of some people who felt like the integration didn't "work" only to find out that they weren't completely integrated to begin with. Either way, stress makes things hard.

Also, I have found that recently, having gotten to a relatively safe place, that my mind is relaxing a bit and sometimes that causes more chaos in the brain as the barriers thin out.

So I guess we have to have just enough stress to keep the barriers up but not so much that it undoes what we've worked so hard on lol (just kidding- I sometimes think I want to stay right here, not go forward, not go backwards )

I have a friend that was integrated... but... with a great deal of stressors... he... developed new alters.. to deal with stressors... he went back into therapy.. and is working on the whole.. thing...

[bipolar_bear]

I really can't give any ideas as I have never integrated but if you are under a lot of stress maybe it could bring alters back out? I don't know. Sorry I am no help. Maybe as you work on it you will begin to see what is happening.

BB

[kim_johnson]

One view of integration is that it is a process rather than an event. Similarly, one view of dissociation is that it is a process (a method of coping) rather than an event. And so the thought is that in times of stress one might start dissociating / fragmenting again. And integrating... Is learning the strategies and techniques to cope such that dissociating / fragmenting isn't the main coping strategy anymore.

That is just one view, though. If your integration was an 'event' then it would make sense that you would still struggle with dissociating in times of stress.

Are you feeling a bit of stress lately? Could you chat to someone about that?

[wanttoheal]

How are things going valuable1?

[valuable1]

I haven't seen a counselor in so long. I'm realizing after hearing from you all that maybe being integrated wasn't the "cure" I thought it was. I am feeling overwhemed. But thanks for your input. Honestly it helps to have you to talk to!!

[wanttoheal]

((((((((((Valuable1)))))))))))) I'm sorry you are overwhelmed right now. I hope things calm down for you soon.

[valuable1]

When I integrated it was over a period of time, "several events" but what you had to say made a lot of sense. It's been years since I've even seen a counselor. I thought it was past and likely finished...I think now I need to get re-educated on the whole subject and maybe find another counselor too. That alone is overwhelming. But one day at a time.
Thanks so much for listening and responding!!!!