T uncomfortable with littles..

My T... is uncomfortable with my littles.. and that makes.. me (an alter)... uncomfortable around him... I tried talking to him about it.. and he said "it's been a long time since I have been around very young children... and I am looking visually at a 52 year old woman"...

well... this makes me uncomfortable... with him...

how does your T... deal... not deal... with your "littles"... is he/she comfortable... or talk to them like an adult... or.. not want them to come to therapy????

((((((((((((((((((((((((Freewill)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

i may be way out of line here ... i'm sorry if i am .... but my advice would be to get a t who knows what he is talking about .....

i don't have DID fully, well, i dont know, but my t has no problem, why should she, she's been there herself .... she understands ......

this is not a general slating of t's btw ....... just my opinion

Jinny

My T is comfortable with whomever chooses to come out/show up at therapy. From day one...or rather...from the day she made the DID dx...she has invited anyone and all who want to talk, yell, check her out, play, whatever, to come to therapy. She is different with each of us that comes out also. For example...she NEVER touches me, I wouldn't tolerate that, but she gets on the floor with the littles and will hug them (asks first); she speaks differently with teens and littles also. Much softer with littles and uses slang and an occasional swear word with teens (depending on the teen).

I will say that this probably has to do with her background as a T. Before she had her PhD, she worked in a juvenile detention center with older teen boys, while working on her dissertation she worked as a parenting teacher/coach, and since then has been in private practice but works with all age groups with a primary focus on trauma/PTSD. She is also a recent grandma...a 3 year old grandson and a 9 month old grandson.

What I find interesting is that a lot of T's who are "DID specialists" don't welcome littles in the therapy room. I don't get this...littles seem key to the therapy process IMO. My T is not a DID specialist.

I'm sorry your T is treating you all this way. Since he said it is that he isn't comfortable, maybe he could "get comfortable"? It really does seem important to me that littles be included.

My T also talks to whichever part comes out. She has said she has talked with some that are young and even one older than the body. Some seem to not know who she is, according to T, but from what I can determine, she talks to all of me with a gentleness, even to some pretty angry parts of myself. Each part of me holds a key to my life and my T recognizes that. It seems that T talks to each part age appropriately. I do know that she generally does not tell me what the content of those conversations are unless it is really something I do need to know. I prefer it that way too so I'm cool with that. She is very careful not to re traumatize.

(((((freewill)))))

Are you certain he doesn't want to talk to your littles because of his inexperience/discomfort being around children in general? Or could it be because he doesn't think it is therapeutic for you to acknowledge and talk to the littles? I have heard that some therapists believe that if they don't acknowledge or talk to alters--basically ignore them--then they will extinguish themselves and the client will come to therapy with other problems to work on. I totally disagree with this approach. It seems hurtful and damaging, but I have heard that some T's don't even believe in DID and their method of dealing with clients who say they have DID is to ignore the client whenever she brings this up.

Can you discuss this openly with him so that you are very clear on why he is rejecting your littles? If he says it really is because he doesn't know how to relate to children, you could ask him what he plans to do to get over that. Perhaps he could volunteer at the daycare center at his church, and work on getting comfortable with children. Or take a course on "play therapy" at his local university. Or make an effort to spend more time with the children/grandchildren of his siblings. (I am assuming he is not a parent himself or he would be comfortable with children.) If, on the other hand, he says rejecting your littles is really part of his therapeutic approach, then at least you will have the facts and can decide what you want to do (try to convince him to acknowledge all parts of you, leave therapy with him, etc.)

Best of luck. How hard for you.

(((((((((((((((((((( freewill )))))))))))))))))))

T tells me that whoever shows up in the room is welcome there.

He is very gentle with my youngest parts. He plays, and lets me play, and we sit on the floor. It feels like he is very protective and loving. Little me feels VERY safe and loved there.

What is it that your littles want to do? Talk? Play??

I'm sorry your T isn't being accepting.

"What I find interesting is that a lot of T's who are "DID specialists" don't welcome littles in the therapy room. I don't get this...littles seem key to the therapy process IMO. My T is not a DID specialist."

I had the same experience. the former t i saw was not good with the littles... she'd actually talk more adult to them than to me!! with words i'd never use in front of kids and my lils felt terrible. we never told her either.
Current t - I didn't think she'd get it, but I think that i may be wrong. She did after all give them Benedict the armadillo stuffy and told them they needed a toy box =) that is encouraging.

Sorry your T isn't comfortable with your littles. I think it's kind of a package deal. Accept me and my littles we're all in this body together and their not going away anytime soon.

I don't know what to tell you. My T has always made an effort to listen to my little ones and help them express how they feel and what they had to say. T has learned a lot from my little ones about situations and memories. T talking to them has helped T figure out some things.

Just try talking to T again. Let them know how important you think it is for them to work with your littles. Maybe write down want you want from therapy and ask your T straight out if they can help you reach your goals.

I haven't read the replies here but.... Since healing the traumas the littles experienced is crucial for DID therapy, I really think you should look at finding a T who *is* comfortable in working with them. Work with the littles is crucial. I can't stress that enough.

(((((((((((((( freewill ))))))))))))))
:Heart: :Heart: :Heart:

((((((((((freewill))))))))))

i agree with luce. this is not the first thread that i have responded to where your T had done or said something that i personally find both offensive and far from helpful to you. jmho. you matter, all your parts matter.

lost

I have nothing new to say to all the wise responses above me, BUT I DO AGREE WITH THEM ALL.

Your T needs to ACCEPT all of your parts because they are all you and you are all of them. No One should be allowed to reject or ignore ANY part of you.

They all helped you survive. They all add to your life. They all matter.

NO ONE should ever ignore or reject your inside family of parts, especially the littles. Trauma to you as a little is what began your life as a person with DID.

PLEASE stand up for your littles the way an adult should have stood up for you when you were hurt and terrified as a tiny child.

Forgive me if I'm coming across too harsh. I am not mad at you, but I am very annoyed at people who behave like your T.

My husband will not accept my parts and it hurts me so much. I used to ignore my parts and suppress them and I finally came to my senses because of my T who made me realize my littles deserve healing and love!!

Leslie and HER Pixies!!!

I CARE ABOUT YOU ALL FREEWILL