[Kendyll]

Oh, it's been a few rough days...
The other day, Jon and I had some conflict. I know my part in it, and I did what I could to handle my freak-out as quickly as possible. We talked about it, and I thought we'd worked through it.

Well, Jon and I had, but Jonathan wasn't through with me. The next day, he tore into me big time. He can be a really mean, nasty guy...He wasn't WRONG, just mean. Everybody else got upset at him for making me cry, and he got "grounded".

Yesterday, I was talking with Jon, and Jonny came out to say hi. We were talking about all sorts of things and I mentioned the holidays. Apparently, holidays are a REALLY touchy subject! He got really sad and upset and spiralled into despair, out of control. He went into the kitchen for a knife to hurt himself, but I was able to stop him and Jonathan was let out to handle the situation. It ends up Jonny got "grounded", too.

So, OK. Jon comes back, and he wants to know what's been going on. Jonathan tells him not to worry about it, it's under control...but that's all he gets before Jonathan goes back to being grounded. Jon starts calling round for the guys except they aren't there.

He turns to me and says "Who's this "Core" guy? Where are Jonathan and Jonny? Who's this Core guy telling me that they can't come out now and that he's in charge? I'm in charge, dammit! I thought there were only three of us. Has he talked to you - what's going on?"

I don't know what to tell him. At that point I told him I wasn't sure what was going on, and that I wasn't really comfortable telling him things I didn't understand. I also told him that I'm not comfortable telling on anybody.

OK, what do I do?
I know WHO the Core is, but I'm not sure WHAT the Core is - whether he's the original from before the split or if he's another alter or what. And if I don't know what the Core is, then I'm not positive who/what Jon is. If the Core is the original, then Jon's an alter and he doesn't know that.

I don't understand all the inner workings. I don't know HOW the guys got grounded, or even what that means - other than they won't be available for a few days, they can't come out except for emergencies. How that's decided and how it's done, I have no idea.

And I don't feel comfortable telling Jon things about the others unless they tell me it's OK. I mean, why should I go talking behind anyone's back?
I don't know...

[multipixie9]

It sounds to me like you need to do some reading or research about D.I.D. and how it is structured. You need to know more about how it works and that will help you know better how to handle some of the things that happen. I wish I knew a good book to suggest, but I really don't. Choose carefully so ou can get a reputable book that explains things well.

You need some help. Does your T know about this living situation and how things go? Sounds too big to handle on your own.... at least right now. I wish I could help more, but I can't just now.

leslie and the pixies

[Kendyll]

If anyone can suggest a good book or two, I'd really appreciate it.

It might be easier if I could get a straight line from the guys, but I get conflicting stories from Jonny and Jonathan (and the Core). Everybody tells me something different about who came when and who split from whom.

I still don't have a T right now. I can't afford to go to mine because my insurance visits ran out, but I can't get any community help because I have insurance. Ain't that a crock...?

Don't really have any advice but wishing you well.

[wanttoheal]

And so goes the Days of Our Lives. You are a brave person Kendyll. It does make me wonder how other people see me when I am unaware. I think my parts are triggered out due to what is going on for me but I'm not 100% sure because of the barriers I have and the lack of communication.

I think if parts are communicating as much as these parts seem to be, they will work it out. In my opinion, you can support, but not "fix" your bf. One thing I've realized as I become more aware of what goes on for me is that I am the one who has to fix myself. Others can guide and support, but it's really my brain and what I choose to do that will make my life better or worse. That said, I couldn't do it without the guidance and wisdom of my T.

In my opinion, just supporting and showing bf that you care is a big thing. The rest will work out as it needs to.

Hi Kendyll,

This website might be of interest to you. I hope it helps.

http://www.op.net/~jeffv/so1.htm

[Perna]

You might try this book:

http://www.amazon.com/Multiple-Perso.../dp/0962916404