[siljie]

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but it just occurred to me that it may be dissociation that I'm experiencing. To be honest I never knew there were dissociation disorders until I came onto the website. I've tried to explain this feeling to other soo many times before, out of how bizarre it is, but they never seem to get it. Some say they kind of get what I mean but I know they really don't. I can't be the ONLY one who gets it, can I? That's why I'm thinking it may be dissociation since no-one ever seems to get what I'm saying about it or understand it.

It's weird. I don't even know if I can describe it on here, but I'll try. I've been getting this feeling as far back as I can remember, all through my childhood and still up to this day(I'm 14 now). I'll just be doing something and then it'll be like this weird realization thing like I just woke up because I wasn't aware of anything going on around me almost like I just wasn't there in the first place for the past couple minutes, and suddenly it feels like I'm floating. Everything around me seems in a dream or in a daze, and I'm hearing what's going on but it sounds so strange to my ears--and I've been talking and moving but it's not like I'VE been controlling it. It's like I'm a robot and I'm not even me, and then when I realize this feeling it starts to get even weirder and I get extremely confused and dazed and usually say "Woah..." and blink a lot. And then everything suddenly has this weird clarity, like I notice certain colors and shapes and everything just seems clearer but I still stay confused. This happens randomly, quite often but not every day. I really hope this made sense, but I kind of doubt it. Does anyone else see where I'm coming from...? It's weird. Is it dissociation?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by siljie

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but it just occurred to me that it may be dissociation that I'm experiencing. To be honest I never knew there were dissociation disorders until I came onto the website. I've tried to explain this feeling to other soo many times before, out of how bizarre it is, but they never seem to get it. Some say they kind of get what I mean but I know they really don't. I can't be the ONLY one who gets it, can I? That's why I'm thinking it may be dissociation since no-one ever seems to get what I'm saying about it or understand it.

It's weird. I don't even know if I can describe it on here, but I'll try. I've been getting this feeling as far back as I can remember, all through my childhood and still up to this day(I'm 14 now). I'll just be doing something and then it'll be like this weird realization thing like I just woke up because I wasn't aware of anything going on around me almost like I just wasn't there in the first place for the past couple minutes, and suddenly it feels like I'm floating. Everything around me seems in a dream or in a daze, and I'm hearing what's going on but it sounds so strange to my ears--and I've been talking and moving but it's not like I'VE been controlling it. It's like I'm a robot and I'm not even me, and then when I realize this feeling it starts to get even weirder and I get extremely confused and dazed and usually say "Woah..." and blink a lot. And then everything suddenly has this weird clarity, like I notice certain colors and shapes and everything just seems clearer but I still stay confused. This happens randomly, quite often but not every day. I really hope this made sense, but I kind of doubt it. Does anyone else see where I'm coming from...? It's weird. Is it dissociation?

it could be anything ear infections make people feel this way, the coming on of viruses can make people feel this way, so can stress, excitement, lack of sleep, not eating right, not getting enough fluids, or any other physical health problems like seizure disorders, hyperventilation, or not getting enough oxygen, anemia or many others, it can also be part of any number of mental disorders like schizophrenia, bipolar, depression and many others including any of the dissociative disorders. it could be panic attacks.....

I could go on and on about all the millions of things this could be.

the only way you will discover what this problem is, is by contacting your medical doctor, they will talk with you and possibly do some tests and refer you to a psychiatrist if it turns out to be a mental problem. then the psychiatrist will have you do a whole mess of tests and then tell you what it is.

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by siljie

I'm not sure if this belongs here, but it just occurred to me that it may be dissociation that I'm experiencing. To be honest I never knew there were dissociation disorders until I came onto the website. I've tried to explain this feeling to other soo many times before, out of how bizarre it is, but they never seem to get it. Some say they kind of get what I mean but I know they really don't. I can't be the ONLY one who gets it, can I? That's why I'm thinking it may be dissociation since no-one ever seems to get what I'm saying about it or understand it.

It's weird. I don't even know if I can describe it on here, but I'll try. I've been getting this feeling as far back as I can remember, all through my childhood and still up to this day(I'm 14 now). I'll just be doing something and then it'll be like this weird realization thing like I just woke up because I wasn't aware of anything going on around me almost like I just wasn't there in the first place for the past couple minutes, and suddenly it feels like I'm floating. Everything around me seems in a dream or in a daze, and I'm hearing what's going on but it sounds so strange to my ears--and I've been talking and moving but it's not like I'VE been controlling it. It's like I'm a robot and I'm not even me, and then when I realize this feeling it starts to get even weirder and I get extremely confused and dazed and usually say "Woah..." and blink a lot. And then everything suddenly has this weird clarity, like I notice certain colors and shapes and everything just seems clearer but I still stay confused. This happens randomly, quite often but not every day. I really hope this made sense, but I kind of doubt it. Does anyone else see where I'm coming from...? It's weird. Is it dissociation?

I just took a look at your profile and see that you were diagnosed with PTSD, chronic insomnia, depression and other problems yet to be diagnosed. all this could very well be part of your PTSD, not getting enough sleep when your insomnia kicks in and depression, all of them have symptoms that resemble some symptoms of dissociative disorders. which is why they carry the symptom of dissociation in their lists of symptoms.

talk with your treatment providers they can evaluate you and help you learn to over come these problems.

[siljie]

Thank you for the feedback. The reason why I'm skeptical of it being attached to my mental problems is because I've had these random phases since early childhood, before all the trauma and hurt began. I think I'll mention it to my T though. I doubt it's anything that I should even bat an eye towards, but I'm curious.

My symptoms started during my childhood years, very similar to yours, and it wasn't until I was hospitalized in a trauma specialty hospital that I was dx'd with DDNOS (dissociative disorder not otherwise specified).

It was in this ward that I felt right at home. Suddenly everything made sense and their protocol throughout the day helped me and made sense to me. I dreaded leaving because I was finally understood there.

However, since then there has been speculation all this could be from a neurological disorder stemming from abnormal temporal lobes as part of a seizure or migraine aura.

Neurology is such a gray medicine as the brain hasn't been easily studied. Mostly they treat for symptoms and if the symptoms go away, then fine, but if the symptoms don't go away, like me, I get sent back to the shrinks' couch. And it's been this way for about 60 years. Each specialty I go to, has their own opinion about what I am experiencing and no one agrees on anyone thing.

So, what I have done is to find ways to self soothe or practice daily grounding skills or anything that works, other than medication, to help me when I am feeling these ways. Here is a great place to start. There are lots of different types of schools of thought about all this and a ton of material on how to help yourself. I call myself a work in progress because it's a continual process.

Don't let anyone minimize, mute, tell you you are crazy, etc. Suggestion that you are careful whom you share all this with, stick to the professionals until you know which way you are heading.

[Porcelain_doll_2004]

Thinking about you

[Korin]

June_Bug, I so agree with you. Having dealt with this a long time, working on coping tools is the best I can do today. Others are trying so hard to get it but they don't. Writing about it and being on forums like this has helped me the most. There are meds for depression and anxiety and they help make life a little easier to cope with but there are no meds for DID. I don't take any meds these days and feel the need to be strong and take care of myself.

Korin ~ I have been reducing my meds and feeling more alive and in control. Before I was pleasing my doctors by increasing my meds to reach to the theraputic level, but enough with that. I'm not ruining my daily life living like a zombie anymore just to please a doctor. Yes, I am now having mood swings and difficulty with sleep/anxiety/panic but I much prefer that over living with too much sedation. Still on the meds but on a much lower dose and managing my life now which is empowering me. You are correct, there is no medication for DID, it's all about coping skills to reduce the anxiety which is key. And practice, practice, practice.

Originally Posted by Korin

June_Bug, I so agree with you. Having dealt with this a long time, working on coping tools is the best I can do today. Others are trying so hard to get it but they don't. Writing about it and being on forums like this has helped me the most. There are meds for depression and anxiety and they help make life a little easier to cope with but there are no meds for DID. I don't take any meds these days and feel the need to be strong and take care of myself.

[Unrealityfeeling]

hey siljie. I have been feeling the same for some years now. so i will try to tell you what cased this "unreality feeling" for me. also called derealization. First started with depression, then anxiety. small panic attacks, it got worse and worse. and then one day i smoked weed. got a panic attack, worst panic attack i ever had. and i started doubting the world, universe, life. and then Boom, everything was unclear, dazed.
And i feel like im floating when im about the get panic attacks. You should really seek help for this. its hard but worth it. im not yet out of it. but i started my journey into the real world. i wish to see you there one day
If you feel like talking about this feeling, feel free to leave a message or anything. we could both need someone who understand each other!

[dawnhopeful]

Thanks for the feedback, especially from June Bug, Korin and Unreality Feeling. I spoke to my t about being in contact with my PD. He would like to speak to him and my PDOC has said he would like to speak to my t. So, this looks as if it could be the start of a new phase in my treatment. Or rather, i am hoping that it is the start to the end of my medication with psychiatric meds. I hate the feeling of having meds. control my psyche. I realize that in the past , it might have been essential, but hopefully I have progressed beyond the need for them. I would like to feel as if I can balance my moods myself. I am inclined to overeat for emotional reasons and am scared that im going to pig out real good!!!!
How have you guys done so far, on med. tapering? What obstacles do i face ahead of me. That is, I take it, it will not be smooth sailing.??!! One of the reasons for my desire to be done with meds, is the need to feel as if I am not being controlled by my husband ,who is a PDOC!! As I have indicated before, I have a problematic marriage. I will discuss this all with my PDOC beginning of July, and let you know the outcome dawnhopeful

[Korin]

dawnhopeful,

Sound like a plan. Good luck with it. I found being without meds a good thing but if I find myself struggling a bit too much I can see my doc who can prescribe something in the short term. So Don't feel bad if you do feel the need for something for depression and or anxiety along the way. It's the anti-psychotic meds we really don't need in my opinion as they do nothing for DID.

You might eat more to begin with, as meds do tend to suppress appetite, but a good diet plan and just being aware that that might be a problem can be very helpful. I'm not on meds now and I don't eat much; one main meal a day, lots of fruit and veg, and I drink lots of water (it's good for a clear skin and it flushes out your system).

I definitely feel more in control without meds, I feel stronger too and more able to come up with good coping tools and put them to good use.

You might feel bad from time to time and want to go back but keeping your plan in mind (write it down somewhere and read over from time to time) can help.

I don't know what to say about your husband being a psych-doc. It must make things quite difficult. The way I see it is that you're not only dealing with your own ideas and opinions about what is going on with you, but you are also having to deal with his ideas and opinions of the situation. I think I'm doing pretty good but I don't think I could deal with that. The only thing I have to offer here is that there should be some boundaries, rules about what should be discussed and what shouldn't. Perhaps you could both agree to not discuss what you are dealing with for a certain period of time, giving you a chance to put your plan into action and take control of the situation and your own life.

I don't know what your situation is and the above might be way off.
No offence intended. I hope you feel strong and in control of your life soon.

Not to worry you dawnhopeful, but since you raised the issue that you have some issues in your marriage and he is a shrink and controlling............... just be careful. My husband chose to over medicate me (he was a controller) by adding more medication into my morning orange juice. I caught him opening my capsules and pouring them into my juice. I stopped letting him prepare my meals and hand me a plate too. Anything I consumed came from what I prepared and was brought fresh. I left nothing in the frig that might be tampered with. I rented a storage container and kept anything that might affect me locked up in there and in my safe deposit box in a bank <--that is where I stored my meds. Please know that I am not trying to scare you, but be prepared ahead of time before you make any changes because it might be threatening to him and he may try to defeat any of these efforts. I would keep everything confidential, do not let him know you are going off your meds, do not let your T or shrink consult with him, do not let him enter into therapy with you. Tear up the Hippa form that allows for your husband to receive information from your doctors. Be sure even your primary doctor does not get any information about you about your medication changes for now. Keep all this separate from him.

When I was deciding to end the marriage, I became very ill, and entered into altered states which was very bizaare. My shrink sent me to a forensic pathologist to have my blood checked to see if there were things that should not be in my blood, but nothing was found. It was only after I entered the women's shelter that all these scary symptoms stopped.

I thought my husband was being supportive by joining me in therapy. What he did was write down my buttons and learned my weaknesses and preyed upon me with this knowledge. He got copies of all my medical mental health notes and used these to blackmail me. He sent copies of my diagnoses to my job (ended my career), to my family of origin, to a public elected position I held (I was asked to step down) to my minister and just about anyone who wanted it. Then during the trial over the death of my mother, my sisters, who had a copy of my mental health documentation used that to maneuver around me from disclosing things that I needed to know by the attorneys. He used this knowledge to mute me, erase me from life, isolate me and then tried to destroy me.

This is an extreme situation and one which I hope never happens to you (((dawnhopeful))), I just wanted to give you some things to protect yourself with. There is a book that helped me tremendously, while living in the domestic violence women's shelter "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. I would highly recommend you read this at some point.

Originally Posted by dawnhopeful

Thanks for the feedback, especially from June Bug, Korin and Unreality Feeling. I spoke to my t about being in contact with my PD. He would like to speak to him and my PDOC has said he would like to speak to my t. So, this looks as if it could be the start of a new phase in my treatment. Or rather, i am hoping that it is the start to the end of my medication with psychiatric meds. I hate the feeling of having meds. control my psyche. I realize that in the past , it might have been essential, but hopefully I have progressed beyond the need for them. I would like to feel as if I can balance my moods myself. I am inclined to overeat for emotional reasons and am scared that im going to pig out real good!!!!
How have you guys done so far, on med. tapering? What obstacles do i face ahead of me. That is, I take it, it will not be smooth sailing.??!! One of the reasons for my desire to be done with meds, is the need to feel as if I am not being controlled by my husband ,who is a PDOC!! As I have indicated before, I have a problematic marriage. I will discuss this all with my PDOC beginning of July, and let you know the outcome dawnhopeful

[Korin]

June Bug,

I’m so very sorry you went through all that. I would never have survived something like that. (((Hug)))

Korin ~ I never thought I could get through something like this, but I did and you might be surprised how you can survive when faced with a crisis on this level. When 9/11 happened and everyone was reacting to the terrorism and tragedy, I said to myself "welcome to my world".

Originally Posted by Korin

June Bug,

I’m so very sorry you went through all that. I would never have survived something like that. (((Hug)))

[momfour]

Originally Posted by June_Bug

Not to worry you dawnhopeful, but since you raised the issue that you have some issues in your marriage and he is a shrink and controlling............... just be careful. My husband chose to over medicate me (he was a controller) by adding more medication into my morning orange juice. I caught him opening my capsules and pouring them into my juice. I stopped letting him prepare my meals and hand me a plate too. Anything I consumed came from what I prepared and was brought fresh. I left nothing in the frig that might be tampered with. I rented a storage container and kept anything that might affect me locked up in there and in my safe deposit box in a bank <--that is where I stored my meds. Please know that I am not trying to scare you, but be prepared ahead of time before you make any changes because it might be threatening to him and he may try to defeat any of these efforts. I would keep everything confidential, do not let him know you are going off your meds, do not let your T or shrink consult with him, do not let him enter into therapy with you. Tear up the Hippa form that allows for your husband to receive information from your doctors. Be sure even your primary doctor does not get any information about you about your medication changes for now. Keep all this separate from him.

When I was deciding to end the marriage, I became very ill, and entered into altered states which was very bizaare. My shrink sent me to a forensic pathologist to have my blood checked to see if there were things that should not be in my blood, but nothing was found. It was only after I entered the women's shelter that all these scary symptoms stopped.

I thought my husband was being supportive by joining me in therapy. What he did was write down my buttons and learned my weaknesses and preyed upon me with this knowledge. He got copies of all my medical mental health notes and used these to blackmail me. He sent copies of my diagnoses to my job (ended my career), to my family of origin, to a public elected position I held (I was asked to step down) to my minister and just about anyone who wanted it. Then during the trial over the death of my mother, my sisters, who had a copy of my mental health documentation used that to maneuver around me from disclosing things that I needed to know by the attorneys. He used this knowledge to mute me, erase me from life, isolate me and then tried to destroy me.

This is an extreme situation and one which I hope never happens to you (((dawnhopeful))), I just wanted to give you some things to protect yourself with. There is a book that helped me tremendously, while living in the domestic violence women's shelter "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. I would highly recommend you read this at some point.

Hello I would like to know where i might find that book The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker?