(trigger for mention of rape)

I started on klonopin a few months ago. Since then, I feel like I have been so much more able to stay "here". I didn't know if it was having my anxiety reduced by the klonopin or if it was me actually making progress.

I didn't take my klonopin this morning- and I think I didn't take it last night - and I have had the worst day. Drifting in and out, almost worse than ever. Lost all of the time since last night. Sitting in T's office and suddenly nothing looked "real" and I couldn't feel my edges. T was holding my hands and asked if I could feel him rub his thumbs on my hand - I could SEE it, and then kind of feel it - but it looked like someone else's hands not mine. I stared into T's eyes and started to wonder if he was the person who raped me in some kind of disguise (!). I still feel drifty, but I took some klonopin, my anxiety went down, and I'm starting to feel a little more normal.

I hate lost time. I HATE things not looking real, especially parts of my own body. I HATE that I was thinking that maybe T was my rapist.

Has anyone else had this experience? I knew anxiety triggered dissociation for me, but I don't think I knew the extent until I experienced life without it for a little while...

((( earthmama )))

I hate it too. I'm thankful it's not as bad as it used to be. I hope that will happen for you soon.

I remember being so freakin' frustrated the first time it happened that no one could see my swollen ankle. It was in the height of my meltdown and I was a live wire. Hubby couldn't see it. T or P-doc couldn't either. I could not for the life of me figure why they were lying to me. Then it was my tonsils. Then it was whatever...

The Derealization was worse for me because I was on the road a lot driving up and down the coast of Florida. I'd be looking at a "plastic" landscape or I'd feel like I was seating in the back seat driving from there. Sometimes it felt like the car was driving itself.

It was like I was tripping on Orange Sunshine or Purple Microdot. ( So I'm told )

[multipixie9]

((((((EARTHMAMA)))))

Wow, that sounds very intense and creepy. I had a bad day on Sat, Nov. 1. when my husband finally unloaded his anger on me that i'd been waiting for for several weeks. i did have that unfocused thing going on and like i was almost watching myself live my life and its hard to describe it. I hope it gets better for you soon! hugs,

leslie and her pixies

I guess what I'm wondering is....have anit-anxiety drugs reduced anyone dissocation?

I think the klonopin has really been keeping it low key for me, especially after what happened when I didn't take it yesterday.

Well, seeing how dissociation has been a problem for me when I'm under acute stress and highly anxious, I would have to say yes, it is reduced.

[serafim_etal]

I was going to say basically what Orange Blossom did. Since a lot of our dissociation is in response to anxiety...reducing the anxiety would theoretically help with this. Anti-anxiety meds definitely do that for us. Klonopin made us too sleepy though...we take ativan prn.

[MissCharlotte]

(((earthmama)))

I'm so sorry it is so hard right now. The dissociation is unsettling in the least and extremely upsetting. I have also had times when I was retraumatized in session and have seen T as my abuser.

Orange--I have memories of being a kid in my parents car, only I am watching myself from above and behind and I have dissociated while driving home from T's and found myself on the other side of a bridge I didn't intend to cross. It's so scary.

EM--to answer your question for me it's a yes, klonopin (which I also take) has reduced my dissociatiion, and I think it has helped A LOT. Frankly, I didn't really put the two together in this way until now, but like OB said, since I tend to dissociate when I am really anxious and the klonopin reduces the anxiety, it makes sense.

When I first was prescribed the klonopin it was to use as needed so I didn't use it very much and only when I was really in bad shape. Over the past couple of months or so I have used it more pro-actively, taking it at the first sign of the kind of anxiety I know will end in a dissociative episode. I worry about being addicted but I need this and think of it as a tool right now. Without it I don't think I would have made the progress in therapy that I have made over the past few months.

So--keep taking it if it works for you and think of it as one of the tools in your toolbox!

((((((((((((earthmama)))))))))))

Big safe hugs.

xoxxoxo

[kimmydawn]

Absolutely true for me. In fact, getting the panic and anxiety under control was key to the healing I've seen.

I went off those meds but still keep them handy when anxiety is extremely high or I begin to feel panic...again, as something I know that can *help me* control dissociation.

Good luck, hon.

KD

Originally Posted by earthmama

I guess what I'm wondering is....have anit-anxiety drugs reduced anyone dissocation?

I think the klonopin has really been keeping it low key for me, especially after what happened when I didn't take it yesterday.