[Shellbe]

Not a good day but I seemed to have triggered myself. I am trying to take care of myself. Holidays are tougher. I've been reaching out too much (I know that sounds like it could be a positive thing, but it is not in this situation.) I need to withdraw, not abuse myself, not berate myself, but just come back to myself. I need to count on me again. Too much counting on T. I know in the end, it's just us. Even with all of us, it is lonely.

Anyone, have any suggestions about finding your own space with yourself? How to reel it back in, slow down, careful for the other shoe not to drop.

im wanting to run. i feel like the more talking I do, the more erratic i am. i am stuck and, above all, becoming sad.

[pegasus]

(((((( Shellbe ))))))

It's good to see you.

Take time to regroup, yes I isolate to do this also, but it's ok to do that. Give all of you permission to do so, just for a bit.

I'm glad you could reach out here.

[Shellbe]

thanks, pegasus. nice to see you.

[wanttoheal]

Hi Shellbe
Holidays are tough here for a myriad of reasons and I often feel like if I don't back up and take time, I won't make it through very well. It's great that you realize that you need to do that.

I've felt like that before about not wanting to reach out. Reaching out is scary. What if it backfires. When we've had so much backfiring throughout our lives, it's understandable that we are worried of that happening again. I have found T to be consistently safe though. I hope you will find yours to be the same.

I have run before, ending up in different states. It can be a scary time. To combat those feelings and feeling overwhelmed, I try to give my brain time to do what it needs to.

Maybe you can take an hour every once in a while, or an evening where you can just allow your brain to do what it needs to? Sometimes coloring, crafts, an all age movie, etc help here. I also journal a lot and that helps immensely. I don't always remember what I write, and I don't actually go back to read it, but it does help.

Hope that helps some. Good luck and keep us posted.

[multipixie9]

shelbe,

i feel puzzled by what you wrote because it sends conflicting signals. "i'm reaching out too much and need to pull back" vs "even with all of us it is lonely." "i want to depend on myself" vs "i want to run".

are you as puzzled by your thoughts and feelings as i am?

if you are then maybe you need to talk to your T about these conflicting thoughts and urges. maybe you are getting near to some unsettling things inside and are trying to give yourself a reason to pull away "legitimately".

the holidays are the hardest time of year for all people and especially for those of us who struggle with deep emotional wounds and / or issues. whatever you choose to do take good care of yourself during the holiday season this year!