In My Head...?

I am just going to ask.

I was sexually, physically, and emotionally abused as a child. I started seeing a tdoc at 15 years old. I only started remembering the sexual abuse 1.5 years ago. I've always remembered the physical abuse.

I've been diagnosed with a variety of things, however, the diagnosis'... I can see now are related because of the childhood abuse. OCD, eating disorder, PTSD. depression, etc.

I created 2 imaginary friends when I was 4 years old. Both have names. One played with me. The other one protected me at first, however, this was His way of manipulating me into trusting Him so he could eventually destroy me. Yes, I believe this.

One was a girl, the other a boy. He is the "bad" one. She was the good one.

He is still with me. I do not see Him physically. He's in my head. I do not hear actual voices. However, He is real enough to me that I talk back to Him. I argue with Him. He tells me horrible and sadistic things.

I am not crazy. I admit to all my compulsions, obsessions, depression and anxiety...but I don't admit to being psychotic.

But I do not know who or what He is. The girl imaginary friend has been gone for a long time. He still remains. I can get in touch with Him by listening to certain songs, being angry, anxious, frustrated.

Nobody has been able to give me an example or explanation for Him. Does anybody have any thoughts? You will not offend me. I just need some theories or...well, anything really that would help me explain Him.

there are some who might postulate that a negative entity in your mind who is a source of darkness, pain, and all things bad could possible be a demon. a demon is a good angel gone very wrong. they are malignant beings who desire to destroy human life to hurt the God who created life. they often start out appearing good to deceive and gain entrance into a person's mind and life and they eventually show their true and dark colors. i have had them and that is why i believe they exist. if you wish for more information i will provide it in a private pm. we do not go into particular religious dialogs on here ; it is not set up for that. and no i am not trying to mess with you or anyone on here, it's not my thing.

rowdy

in my head, something i forgot to write the first time i responded in this thread. i have read and heard that many people remember being "approached" by beings in the night after they were put to bed for the night. some beings seemed kind and nice and others seemed scary. as i said before i've been told they may be angelic beings of good or bad nature.

i wonder about this bad guy in your mind. you said he is trying to destroy you. that is pretty scary and i do not think you are crazy. the worst abusers in my childhood were into some evil spiritual practices that i will not describe or go into."there are more things, in heaven and earth, horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy." wm. shakespeare. i hope i quoted that correctly, but the point is that there are some weird things that happen in life and when some of them happen to small kids the results are damage and pain.

hang in there, help is out here and people do care about you.

leslie and pixies

Thank you for responding.

Yes....I would like to hear your story and what you think about this. There's much more to this story....

You're welcome to PM me.