[ferrari121]

I been married for three years and in those three years I been separated for 5 times and in those 5 times my wife has insulted me, name calling, insulted my parents and i do not mean she telling me stuff about them, she insulting my parent in person. it has got to the point that the last two times she has slap me, scratch me leaving me a scar on my arm. Every time she does this after a couple of days she tries to call me, text me and got in her knees saying she is sorry and she will never do that again. and I always fall for that and even this time i started falling for that like now we text and talk. is this just a manipulation of hers to get me back or will she be saying the truth about changing. we are young i am 24 she is 23 and I don't drink, smoke or even go out with friends because she says i will leave her by her self and that's bad. I even work full time and went to school full time to get my bachelors degree to provide a better life for us.We have tried Christian counseling all of the 5 times and she stops going after a month or two because she says that she is OK and does not need it anymore. this time I asked her to both pay for separate professional help and she told me i can go but she will not because is to expensive and is the same thing as the counseling we have been going in the past. We have no kids and that is why I am asking this question should I keep talking to her and start forgiving her or should I just get out of the relationship before is to late. Also sometimes I feel like I have fear of being lonely and thinking that other woman will not want to be with me and not able to be on another relationship later on is this normal?

PLEASE NEED REALLY GOOD ADVICE

[kaliope]

it is normal to be afraid that you wont be loved again. everybody has this fear when leaving a relationship and it keeps a lot of people from leaving bad relationships. but it is an unrealistic fear. you need to keep that in mind when weighing your decision to leave. it sounds like your current relationship is very volatile. your partner makes promises she is unwilling to follow thru on. she has been unwilling to change and has demonstrated that to you five times already. how many more times are you going to put yourself thru this? the best thing to so is put together a pro/con list of the benefits and drawbacks of the relationship. if it has more benefits than drawbacks, then it is worth staying. more drawbacks than benefits, then it is time to get out. only you can decide if it is worth it. take care.

[gayleggg]

It's like the old adage, you keep doing the same thing but expect different results. After 5 chances your wife has proven she is not willing to seek help or change. Unless she wants help for herself things are not going to change. I know the thought of being alone is scary but it is better to be alone than be abused and degraded. Keep posting anytime you need support. Wishing you the best.

[Gwynyd]

Sometimes a horrible ending is better than horrors without end.

[oldlife_disrupted]

I hate getting to technical but you can and should do both. Forgiveness has nothing to do with excusing and tolerating behaviour, it's a personal state of letting things go.

It sounds like this marriage brought you no positive results and I doubt it started after the marriage. There's nothing normal about this and it won't get better. Is it possible you fell in love with this girl thinking you could fix her?

[Sharp_Lace]

The way she is acting is abusive to you. Get out. If she slaps you, scratches you, insults you and your family, It will not get better it only gets worse.
Thats what abusers do, they push you to a breaking point. Cry about how they will change or that it was you who made them do it and then try and pull you back.

The best thing you could do is end it now.

I'm 23 and getting a divorce from my 24 year old husband after years of this. But its too late for me. We have two kids, and all my friends are gone because I wasnt allowed to be around them for years.

Best of luck to you. Feel free to message me. I hope everything ends up okay for you.

[eskielover]

It sounds like your W has some other serious issues going on that she might need a psychiatrist to help determine what may be causing her to act that way.....& yes, therapy is important too....& not just for the marriage, but she needs to for her behavior to learn better ways of dealing with what ever is going on with her emotionally......whether she had her own abuse growing up or whatever she might be dealing with internally that's coming out in the actions you are experiencing.

I would definitely NOT continue on in a marriage like that.....I saw red flags before I got married but got talked into going ahead with the marriage by my mother who said "he would grow up & become responsible".....33 years later....he never did.....& my level of anger grew until I was seeing red by the time I finally left. I'm sure if you look back with a very analytical eye, you will probably realize there were some red flags you saw before you got married also...behavior like that doesn't just come after marriage....it's around subtly before & it's hard to be wise enough to see it most of the time.

Forgiveness is something you will want to do for yourself anyway....divorce or no.....as it's a healing process....but forgiveness doesn't mean agreeing to go back with her or agreeing to have anything to do with her in the future.....it's about letting it go so you can get on with your life......I have had a lot of things that have been difficult to forgive with my stbxh........& I can't say I've been very successful because of the IRS issue & the foreclosure on the house we owned together which totally destroyed my credit rating for anything I need on my own......should have done the divorce sooner....but my name was on the loan so there was nothing I could have done to protect myself. Makes forgiveness difficult....but 2100 miles distance between us does help in it's own way.