[acrazynao]

i am pretty sure things are falling apart anyway, but falling in love with his friend caused other emotional trauma. i'm not around the other guy, and we are very much trying to just be friends. my husband and i are just getting into more and more arguments about everything. just the other night he made up a lie (or told me a horrible truth and pretended it was a lie) that he had lived with the woman he had cheated on me with when we were first dating several years later and helped her through her pregnancy as her bf even though the baby daddy was in the picture. this would have been over the year we were separated if it were true, though he made it seem like it was during a time we were living together in a different state. he's been a bad liar in the past, but even with me standing there shocked and hurt and confused he just kept telling the story to our friends. this feels like the last straw. i asked him why he couldn't have used a different example and he said that this was the one they would believe and he didnt want to bring my bipolar (or his) into the conversation. my friend knows all about my issues, and his.. i said she talked to me more about it than he does (which is true) he got mad and we slept in different rooms. i dreamed of divorcing him. i woke up still upset and thinking about ending things. im still soo mad about the whole thing. it doesn't help i keep thinking about someone else either.

[acrazynao]

well i told him i was thinking of divorce. he replied,"well i didn't think i'd be divorced by 30" it felt awful but i think it was the right thing. now to get up the courage to say i already have an appointment with a lawyer.

[lynn P.]

((acrazynao)) - I just wanted to stop by and give you a hug. I've gone through ... going through relationship pain - I understand it's very difficult. If you believe it's reached the point of no return, you may as well get the ball rolling and start divorce preceedings. I actually envy someone who can divorce - I'm trapped be cause my kids are still young and I can't afford to support them. I pray God will give you strength.

[acrazynao]

i wasn't strong enough to follow through. i canceled the appointment. i miss what we had and can't seem to let go of the hope it will come back. i'm letting go of the other guy too since he'd rather be there for my husband than me. i want to live my life and remember who i was. i just wish someone could say 'do this and things will get better' i wish i could see a light at the end of the tunnel instead of more tunnel.

[Rhiannonsmoon]

Hello acrazynao,

You are going through such turmoil, I'm so sorry it isn't more simple. I do have a thought though. If you are trying to hurt each other there must be two people under there somewhere who love each other. Because when you don't care it doesn't hurt.

When it doesn't hurt there is no love left. Look back at your life together when it started; look back at who you were and what you were like when you married... refind who you are by revisiting who you want to be and what you want to be like.

Take a deep breath and let your thoughts float back to when you first fell in love and it was easier. You can have that again if you both want it. But it must be both otherwise it won't work at all. That so called friend of you and your husband must be taken out of the picture altogether. He is nothing but a reminder of infidelity and pain for you both. So discuss it with your husband and I am sure you will agree that he doesn't do anything to smooth the path you are on.

Please let us know how things are going, thinking of you,

Rhiannon