[rufusrocks]

I am divorced (final last month but haven't lived together in over 8 months). My boyfriend"s divorce will be final in a little over a week. We want to move in together in a month. How do I tell my 10 year old son? I have a one week on, one week off custody arrangement with my ex.

[Leed]

How does your son get along with your boyfriend? Does he like him? Do they spend any time together?

I'd be careful about moving your boyfriend in -- especially since it sounds like your son is still close to your ex. He's young, and he might think that this new guy is trying to take his father's place -- and he can become very resentful about that. Also, there's going to be the issue about discipline. WHO will be doing the disciplining? And what will happen IF your boyfriend has to discipline him? Should he even try? There are alot of sticky situations when dealing with a young child. He might be having his own issues about the divorce, that he hasn't told you about.

The kids are the ones who get hurt the most during a divorce. I think i'd wait awhile before moving anyone in. Your son hasn't had the chance to get "used" to the fact that his dad doesn't live there anymore. 8 months isn't very long to a child.

Whatever you decide, I wish you the very best of luck. God bless & take care. Hugs, Lee

[sunrise]

Originally Posted by rufusrocks

I am divorced (final last month but haven't lived together in over 8 months). My boyfriend"s divorce will be final in a little over a week. We want to move in together in a month. How do I tell my 10 year old son? I have a one week on, one week off custody arrangement with my ex.

I think it is wise to move slowly on this. How long has your son known your boyfriend? It's probably good to wait at least 6 months after introducing your boyfriend to your son and having them do stuff together a lot with you before having him move in. Also, if the son and boyfriend do not get along, I would hold off. You can continue to have a serious relationship with your boyfriend without him moving in, and this allows more time for a relationship to develop between your boyfriend and your son.

It's a different question, but I know my therapist recommended that the boyfriend not be introduced to the children for at least 6 months after starting to date the person so that the kids were not getting introduced to casual dating partners who would not be a stable presence. Especially don't have overnight guests before the kids have met the person multiple times and it is a serious, established relationship. (Save the more casual sleepovers for when kids are with their Dad.)

Good luck. This stuff is hard, and I think you are wise to ask this question in service of doing what is best for your son.

[vanessaG]

Im just gonna offer my 2cents on this. Your gonna make your decision but i had my bf move in after 8mo together with my 9&7 yr old. We were together 4 yrs, they knew him as stepdad, took the whole role n everyghing. When we brokeup he left my kids were CRUSHED. I never felt so bad in my life.
The tears that came from their eyes....you could see their pain and there was nothing i could do about it.
Its been 5 months and they still cry and say they miss him.
(btw their dad was very much in the picture too)

Be careful is my advice to you. I wish i would have waited a LOt longer. No guy is even meeting my kids till i have a ring on my finger!

[Flooded]

Fools rush in...........

Ahh,I see you made 1 post,and never came back....Bless the child.....